SIL's Wedding

[FerretsRfun]

Firstly some background i'm 28+2 with my first, arraigning my own wedding, arraigning all the details for our first mortgage, PIL's offered a loan to cover the deposit for this year, out of work currently with work guaranteed for July and while me and DP are surviving on his wages alone once i am back at work i will not be earning that much more than maternity allowance so would much prefer a few small family treats eg being able to have a take away or being able to buy a few new things for baby rather than all second hand rather than saving for this "holiday" (also will be paying back loan to PIL's as well)
To top it all of me and DP have thankfully very similar ideas of what we like in holidays which is a caravan in the New Forest taking the dogs with us :)

Just to compare our "wedding" will consist of me and DP signing a wedding certificate just before we register Baby's birth as it saves 2 trips and possibly a small party at my Uncles property (he hosts wedding's lots). several months later our honeymoon including baby's travel is very generously being paid for by PIL's a 3 day cruise to France/Germany

SIL announced yesterday that she wanted her wedding in either the Canaries, America or a Private island which they would hire for 2 weeks at a cost of around 100k and splitting the cost between the wedding party as "you would all be staying on the island with us"
She also said that as she was giving family a year or two's notice that we all had no excuse not to come and pay 3k or more for the privilege, she hasn't decided on summer 2015/16 yet

Now are me and DP BU in saying no way will we be able to afford it already?
We mentioned it to her yesterday and she basically told us if DP loved her we would save the money somehow and that we were expected to be there under any circumstances
to top it all off PIL'S said we should easily be able to manage to save the money, they have been very generous but do not seem to realize our financial situation

Our arguments are that :-
We will have a child under the age of 2 for possibly a flight of several hours or more, we may even have another baby by that stage
Kennel costs of someone watching our animals for 2 weeks

A mortgage and other debts to pay
And to top it all if we did somehow due to lottery or death of family member leaving us money manage to save that amount of money we have talked for years about saving for a caravan or being able to get those odd bits we have always wanted but never been able to afford before eg replace our awful falling apart death trap lovely car, being able to go out for a drink without saving for 2 months first

Are we BU saying that even if we can magically save the money that we will unfortunately not be attending if the wedding is overseas, i mean can they really expect all their friends and family to pay that much?

P.S after a quick read through i just want to state we are in no way jealous of their disposable income we just have very different ideas of what will make our wedding day special and hope they have a lovely time x

Lmfao at some of the comments

Both SIL (28) and DP(24) were spoilt rotten when growing up she was a very prem PFB but she still expects it where as DP thankfully is very grounded and has grown up loads

Id probably get shouted at if DC even dared to cry during the ceremony, tempting thought though if they ever had any sort of ceremony back home :)

So is your sil going to give you £3,000 for your wedding present? Or, probably more aptly, give you the same percentage of her disposable income as £3K is of your disposable income (from what you've said and her lack of empathy about how easy it is to find a 'spare' £3k, I'm assuming that she and/or dh earns/inherited/won the lottery/etc a significant amount more than you, thus making £3k a significant percentage of your disposable income, especially when you take reduced maternity leave pay and new baby costs into account)?

Hmm. Bet she thinks that would be an outrageous demand from you to her when she would just to have to hand it over for your dream wedding - and yet she thinks it is personably reasonable to ask the same from you. But obviously she doesn't love your dh enough if she isn't prepared to hand over a huge chunk of her disposable income for the next couple of years to you, for the honour of coming to your wedding

Bet she is expecting you to buy her a present of sufficient importance as to reflect the magnificence of her wedding too

"SIL, we are not even paying 3k for our own wedding, let alone anyone else's"

Then refuse to discuss it further.

Wow! No, you are not!!!

Even if you had the money, it would be far more reasonable to spend it on what you actually want/need

Good God.Some people.In the words of my mum ' Who does she think she is ? Lady Docker ?' That's the fifties version of 'The Queen of Sheba '?

Never have I heard of anyone in rl hiring a private island!

That is seriously brilliant bridezilla-esque. What a hoot!

Yanbu btw.

I'd laugh in the face of anyone who told me I needed to spend 3k of my own money to attend their wedding.

It is a complete sentence after all :o

YANBU, and by the sound of it, she's working up to being a priceless bridezilla, only just getting started. So of course you can decline her generous invitation to spend £3000 as dictated by her, but pleas, please keep us posted on more bridezilla antics

My db & SIL got married abroad & it would have cost £4k if we had gone. We couldn't afford it & my brother understood & respected our choice even though it upset me not to be there. Your SIL is being a bridezilla & I would rather spend £100k on property rather than hiring a private island.

Yanbu, makes it harder if the PIL agree with her though.

If you're PIL have loaned money to you for a deposit surely they have some idea of your financial circumstances, if nothing else a loan implies you're going to be paying it back.

I have got to be honest. I'm more of a lurker than poster but this one made my jaw drop.

YA totally NBU SIL is a bridezilla on steroids, wow.

She. Said. What???????

That she was giving you two or three years' notice so you "had no excuse not to come?!"

SIL are you giving us £3K as a wedding present? That's v generous of you, lovely.

YANBU and when word gets out you are not going, others will breathe a sigh of relief and let on that they don't want to go either.

No. No. No.

That's all you say.

Your SIL sounds like a lunatic.

How sweet of her to think about getting you a holiday on a private island! At a fraction of the price it would cost you alone! Bloody hell, she really is a precious poppet isn't she?

How do all of the other guests feel about the prospect of spending that much on someone else's wedding?

Basically she wants a wedding beyond her means so she's expecting her friends and family to foot the bill. Stupid, just stupid!

Anyone who gets married abroad should not expect that everyone can go. YANBU

My friend is getting married abroad. She chose this because she didnt want anyone to attend however her DPs family have all invited themselves. She is not impressed.

Is that normal nowadays - to get the guests to pay a share of te actual wedding?

No, I didn't think so. Attending a wedding is free - no one can charge someone for entering a church. Flying to a private island is absoultely ridiculous (though a nice idea!)

If you're the sort of person who gets married on a private island you pay for the whole thing, including flights for your guests.

I would not worry about it yet, it is early days. Once the wedding gets closer you will probably find more & more people back out, until she is reduced to desperately inviting the postman's neighbours son, just to make up the numbers to pay the cost . I would just keep smiling sweetly and say 'we'll see' and then dismiss it with a vague sweep of the hand.

its not just 3k tho you will need passports spending money food etc if spending 2 weeks out there

YANBU. Hopefully your SIL will come down to earth soon as unless she has very well off friends and extended family, I doubt that many people will be "sharing the cost of her wedding".

She sounds very spoiled.

She is clearly attracted by exclusivity. Attendance at your small scale wedding is only for a limited number so should appeal to her. Charge her £4k to attend then you've got the money to attend hers, spending money and you could put a few hundred towards the cost of your special day.