to not want the OW at my child's football match?

[Yogagirl17]

Am I within my rights to tell XH that he has no fucking right to bring OW to our DC's football match? I would like to watch my son play football and don't think I should have to set eyes on her skanky face in order to do it?

[Monetbyhimself]

Don't give them the power of making that decision for you. It's shit, it's unfair but you can bet your bottom dollar that when your lad scores he'll be looking round to see if YOU saw him, not some random woman who has contributed to tearing his life apart. You are raw, and being bitter is perfectly normal in the circumstances.

[justmyview]

My friends' parents separated many years ago. 20 years later, my friend began to realise that her father had been unfaithful, never paid maintenance, only maintained contact with my friend due to the efforts of her DM etc.

The love & admiration that my friend felt for her mother was immense, for realising that despite her mother's pain, she managed to keep that to herself, recognising that my friend's relationship with her father was entirely separate from the relationship between the parents. My friend was under no illusion what a jack ass her father was, but she loved him in her own way

[Yogagirl17]

WooWooOwl - the problem is, XH & OW are NOT irrelevent to what i decide to do. I would love to watch DS play but I just don't feel strong enough to face them together.

And for whoever asked - it's actually been 2years now. The thing is, they lay very low for a long time and then pretended their relationship only developed long after we split. I mean, i knew the truth but it was much easier to ignore. So it's only in the last couple of months that they are appearing in public as a couple and all doing things together as a "family". So even though I don't still have feelings for him (truly - I am happier without him), the reality of their new life together being so public is only just hitting home now. I've actually been pretty ok for a long time, but the last few weeks and now this have just sent me into a downward spin. It's really hard.

[alwaysneedaholiday]

Luckily football pitches are big!

Stand away from them, focus on your son, the football match and keeping warm. Then walk away with your head held high. Their opinion of you is irrelevant - they are the lowest of the low.

This same situation happened at our football club last season - you can be assured that the other parents didn't have a lot of time for the 'skanky' couple.

[LadyHarrietdeSpook]

Lunar 1's suggestion is cracking re taking a gorgeous friend to give knowing looks.

[WallyBantersJunkBox]

When is the match? Do you have time to connect with a couple of other mums beforehand? In the playground or via an email?

I would feel better if I was walking in with someone, and had someone to chat to instead of feeling awkward.

After the game who will your son go to when he comes off the pitch? It'd just be nice having another mum or dad there with you for moral support.

[Caitlin17]

YANBU. Why on earth does she want to be there? Even if she were married to and living with your ex I wouldn't see any need for her to be pleasant and friendly towards your children.

[Alisvolatpropiis]

Yanbu to feel that way op but if you don't go, your son will be disappointed in you.

Caitlin you don't see why people whose partners have children should be pleasant and friendly to those children. Wtf?

[EdithWeston]

Consider taking a hip flask?

If you can meet up with someone (anyone) so you're no standing alone, it might help.

(If that person can be you, male, good looking and wearing Lycra, so much the better).

[Yogagirl17]

hugless - I meant asking XH who should be there not DS! Not entirely sure why she is going TBH. My suspicion is that she is insecure & clingy and doesn't like letting him out of her sight. I would be much happier If I could go with a friend or knew some of the other parents better.

[Yogagirl17]

Alis - I suspect Caitling was being sarcastic & having a dig at me.

[BruthasTortoise]

I'm sorry OP but I think you're being unreasonable. Yes, affairs are hurtful, awful things but the way they have conducted themselves since has not been awful. They have been together two years, they are obviously committed to each other and DS is his son too.

[AllDirections]

Where do you live OP? Maybe a few of us mums could come along and pretend to be your best buddies

Just so you don't feel so alone!

[AndiPandi]

Sorry but YABU. So they have been together for 2 years, she obviously loves your ex and that means accepting he has children. That means those children are part of her life wether you like it or not. It's far nicer for the children if they feel liked and welcome by new partners. You need to stop & think how your children would feel if Dad's new girlfriend didn't like them or want anything to do with them. A football pitch is a big place you don't need to stand anywhere near them, although tbh it would be better for son if you could manage to be civil.

[Caitlin17]

Sorry what I meant was beyond being pleasant and friendly! i. e as long as she is that there is no need to but in on things like this.

Why anyone who isn't a parent would want to is beyond me. I'd have sent a body double to son's rugby matches if I could.

[sockssandalsandafork]

the fact they have only just 'come out' after nearly 2years puts a different slant on it, I presume they have kept it quiet to avoid upset (to you and dc's) I cant imagine they would leave it that long just so nobody would judge them.

So, my oroginal post still stands but theyre not as massive a pair of twats as I indicated earlier!

stay at the other end of the pitch!

[Thisisaghostlyeuphemism]

Ds stepmother somehow manages to be very lovely yet does not attend ds school meetings and football matches - maybe that's because she has a life of her own and wouldn't want to tread on anyone's toes.

I'm sorry you feel bad op, but agree with others, best thing is to go along, head held high- I'm sure others will suss the situation. Concentrate on ds winning goals.

[Lovecat]

When my DNiece was small I used to take her riding at the weekend. Her father and the OW announced one week that 'they' were going to take her and I should stay away . Apparently (I was good mates with the instructor) the skanky pair spent the entire lesson wrapped around each other with playing tonsil hockey and ignoring DN, even though the instructor was so pissed off with them that she was doing over-loud-parenting-style encouragement to the little girl ("WELL DONE DN, that's EXCELLENT, LOOK at you!"). And the fuckers told her at the end of the lesson that I'd be paying, as usual.

Some people are just scummy, I'm afraid, OP. In their case the OW was terrified he'd go back to his wife and family even though SIL had moved on by then, and made every effort to muscle her way into SIL's place, to the extent that she insisted the children sat next to her 'as the wife' at their grandfather's funeral, even when the littlest was crying for his mum, banished to four pews back...

He left her a few years ago for yet another woman. SIL had a quiet chuckle.

[Yogagirl17]

Oh sorry Caitlin - misunderstood!

and Bruthas - the way they have conducted themselves has been awful because they are still LYING to people. I would much, much rather they had just admitted it all and gone public in the beginning. It would have felt awful, but at the time everything felt awful anyway. And I would be over it by now. Instead, it's like they waited until I finally started to feel normal again and THEN they knocked me down again. And kicked me in the face and knocked out a few teeth just for good measure.

[Caitlin17]

YogaI wasn't being sarcastic I missed out part of my post. I don't agree with you however. I don't really get the need for OW/2nd wives or whatever to try to be a "mother" where there is still a real, loving and involved mother.

[Yogagirl17]

socks no you have it all wrong. They have waited 2 years to 'come out' precicely to avoid people judging them. The kids knew about her a long time ago, it's got absolutely nothing to do with them. It is purely so that they can try adn keep their dirty little secret.

[BruthasTortoise]

I'm sorry you feel like that Yoga and you're more than entitled to your feelings. I think, for me personally, I would prefer that if my DH cheated that he and the OW would keep a low profile until I had myself and the kids sorted. I appreciate that's not your feeling on it though.