Re mother leaving children?

[Gimmesomemore]

Not a close friend, but more of an acquaintance, has left her husband and 2 young children.

Apparently she left out of the blue to live with a new man she met, and is currently living over a couple of hours away.

There has been no contact with the children, and their father has taken a step back from his business to provide full time care of the children.

Well everyone who knows the family are extremely shocked, but mainly as it was the mother who left the children.

Aibu to ask whether this is normal for people to consider this as somewhat worse than if it was the father who had cheated and left, breaking all contact. Or is it down to the fact that this is less common?

I don't think there is such a thing as intuitive knowledge that women have with their kids just because they're women. And I do think men can be as deeply connected to their kids as women are.

I did'nt evaluate anything.This is my life I am talking about and in my experience my mother leaving us caused way more damage than my father's absence did. I can only speak for how I feel of course. My depression has flared up again recently and I would be lying if I said I did'nt some times wish I could just walk away.But I would NEVER leave my kids.

So men who leave the family home are just a bit crap but the women are wicked? It's this idea that women are innately predisposed to caring for kids that is so unhelpful, yes we can be wonderful and warm and usually are if our own needs were/are met sufficiently, but so are dads.

Sorry I meant value system. Autocorrect changed it. I ask because when my mum left it was obvious that the people around me thought it was worse than if our dad had done it, and as a young child you take that on board because you don't have the reasoning skills to challenge it mentally. And sorry to hear about your troubles, hope you're getting some help. Sorry if I caused any offense.

I used to think I would never leave my kids with anyone else, but the simple fact is that the future is an unknown, I will always do what is best for my kids, that doesn't mean they will live with me for me to do that.

poster ohhifruit you could move him schools

And if fact I would inform the head

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In a word yes because in the main the women are the primary carers so it is wicked

With my children my husband pretty much works most of the day I do everything from kissing there bumped heads to running them to after school clubs

Oh is wonderful when he is here but he has to work so it's a double Curelty

You not only walk on on your children you take away there primary carer

My partner has always been our children's main carer. Even when he went back to work, he picked a job that allowed him to do the dinners and bedtime routines, and he still does most of the parenting things described. This is true of many families in our social circle, it's not that unusual these days.

As someone who was left by both parents at different points in my childhood (during which time that parent was the only parent in the house and sole carer), I think it has far more to do with personal circumstances and how that parent's actions are perceived then as a child and later when more facts are known, than it has to do with gender or who the main carer is. I still am more upset at my father than I am my mother because even now it seems he left by choice of wanting his new career and new wife, and left for weeks before seeing to our needs whereas my mother was openly more selfish at the time but really just couldn't handle caring for her mother in last few months (who was also her best friend) and caring for us and chose her mother and even then she ensured within the weekend that I was safe and sound and looked after.

Yes, primary care giver leaving isn't great for kids, but not wicked. Selfish, poorly thought through at worst but not wicked. I think they'd have to be leaving to deliberately cause harm to be wicked. And I doubt anyone does that. If we can agree that it's equally unfortunate regardless of the gender than great. It may be that in practice it seems worse if it's the mother because of the unfair ideals attached to the female gender and the part we all play in reinforcing those stereotypes, or something like that. I'm hungry, brain probably not working and sounding like GCSE Sociology homework probably.

I was disagreeing with what you said that the biology of having a child makes it worse for a mother to walk away

That's how I read it too.

Oblomov

I'm sorry you feel that way. How many kids do you have?