SIL's Wedding

[FerretsRfun]

Firstly some background i'm 28+2 with my first, arraigning my own wedding, arraigning all the details for our first mortgage, PIL's offered a loan to cover the deposit for this year, out of work currently with work guaranteed for July and while me and DP are surviving on his wages alone once i am back at work i will not be earning that much more than maternity allowance so would much prefer a few small family treats eg being able to have a take away or being able to buy a few new things for baby rather than all second hand rather than saving for this "holiday" (also will be paying back loan to PIL's as well)
To top it all of me and DP have thankfully very similar ideas of what we like in holidays which is a caravan in the New Forest taking the dogs with us :)

Just to compare our "wedding" will consist of me and DP signing a wedding certificate just before we register Baby's birth as it saves 2 trips and possibly a small party at my Uncles property (he hosts wedding's lots). several months later our honeymoon including baby's travel is very generously being paid for by PIL's a 3 day cruise to France/Germany

SIL announced yesterday that she wanted her wedding in either the Canaries, America or a Private island which they would hire for 2 weeks at a cost of around 100k and splitting the cost between the wedding party as "you would all be staying on the island with us"
She also said that as she was giving family a year or two's notice that we all had no excuse not to come and pay 3k or more for the privilege, she hasn't decided on summer 2015/16 yet

Now are me and DP BU in saying no way will we be able to afford it already?
We mentioned it to her yesterday and she basically told us if DP loved her we would save the money somehow and that we were expected to be there under any circumstances
to top it all off PIL'S said we should easily be able to manage to save the money, they have been very generous but do not seem to realize our financial situation

Our arguments are that :-
We will have a child under the age of 2 for possibly a flight of several hours or more, we may even have another baby by that stage
Kennel costs of someone watching our animals for 2 weeks

A mortgage and other debts to pay
And to top it all if we did somehow due to lottery or death of family member leaving us money manage to save that amount of money we have talked for years about saving for a caravan or being able to get those odd bits we have always wanted but never been able to afford before eg replace our awful falling apart death trap lovely car, being able to go out for a drink without saving for 2 months first

Are we BU saying that even if we can magically save the money that we will unfortunately not be attending if the wedding is overseas, i mean can they really expect all their friends and family to pay that much?

P.S after a quick read through i just want to state we are in no way jealous of their disposable income we just have very different ideas of what will make our wedding day special and hope they have a lovely time x

Two weeks at someone's wedding?

I'd rather eat my own [insert something revolting].

She is daft. She will realise that when she gets similar responses from others.

Just tell her no and then leave it as you have other things to think about at the moment.

A private island!

Ah 2 weeks

X posted :)

PS - I have a bro getting married in Portugal this summer - his fiancee is from there. He had said he would understand if no one goes. I think this is the right attitude (most people from family are going, but he has been very clear that wouldn't be offended). This is good because DH is proposing to stay home with 5 month old baby we expect to have by then - he thinks it would be too much bother to take 5 month old abroad to a hotel just for 3 days (it's in term time and we have 5 year old) which is probably true!

Have you watched the him and her wedding special?
Is the bride your sister in law?!

Amazing! But no yanbu, she'll be struggling to find enough people to split that with so 3k will soon turn into 10 I'd imagine.

Hahahahahaha.

I would love to have a holiday on a private island. But I can't afford to. Hey - how about you all chip in and we can have a MN holiday?

Actually I do like that idea

Tell her you love the idea so much you have booked a private island for your own wedding, it costs £5k each you will take cash or cheque

Get your husband to tell her he doesn't love her. Problem solved.

So she's got to find enough guests to pay £1500 each to make £100,000. That's 70 people odd. Unless she moves in a high flying social circle I cannot see it happening.

It's going to cost each guest lots more than that on top, as has been said. People are going to have time off work (more £ lost) or take it out of their annual leave as well.

When are you going to tell her you wont be going OP?

She's clearly going to have a nasty wake up call soon. And to post it on Facebook - brilliant!

Please keep us updated.

Get your DP to say 'Sister, I love you. I love you enough to tell you your are absolutely barking if you think we're going to fork out £8k to attend your wedding'.

it's easy to post 'looking forward to it hon ' I'll not believe it till it happens.

she'll have a few relies who tend to go on cruises and expensive holidays but wont have any of the younger family members.

If I were getting married somewhere exotic I'd take responsibility for paying for everything for my guests, otherwise don't expect there to be anyone but you

Trust me when i say it's deff going to happen

Trust me, it's not. She's never going to get 70 people to pay £1.5k each to holiday with bridezilla.

Just as well she isn't interested in a big day given the number of people that aren't going to afford to go, assuming that even if they could afford it, they would want to spend it on going to her private island fantasy!

Just out of interest, has she quoted any children's rates for those with dc or are they expected to fork out £1,500 per dc too? Also - what is there to do on this private island for two weeks? I can see that if it is a long way away you might have a day for travelling, a day to acclimatise, a day for the wedding, a day to relax afterwards and then travel off the next day. But two weeks is a huge imposition, especially if lazing on a beach/sailing/whatever the island offers isn't your thing.

Please please post something on sil's Facebook to say that whilst it all sounds like she has her dream wedding planned, as you've already told her, there's no way that you are going to be able to conjure that sort of money out of thin air to go - after all, if it was that easy to save up that sort of amount you would have already got your house deposit, a new suite of baby furniture, travel system, layette of clothes and all things baby, a caravan, x, y and z home improvements, a new kitchen, a small party for your own wedding, a honeymoon immediately after your own wedding, [insert a whole load of other stuff that comes high up on your wish list or conceivably possibly could do, just to make a point]. And that you're sorry they don't want to have a celebration in the UK but that you'll look forward to inviting them over for a celebration meal afterwards to see the inevitable DVD and hear all about it so you can report back to us here on this thread!

And then see what she says when she gets her first public 'can't afford to go even with a year to save up' refusal - especially if it is from the bride's brother - bet that will open the floodgates of refusal.

I had a friend get married in the US - she was getting married to an American guy and they lived in the US. However, as they worked for a cruise company and were pretty senior, they were able to organise an incredibly good rate for anyone that wanted to go and there was absolutely no pressure as they were also having a do in the UK later on. In the end, quite a few people did go as it worked out as a fantastic holiday on the very cheap and although one day was going to be the wedding, and one dress rehearsal meal beforehand (which was more because it's an American custom and thus a normal thing for the groom's side), the rest of the time people could do as much or as little as they wanted to with the other wedding attendees. For a group of single friend's it was great as they could go on holiday, do what they wanted during the day but still have people to talk to and be with in the evenings. That's the way to do weddings abroad if you cantata inviting quite a few friends and can't afford to pay for everyone to go (plus they had a legitimate reason to have the wedding abroad as wherever they held it at least half the guests would have to come from abroad).

Hope that you enjoy your wedding tremendously!

What you get for the money is, to the best of my knowledge, accommodation, food, drink not sure if this counts alcohol and free run of the island
Also quite frankly why would i trust food prepared buy others for my small DC?
I'm not the cleanest person in the world but at least i know iv dropped it on the floor removed the dog hair cooked it properly

Both sides of the family are quite large so its feasible for the numbers she also has a largish group of mates, after checking the FB post its a different place already lol but still far away for 2 weeks not including travel

Loving the getting DP to tell her he doesn't love her think he has done but cant honestly remember, we stupidly agreed to help out once several months back on one of their paid jobs in the evening and they now take it as we will help every week . . . we will be hiding in the dark curtains drawn and desperately trying to get the dogs not to bark on the designated day hope she gets the message after a few no shows, were at a friends last week and got a call saying well you'll have to meet me im here now . . . DP told her to F right off we were out, she didn't take it well

Loving the chance to moan about SIL :) bad week pregnancy wise come back sleep i love you so making me feel super reading all the posts x

Are you charging them for the work you are helping them with? I think £100 a month sounds about right!

"I'm afraid you'll have to recalculate that £1.5K pp, as we four just can't do it. We did warn you! Sorry [Facebook sadface]"

Unbelievable.

Does she have form for being the golden child of the family or is this a new bridezilla trait?

Because with the work example as well, she does seem to think her relationship with her DB is solely based on what she can get out of it. Which can't be nice for your DP to realise.

I can't believe what I am reading! She really can't think that this is reasonable?

Is it the island from "Lost"? Or the one from "Jurrasic Park"? It might as well be cos she's clearly living in a fictional world.

My mind is boggling.

Stop letting her boss you about. She clearly thinks she is above you. Is she?

god she sounds horrendous.
you know YANBU but tbh i cannot see it happening in our straitened financial climate she is living in lala land if she thinks 70 plus guests are going to agree to this!

Where do these entitled people come from? Def agree with some sort of PA response to FB announcement - maybe a "great idea, maybe your guests could also build you a house and furnish with golden furniture as a wedding present! Lol, rofl, etc"

Gosh, we got married where where were living and working at the time, about 400 miles from family. We invited them, but made it totally clear that we didn't expect anyone to drag themselves across the UK just for us.

I felt really bad asking people to travel that far!
(And it was a dead cheap destination, and we negotiated hotel discounts for everyone)

And we stipulated NO gifts- we felt people had spent enough getting there!

Everyone ignored that bit too.:)

I presume this island is somewhere hot and long distance. Flights will be hugely expensive, several hundred each (it's around £800 to the USA, so compare) and that's not counting transfers to somewhere secluded.

She's insane.