childrens party - not invited.

[meboo]

My DS is 10 and ive not hosted a party for a while but always considered the invitee situation. We either invited the whole class, just the boys or a couple of friends for tea.
this always seemed the fairest way to do things.
Have just seen all the boys from DS year at a birthday party and it turns out that just my DS and 1 other have not been invited. Doesn't this seem mean to you?
give me some perspective or some reason to understand this.
both boys arent horrible just normal boys.

Why are we all so over INVOLVED these days with everyday things? I don't think it does DC any favours at all

Yes, totally agree Dancergirl. We need to be teaching our children to deal with feelings of disappointment and envy rather than enhancing and in some cases creating them.

As adults we don't feel obliged to invite everyone we work with to our social events, so why should it be any different for kids?

I never expected my children to be invited to every child's party nor do I remember their being all this nonsense when they weren't.

I am not sure that's true .
If I had birthday drinks at work I tended to invite just a couple of mates or the whole office.
I would invite everyone except two because it would be rude.
Equally if someone else invited all but two people I would think they were making a petty point or a bit of a dickhead.
Ditto of someone invited all the parents in a class out for a drink but excluded two.
Personally I think it's wanky at any age

Wouldn't not would

One place where I worked, EVERYONE else except me got invited to one girl's wedding reception (evening). She wondered why I wasn't thrilled about her wedding afterwards . Afaik, there was no reason for it either - but it made me feel pretty shit.

I think it is very brave not to invite two kids you don't like. I wish I had the guts

I wouldn't invite everyone I worked with as there are people I don't happen to like or get on with, so why would I want to spend my free time with them.

There are lots of occasions in my workplace where small groups of people go out together and nobody else bothers about it.

Sorry but I also think YABU.

At 10 years of age children should be getting used to the fact that you cannot be of everything. Social groups change all the time. He could have been missed off deliberately or by accident - but it is no matter. I wouldn't be annoyed about it by this age. I would just pretend it didn't happen and carry on having the type of Birthday Parties that you agree on with your son.

Of course small groups go out together Babymummy29 - why would anyone think that was in anyway controversial.

But that is not the situation anyone is talking about

I think it depends on the size of the class or workplace. If I worked in a small office of six people, it might be difficult to leave one out. However if I worked I an office of thirty people, I would happily invite whatever number I felt like or was appropriate. Same thing applies to class sizes

When my DSs used to have parties I told them how many people they could invite and it went like this.

a) Anyone who had invited them to a party in the last year.
b) Whoever else they wanted up to the set number.

OP, your son may well have been excluded at (a). Perhaps that's the case here.

Pagwatch the point I''m trying to make is that if small groups of adults from the same workplace socialise together why should it be any different for children.

My DDs have all this to come. However, age 11, my mum forced me to invite all the girls in my class to my birthday party (had moved back to the area 7 months previously). This was absolutely against my wishes as 2 girl 2 or 3 of them had been very mean to me and had turned most of the class against me. They virtually excluded & isolated me from my own party. 25 years on I remember it, haven't entirely forgiven my mum and I have never had another birthday party.

Moral of the story? At 10 they are quite capable of picking who to invite. Please don'tforce them to include everyone

Babymummy29

I understand the point you are trying to make but you are using a completely different scenario.

Chosing a few friends is not comparable with inviting everyone but excluding two.
The former is natural and understandable
The later is pointed and a bit mean, as Thumbwitch illustrates upthread.

I would feel a bit embaressed if every mum in the class were invited to a do together but I and one other were not.

Of course adults are entitled to invite who they wish and children need to get used to it. But let's not pretend it well mannered, because it isn't.

I think it's fine. Say DS's class has 28, assuming half are girls only 12 of 28 are actually attending the party. So in theory the majority aren't going.

I also agree that children should understand they are not invited to everything. It's just life.

Your DS seems to have the right response in not being bothered, but it was odd and mean of the birthday boy to make a point of saying that they'd have a fantastic time at the party and that he hadn't invited them on purpose.
Which makes me wonder about the friendship dynamics in that year.

I'm not going to tell you not be over sensitive. You're a mum and we all get over sensitive about our children from time to time. It's called being a mother and it would be kind of weird if you were not upset. People can pretend they wouldn't care but they are usually the ones whose children are never left out of anything!
When my D.D was in reception her friend had a pool party and my D.D was the only one out of the group and yes I was offended and took it that the parent had something against my child. After that when ever the mother tried to talk to me I would either answer very very abruptly or pretend it didn't hear her. Also I didn't care if it was down to money. You don't look at it like that "Aww but she might not have had the money to invite (insert name her. All I saw was that my D.D had been left out. xx

turns out the birthday boy told both of them what he was doing for his birthday and that he wasn't inviting them and that they were going to have a great time without them

There was a child who did that to mate's DD; my Dd was one of the invited and filed that factoid away as reasons to not think much of the birthday girl in future. Definitely one of those Karma things.

I wouldn't allow my children to leave just one or two out as I would rather they were kind and considerate.

They've been encouraged to think about who they'd invite at the planning stage so it's never been something that we've had to do.

Not all parents care though and clearly this boys reaction mirrors the attitude of his parents - like it or not, our children will demonstrate the best and worst aspects of our own behaviour when they are out of our sight.

If you want your children to be kind, then be kind yourself.

Its really difficult though. My Dd wants a climbing party this year maximum number is 12. There are 13 girls in her class including her and her sister needs to be included too so we either have to leave 2 out(children she isnt bothered about attending) or she cant have the party she desperately wants. I still havent decided what to do :(

Isn't it obvious? You invite all the girls and leave your dd and sister at at home.

Seriously, of you didn't know how many girls were in the classy kid be none the wiser about inviting 10 of them.

People need to realise there's a HUGE difference between deliberately excluding a child and unintentionally ending up in the situation where it happens that one or two are missed off.

Shesaysso - I would say in your situation that you reduce the number of people - the maximum is 12, but is that the number you have to have? If not, then maybe make it a group of 8 instead.

SheSays you invite LESS than the maximum number of course. DD must choose about 6 girls....and if her sister "needs" to be included then that's one less...but up to you of course.