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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Regarding Hen Do?

29 replies

Fancyashandy · 14/01/2014 15:43

Going to a hen weekend of a much younger soon to be bride and details are starting to emmerge. Seems there are activities planned, dressing up as schoolgirls, special t shirts being printed and starting to dread what else the MOH has planned. Don't want to be an old party pooper and be all cats bum face but this is really not my thing at all especially being about 20 yrs older than the main younger guests.

AIBU and just being an old bore and how can I get through this without lookinglike a cross between a St Trinians school girl and Baby Jane - basically looking like a sad old git!

OP posts:
Justforlaughs · 14/01/2014 15:47

No idea, and tbh in your shoes, I would stay at home. It might make me a party pooper but an old bore yes, that's me but I can;t think of anything worse. That's not to say that I think you should do the same. I know people, older than me, who would be right in there with the whole thing.

squeakytoy · 14/01/2014 15:50

Just don't go. You aren't going to enjoy it and you have to expect they are going to do what the majority want to do. It would be my idea of hell too and I would just politely decline. I can't imagine that the bride will be hurt or insulted if all invitees do not accept.

JeanSeberg · 14/01/2014 15:50

Sounds horrendous to me, irrespective of age. There are so many better ways you could have a lovely weekend than resorting to this stereotypical rubbish.

Any chance you could just join part of it if you really don't want to drop out of the whole thing?

Original poster
Fancyashandy · 14/01/2014 15:56

Would be very difficult not to go for different reasons. The bride is very close to me and there will be some others there like me 40 and 50 somethings.

OP posts:
JeanSeberg · 14/01/2014 15:58

Well perhaps you could have a little breakaway group for the others who aren't particularly enjoying all the themed stuff.

Eg have dinner with the group and a couple of drinks but then go back to the hotel when they hit the clubs.

Shopping in the day but meet late afternoon.

AndiPandi · 14/01/2014 15:58

Can you contact some / one of the other older ladies and come up with a plan you all feel comfortable with, presumably they will be feeling the same?! You could even turn it into a joke and surporise them all by turning up as teachers rather than school girls?

fluffyraggies · 14/01/2014 15:59

Go, but don't dress up as a school girl? Just be honest and say 'bloody hell i'm too old for all that, but i'll join in the outing'.

I can't for the life of me understand why dressing up as a (presumably 'sexy') school girl would appeal to anyone as being the perfect way to celebrate a marriage ... but there you go.

formerbabe · 14/01/2014 16:02

Hen nights like this are my idea of hell. In my 30s now but hated all that stuff when in my late teens and 20s! You should probably just suck it up and go...its only one night.

Penis whistles at the ready (shudder)

NoArmaniNoPunani · 14/01/2014 16:03

YANBU, don't go if it's not your thing. I hate seeing groups of women dressed up in daft outfits and playing silly games on hen nights. I banned all that from mine. You can have fun without making a twat of yourself

NotALondoner · 14/01/2014 16:03

Isn't that the weekend you have D and V planned?

Such a shame you have to miss the hen party!

Original poster
Fancyashandy · 14/01/2014 16:04

Did think about turning up as a teacher with a pair of glasses and twinset and pearls if it came to it. Think the older guests giving the young ones some space and having a more relaxed time would be great if they like me don't want to go the whole hog. Just wanted to canvass some opinions and see if I was just being an old misery.

OP posts:
CoffeeTea103 · 14/01/2014 16:04

You can still go without dressing up. Agree that the dress up sounds Confused but you can still join in.

WilsonFrickett · 14/01/2014 16:04

YANBU to not dress up as a school girl. Yprobably will be seen as U if you don't wear the special tshirt and join in with at least some of the activities though. And the T shirt may be fine, the last time I was MOH it was just a cute pic of the bride when she was at school and a name/date.

Boreoff456 · 14/01/2014 16:06

I cried off my dbros wife to be hen party due to the above.

However I had the excuse that o was pg when booked and as would have been 2 weeks old when we were due to go and also the whole weekend was costing £400 per person. I again pulled the 'can't afford with a baby on the way'.

I was in my 20's but its my idea of hell.

And tbh dressing up as school girls makes me feel a bit sick.

DontmindifIdo · 14/01/2014 16:14

I don't do school girl fancy dress.

Just say no. Or could you find bits you can do? I'd find an excuse of some sort so you can't go for the whole thing, but could join them for a couple of drinks/dinner before/after the excuse...

QueenofallIsee · 14/01/2014 16:16

I am grateful that my SIL to be (10yr my junior) has a) sent out a stern email banning Ann Summers style dress up and b) opted for a two hen parties (though both are optional, her view being that the wedding is the vital bit) one of which is an afternoon tea at a ritzy place and the other a mad weekend on the wreck. I have new love for her in light of what you are going through!

diddl · 14/01/2014 16:17

Dressing up (not necessarily as a school girl) & tshirts wouldn't bother me too much.

But "activities"?

Original poster
Fancyashandy · 14/01/2014 16:55

Well it depends on the activities. A tango class or something I could deal with though dread to think what the 'fun' alternatives could be.

OP posts:
diddl · 14/01/2014 17:34

Yes I'll agree with that.

My ideal activities wouldn't be alcohol related competions for example.

CynicalandSmug · 14/01/2014 17:49

Whatever happened to just getting pissed? Games? Activities? Costumes? Fuck off. I'd be the grumpy sod perched at the bar!

GimmeDaBoobehz · 14/01/2014 18:05

Activities sound worrying. I'm thinking stripper/dirty dancing or something like that.

I'm 23 and I would really struggle with doing something like that.

Like some pp's have suggested I'd either go as a teacher or just go in whatever you want to wear and just join in some of the activities.

Be honest to the bride if it really upsets you. I'm sure she wouldn't want to put you in an awkward position.

Thank goodness I've only ever been to one hen 'activity' and that was yurting! I was 18 at the time and must be an old fogie as I loved the drinking/being big kids and playing on the kids slides etc.

I have my sister who will organise my hen and I know she wont go too mad with it as she's in her 30s and we both have DC. The worst she'll do is tell embarrassing stories about me when I was a kid dress me up as a schoolgirl anyday

MakingEveryDayCount · 14/01/2014 19:27

Hen nights like this are my idea of a great night out Grin
If it's not your thing though, why not just go along for a few drinks and not get dressed up?!
If the bride is a good friend I'm sure she won't care whether you're dressed up as a runaway St Trinian's schoolgirl or not, as long as she's got you celebrating her night with her!
Just go show your face, have some drinks with her. Better than party pooping out of the whole thing altogether and shows you do want to share her celebrations with her.

rookiemater · 14/01/2014 19:42

YANBU. I have seen those dos where older ladies dress up as police wardens or school girls. They look hideous.
I'd email the MOH and say that whilst you are happy to go along, you just aren't prepared to dress up. I'd sofen the blow by saying that " you young girls can get away with it, but I'll look ridiculous".

I'd say that you really want to be there to celebrate the event, but you hope that she understands that you won't be dressing up.

MakingEveryDayCount · 14/01/2014 19:46

YANBU. I have seen those dos where older ladies dress up as police wardens or school girls. They look hideous.

God,it's a bit of fun, since when does it matter if they look what some deem to be 'hideous' or not?! Grin
Hideous is subjective, anyway. I personally think those who slap the fake tan on until they look like they've been Tangoed and have those ridiculous comedy Scouse brows painted on with raggedy hair extensions in that wouldn't look out of place on Red Rum or Black Beauty hideous.
Each to their own. Grin

rookiemater · 14/01/2014 20:32

Sorry I didn't mean the ladies looked hideous I meant the event.