To think we are just as entitled to this help as 'older' people?

[Edenviolet]

We have four dcs all with significant health issues. I do not drive and we struggle to get them to the numerous and frequent hospital appts and they also have a lot of illnesses so need to see the gp a lot.

This has meant dh taking far too much time off and when he can't it costs a fortune in taxi fares.

Our gp surgery runs a transport scheme for gp and hosp appts. I phoned today as we really need the help. The woman I spoke to was decidedly off and said the service is really meant for older people, and how had I been getting to appts till now why couldn't I do that. She was very sharp in her manner and quite dismissive. Then she said I had to see the dr to get approved and that they might not and if they do there was no guarantee she would be able to find a driver when I needed one.

I phoned back to make the gp appt and suddenly heard my name in the background- the woman I'd just spoken to was talking about me and dcs to another person and it didn't sound complimentary! The receptionist I was speaking to suddenly realised, put the call on hold then came back on and said , oh I'm really sorry about that.

It has made me feel like rubbish

I have just 5 a-c gcses, couldn't earn more than dh. Don't think I could work currently also due to quite bad anxiety and depression.

Completely wrong about the being able to take time out of low paid work floggingmolly the trade dh is in if he's out of it for a while he will never get back in.

Owl lady, do you get the patient discount for parking at addenbrookes? If you go to the reception desk, or I think there's an office in the car park as well, you can get £3 parking for as long as you are going to be there. Obviously this is no help if you end up in and out (costs about 20p more with patient ticket) but useful if you are there longer than a couple of hours.

Can he go part time? He's entitled to have his request considered. Obviously you'd have to crunch the numbers, but it might be feasible.

you have to do whats best now for your family in this case

worry about the future later

many good suggestions on this thread op

Well, if he quit his job for now, could he go to school and get the skills for a better-paying job? Most schools are not all day every day like working, it might be easier to work around that schedule, and you could collect whatever assistance you qualify for in the meantime.

Oh, parking at hospital wise, lots offer a weekly or monthly ticket if you're there frequently for treatment. Ours is £5 for 4 hours or £10 for a month, I think. You have to obtain this from inside the hospital though.

He already cut his hours from a 7am start to a 930 start to enable him to help with getting dcs up, physio and school run and he leaves half an hr earlier but still doesn't get back till after six. His employer lets him have some time off for appts but he can't do all of them as its a very small business

Could you ask the taxi companies to do you a discount.It mightnt be much but its better than nothing

Your situation sounds extremely complex OP. I agree that a long term solution is what you should be planning for and working towards and hopefully your SW is in the right tracks to assist you in that quest.

I'm not sure where you love, but our council have this service available. Do you know if yours run anything similar?

I'm not sure, I don't think there are similar schemes as I've been trying to find out and not come across anything. I will keep looking though.

Have you had a carers' assessment?

The caf assessment is meant to incorporate everything I think, there's a big meeting in two weeks about all dcs.

How far is your DH's work ? Could you move closer to your dh's work and then he could cycle.

If you don't get any joy, ask for a separate carers' assessment. You are entitled to that.

Do you have a special needs Health Visitor?We do and she's been brilliant,we have 5DC,two our our children are disabled and I became disabled nearly 5 years ago.

Have you got in touch with any charity's that may be able to help?Children's Centers?the CAB?your local MP?they're all worth speaking to and tell them just how bloody hard things are for all of you!I've found in the past that the one's that shout loud enough get the most help.

I'm having to learn to ask for help as my health gets worse.

Could your husband work from home?Or would you be better of if he gave up work?I know some people may frown on that idea but then those people don't have to live your life and have no idea how hard you and your family are having it.

Dh's work is just over an hour away. Can't move (we have tried but we have a council house and nobody wants to swap).

It would be easier if he gave up work but then we would be totally reliant on benefits.
Dh wants to stay working for as long as possible depending on if things get any worse obviously.

Your DP needs to seriously think about giving up work.I've read a few of your threads and I really don't know how he can watch you struggle like you do.He needs to stay at home,for your sake,your children's sake and financially.

Yep.You might find out you are no worse off with him stopping work.It is definitely worth looking into.Perhaps you could get a little job to get you out of the house and give you something different other than the children to focus on and maybe meet new peopkle.It might help with your depression and anxiety.

Sounds like a bit of a nightmare. I'd be surprised if any transport scheme would take you and all your children, they usually just take the patient and a carer/parent. Hospital transport do often do a pickup and drop off of several people so it's not always the equivalent of a taxi. There's often a lot of waiting around.

Something clearly has to give in your situation, you either suck up the costs of a taxi for all your DCs to come with you, find the money for driving lessons or your DH needs to stay at home (possibly you work instead) so he can drive them there. I'm not so sure there's many other options.

We can't just 'find' the money for lessons or as many taxis as we need. We do not have any money left over each week/month.

What we need is more support to get to appts nd to enable dh to keep working.

Oh Hedgehog80 every time you post my heat goes out to you, your situation is terrible and you have made some positive steps to try and help yourself e.g. stopping looking after your sister and reducing contact with 'toxic' family.

You problems are large:

1. You have 4 DC all of who have health problems, some v serious.
2. You have health problems and can't manage looking after your children, you can't drive, you can;t physically manage the heavy lifting.
3. Your DH has health problems too, and he works a lot in a low paid and stressful job with family who treat him like dirt.
4. Neither of you have any qualifications or job prospects.
5. Your money coming in is not enough to cover your outgoings (which include private school fees for one of your children).
6. Getting to appointments for your DCs is placing a major strain on your finances and costs.

You can't fix everything in one go, but you might be able to make some changes.

Solution A - DH gives up work:

The obvious solution is for DH to stop work and become the main carer. He has a car and can drive and can do appointments. You will be better off financially. You are foolish to not do this as DH is He’s doing a job which requires little qualifications. He will be able to get another low-paid job in 10 years time or something! It’s not like he's on a career path to greatness.

You say you can't work due to depression and anxiety. So do you get incapacity benefit or whatever it's now called? Have you ever had a job? Have you made any progress with your anxiety and depression? Working outside the home might be better for your mental health.

Solution B - move somewhere where you are not physically isolated:

Where do you live now? What do you live in - owned or rented? Can you move closer to the main hospital you use?

You never managed to drive despite having lessons previously. Was this due to physical reasons or you mental health? Again - if you don't think you can ever drive then it makes sense to move to an area with good public transport or closer amenities so taxis would be cheaper.

Can you move to where your Dad is?

Cut costs:

Stop paying for private school, you obviously cannot afford it no matter how many times you try and justify it on here.

I know its incredibly unkind and you can't un-do a child, but why on earth you ever thought having 4 DCs was a good idea when neither you or your DH have any decent job prospects, or good physical or even mental health. The thought baffels me.