To think we are just as entitled to this help as 'older' people?

[Edenviolet]

We have four dcs all with significant health issues. I do not drive and we struggle to get them to the numerous and frequent hospital appts and they also have a lot of illnesses so need to see the gp a lot.

This has meant dh taking far too much time off and when he can't it costs a fortune in taxi fares.

Our gp surgery runs a transport scheme for gp and hosp appts. I phoned today as we really need the help. The woman I spoke to was decidedly off and said the service is really meant for older people, and how had I been getting to appts till now why couldn't I do that. She was very sharp in her manner and quite dismissive. Then she said I had to see the dr to get approved and that they might not and if they do there was no guarantee she would be able to find a driver when I needed one.

I phoned back to make the gp appt and suddenly heard my name in the background- the woman I'd just spoken to was talking about me and dcs to another person and it didn't sound complimentary! The receptionist I was speaking to suddenly realised, put the call on hold then came back on and said , oh I'm really sorry about that.

It has made me feel like rubbish

My last post was following on from my earlier post about your dh being a carer and retraining while he is off work.

Our rent alone is £600 a month we would get that paid I suppose as currently get no hb at all and we would get full hb if dh gave up work but I will have to speak to him, he's always been very very against not working.

"dh gets slightly over the threshold for things like getting tax credits"

You don't mean that to say that you don't get tax credits?? You'd have to have an income well above £40k for you to have no tax credits at all.

The threshold for tax credit exemption cards is £15,276.

I take it that you and DH both pay the prescription pre-payment certificates, rather than paying for each prescription? That will save some money.

You know also, that if your DH is working full time and you get carer's allowance, you're allowed to apply for help with childcare costs through tax credits? It's up to 70% of the cost, up to a limit of £300 per week, income dependent.

About the driving lessons I think you need to improve your depression first. Is your dh reasonably patient, if so just have a few lessons and do loads of practising with dh.
I still think he should give up work for a while, you would find it easier to get healthy yourself if he did, and it is a good opportunity to retrain for him, as I said.

We get tax credits but he earns just over the threshold to get tax credits AND free prescriptions. Sorry I didn't make that very clear.

I get carers but only the once even though all dcs get dla. Would that change and we would get it twice if dh was also a carer?

We don't get tax credits, Lougle. DH doesn't earn £40k.

The only thing I pay for on prescriptions is my anti depressants and steroid cream for eczema.

The rest is stuff that dcs also have, inhalers epi pens, eczema lotions so what I do is just order theirs more often soi can use them too to save money.

He might be against not working, but arguably YOU work harder than he does at the moment! He would still be working. Being a carer for your very sick children is a more than full time job, and right now that is what your children need and what is best for the family.

I'm very pro-work, but I don't see how giving up work in this situation would be feckless or lazy. It would be a positive thing and he would be facing up to the responsibilities at home.

Does your DH ever have all 4 DCs on his own so you can have a rest?

I seem to remember some previous posts where he was reluctant to do that and couldn't cope with all 4? That kinda makes me think that his reasons for keeping working are not as pure as he might indicate.

I'm really confused now. You said your DH was on a low wage. Yet you get no housing benefit at all??

DH is on a reasonable wage, not fantastic, but over NMW...around £7.50 per hour, and we get substantial help with our rent, with just 3 children, only one of whom gets DLA.

Something is not adding up here. Have you had benefits advice??

I don't blame him for wanting to work, that is a good thing, but in your situation he would be helping the family by working as a carer, especially since you are I'll. Then there is the chance to retrain which is worth thinking about for a better future. Some people take time out of work just for that reason.

• you are ill.

IamInvisible the fact that all 4 DCs get DLA raises the tax credit award by a minimum of £12000 and a maximum of £16940 for Hedgehog80's family, before deductions, compared with a family in the same circumstances but without the children having DLA. That means that Hedgehog80's family can have an income £30,000 - £41,300 higher than otherwise, before they would lose tax credits altogether.

We used to get hb, about £44 a week but when dd2 got awarded dla in feb 13 they stopped it all and all ctb as well.

We haven't savings at all but I just trusted the letter they sent us.

I think, if I'm honest dh struggles and work is his respite, he does a lot at night for dcs and he's tired and looks forward to work, he gets agitated if he has a day off and says he hates looking after dcs and gets stressed. I don't think he would manage not working to be truthful I can see him just walking out if he did.that scares me.

Oh, I see, thank you for explaining.

im out

the op has been given good advice on many topics concerning the troubles her family are having,but each turn is meet with a brick wall and dosent seem to really want to change things,so to me this is pointless

op you seem to want an open cheque book avaliable to you,you have a good income coming in if you are claiming your entitlement,if you made some decisions based on your dh work etc things would be financially better and easier at home but you keep finding obstacles

yes many will think this is a harsh post but unless your willing to do something about this, things wont get easier IMHO

even though ive said that i really hope that life becomes more managable for you and your family

I do want things to change, it is so hard to explain how difficult things are. Its not just a 'brick wall' at all, I have norl support and so many services I used to rely on have been cut of axed (taxi cards and home start).

Or

That is a bit unfair theywillgrowup it is ok for us to suggest things but we don't know ops full circumstances so there can easily be problems we don't know about. Also she cant make her dh do something he doesn't want to.

That's the point I was trying to make too.

All 4 dcs get DLA, that's a huge amount of money, plus carers, tax credits and a wage.

And yes, advice is asked for and ignored.

No one doubts your life is difficult, but if you won't look at solutions to fix this, it will remain so.

There's something not right there, Hedgehog80....the way it works is that when you get DLA for a child, the DLA is recorded as income but ignored in their calculations, plus you get a premium for having a disabled child, to counteract the increase in tax credits. You lose some of the housing benefit if you have the high rate care, but only about £15 per week.

You might want to get some advice on your finances - it sounds like something is wrong somewhere.

If you wanted to PM me the rates of DLA you/your children get, your DH's income, etc., I could work out what you should be getting, but I'm not asking you to, just offering to look at it if it would help.

op is also suffering from depression which makes it harder to have a can do attitude to problems. Even normal problems can seem insurmountable when you are depressed.

I have not said I refuse to change anything.

People have made suggestions which I have either taken on board and will look into or I've explained why they wouldn't work for us.

I have said I will look into another grant for driving lessons

I have said I will research if there are any other transport schemes nearby

I thought the gp transport scheme may be a help to us but it doesn't seem that it will be.

Dh has already cut his hours and takes off as much time as he can.

I have explained why we need such a large car and that we can't get rid of it as we do need it at other times and need it to be able to fit dcs and buggies etc in

I have explained why we cannot change dd1s school.

I have said I will discuss with dh again about him giving up work.

I am not being resistant to suggestions of help. Our situation is very very complex and dcs are very ill. We are limited in all that we can do, even the social worker has said she is struggling to find solutions and is struggling over what recommendations she can make at the meeting.

Did you know you can claim some of your childcare costs back, Hedgehog, via tax credits?

The law changed last year, so if you are a carer you are deemed to be 'incapacitated for work' which means that only your DH has to be working for you to claim help with child care costs.

You need a large car, yes, but be honest now, how much is it costing you a month? I bet it is not the most economical car for your circumstances, I bet it was the one your DH wanted.

Just like he wants to go to work, wants to please his mother, and wanted to go off on his holiday for 10 days so went!