to wonder what the fuck is wrong with PLATES.

[KeemaNaanAndCurryOn]

Just been out for a meal.

Food arrived from the kitchen on either a slate or a giant block of wood.

What the fuck is wrong with plates???

Why do they feel the need to stick my food on something I stick on my roof or a bloody breadboard?

Is it just me? I WEEP for the poor neglected china.

I used to have to serve food on silly stuff like this! The miniature fryer basket things were always sliding off the bloomin' wood block! We were always told to keep an eye on the miniature saucepans because they cost £25 each !

And has anyone been to Jamie's Italian where they balance a plank on two tins of tomatoes and put the food on that? So unbearably wanky.

Oh deconstructed puddings are worse than a punch in the guts. I'd hold your husband's hand in solidarity if I could BrianButterfield.

I once had a deconstructed tirimasu, a tiny blob of mascarpone and about a mile away on the other side of the plate a few measly biscuit crumbs finished off with a measly drizzle of some sauce.

I wanted to deconstruct the chef's face!

I went to a wedding catered by Jamie where they did that. I didn't know it was a proper thing! It was a really stupid idea, too, every time they put tins down some helpful person would move them out the way so they could put the plates down.

I want to know how they wash the wooden boards properly...

My son is a chef here

Its a very poncey pizza place :o

Poncey pizza is just WRONG

squoosh eclectic plates would be just like eating at home for me, it's not because I can't be bothered buying a grown up set honest

It would be quite nice if they served the food in some bread as per Medieval times, at least then you could eat it and some poor sod doesn't have to wash up.

Bloody foam looks like they've spat on your food - down with foam!

FreeTheSaucesTiggaxx

Yanbu

I want something with a rim so all my sauce doesn't pour off the plate over the table and onto my lap.

Wooden boards are manky as they can't be properly cleaned.

Slate+ cutlery = death to whoever makes that noise.

With Jamie Oliver's food arrangements it's impossible to tell what is the food and what is the leftovers scraped onto a board to go in the bin (I reckon this is how they test the new runners on his show).

One of my favourite hobbies is shouting at JO on the tv. I am training up ds for this job. When I visit my friend we spend hours a small amount of time watching JO shows and shouting.

His manky boards, from flea markets, probably some still covered in lead paint, are disgusting.

Plus the all sharing messy food from one platter in the middle of the table - fine for antipasti, not for spag bol, curry and rice type stuff. Seriously the spillage over the table, the amount of shared saliva, the fight to the death over who took all the best bits.

I think I would cry if I was just given 6 way too chunky chips.

I think if they put the sauces in little bowls they can keep all the ones that barely look used and re use them?

I was in a kitchen stuff shop. They were selling boxes of slate plates (or whatever they ard called) for about €47 for 12.

Imagine you can brig the experience home. Yeah!

I can go back and see if they have small buckets there too gefore anyone panics about being chip bucket less.

'deconstructed'

Why? Just WHY?

What's wrong with food constructed the way its meant to be?

every time they put tins down some helpful person would move them out the way so they could put the plates down

Whole TNS family pissing themselves here

Exactly Keema, they should leave well alone!

I have found the answer OP, controversial EU crockery tax levied on Chinese ceramics. Anyway according to the Guardian caramel-glazed house brick is the new slate.

I refuse to eat food served on a slate, it makes me cringe.

Deconstructed pudding can fuck right off an' all.

And what's with the pouncy name

au jus I feel like shouting its fucking gravy

Noooo Tigga I once had soup served in a 'quirky' bread bowl that sprung a leak and slowly oozed out all over the table cloth and my new dress and the bread was all soggy and minging.

I have been served food on a mirror. I thought I had twice as many chips as I had initially. Ultimate heartache.

It hacks me off no end at places like Harvester - I've paid for my meat, you tell me to choose the chips and sauce and veg - the sauce is the cheapest thing!! WHY DO YOU GIVE ME AN AMOUNT LESS THAN I COULD SNEEZE?!?!?!?!?!?!

Also, I eat my steak blue. Like, don't put it in the pan, just tell them to say hello to each other. You can't eat blue steak without the blood and on wood, the blood seeps away D= What else am I gonna dip my chips in?!?!

I need a lie down now

Someone's beaten you to the board and tiny axe!
www.kentishtowner.co.uk/wp-content/uploads/2013/12/flatiron-PWF-0220-lo.jpg

notso you've just ruined a dream for me, I had the idea it would be like really nice garlic bread but food flavored as well.

FreeTheSauceTiggaxx

DH had a similar rant last weekend

He ordered a burger and chips in the local pub which was served on a slate, with about 5 presented in an old baked beans tin with the label removed

He was most disgusted, our local has gone all poncy

People who want burger and chips want burger and chips. Make it as gourmet and as meat-tastic as you like but don't make it into a Blue Peter craft exercise. Just gimme the grub.

Old baked bean tins indeed!

I went somewhere where they did amuse bouches of lemon foam.

So pretty much, washing up liquid.

It was vile.

Your bouche was unamused?

Snorted at unamused Bouche!

Tigga stick to cheese, tomato and salami on a bread platter or as I like to call it Pizza!