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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to ask you if you had a big baby & episiotomy the first time then had better luck second time around?

80 replies

Cbeebijeebies · 09/01/2014 15:28

Just that really Smile

Had a horrific 4hr birth (1 and a half of which were spent pushing!) with 9lb 4 DS1 but now me & DP are thinking of having one more and I'm fairly set on an ELCS as I'm just too scared of having another birth like that. It took ages to heal and the stitches fell out early so it all just fell apart & was very traumatic. Looking to be more educated on it though just in case.

OP posts:
Wincher · 09/01/2014 15:30

Not quite the same, but I had an episiotomy and a forceps delivery with my first baby, who was 8lb13oz, and then a home waterbirth with no tearing with the second baby (8lb11oz). I think a lot of it is due to positioning etc. Second labours are generally much easier.

Original poster
Cbeebijeebies · 09/01/2014 15:35

I was in the pool for and hour of the pushing then they had to get me out as DS's crown had been going out and back in for a while. I think lying on my back actually made it harder! But it was necessary for the cut etc.

It was just his head...the rest of him shot out (scuse the tmi Grin ).

OP posts:
Thetallesttower · 09/01/2014 15:37

Yes, I had better luck second time around, no tears/probs whatsoever, but it was luck and you can't depend on other people's lucky stories really to help you make your own decision- VB does always carry these risks, although it is often a lot easier second time around.

Original poster
Cbeebijeebies · 09/01/2014 15:40

That's what I'm worried about tall

I don't want to go through it all again and I know a CS is very invasive but if i'm going to tear/be cut anywhere i'd rather it wasn't there, especially as i've already got a long scar from the epi'. I had PTSD for a fair while after & I'm just not sure I could do it again tbh.

OP posts:
BarbarianMum · 09/01/2014 15:40

Second time round I had a bigger baby (10lb 8-ds1 was 8lb 10) but a much better birth (though I needed both an episiotomy and forceps again).

What made the difference was part luck (waters didn't break so OP ds2 could turn, whilst with ds1 waters went first so he was stuck OP for ages), better care (1:1 midwife who kept me active to help turn baby), the fact that I'd done it before so I was less scared and also that things like dilation happened much quicker which made them more bearable.

Having said that my first birth was very long so faster was good for me. If your first was 4 hours then maybe quicker isn't what you want?

Binkyridesagain · 09/01/2014 15:41

I had a big baby first time round, same weight as your son, she was all head and long body, I had a tear.

2nd baby fell out of me, he was only just over 6lb, but he wasn't hanging around once he decided it was time he only took 2.5 hrs. No tears. Its a good job I decided we were having a home delivery otherwise I think he would have been born in the hospital foyer.

Original poster
Cbeebijeebies · 09/01/2014 15:43

The hospital is an hour away so i'm worried about that too. The aftercare was ridiculous with DS. I fainted twice from the shock and hit my head really badly on the floor the second time then was left to look after DS when my head was simming and I couldn't really walk due to the epi. Discharged myself the next morning even though they asked me not to!

OP posts:
Original poster
Cbeebijeebies · 09/01/2014 15:43

Glad to hear that Binky Smile

OP posts:
speak2me · 09/01/2014 15:48

Oh watching this, interested in answers as DS was 9lbs 8oz, required a cut and when finally came out he had a hand by his head (MW described it as Superman). About to start ttc dc2 and hoping birth might be a bit easier!

Floralnomad · 09/01/2014 15:48

I had a 10lb 3oz first baby and was in a remarkably similar situation ,although when I fainted and bashed my head my baby was in SCBU and I got lots of care and a blood transfusion! I opted for a section with my second (6 yrs later) and if I could go back and start again I would most definitely have 2 elective sections ,it was fantastic and IME a far easier recovery.

Original poster
Cbeebijeebies · 09/01/2014 15:53

Oh that's really interestign flora

I hit my head on some tiles in the bathroom bit of the suite and they didn't believe me when I said I fell from standing Hmm I fainted again when I was wheeling DS to the recovery bit. I did wonder if it was to do with blood loss or something.

I think i'd have to beg for an ELC if we do give it a go then as I don't think I can risk that again. It also affected how I felt about DS at the time which makes me really sad as I felt like I lost out on 'the bond' until he was a bit older.

OP posts:
higgle · 09/01/2014 16:01

They didn't do episiotomies where DS1 was born, considered a tear to be better for you. He was not huge but I had big tear and lots of stitches.
16 hours labour, lots of agony.

DS 2 born at home, 2lb heavier (10lb) no tear, genuinely no pain, just a bit of discomfort. 2nd time around is generally much much easier.

Creamycoolerwithcream · 09/01/2014 16:02

My 3 were 9lb, 9lb and 8lb 5oz. The first was an hour of pushing, the second about 20 minutes and the third about 3 minutes. The first was the most painful by a long way but I didn't need stitches and arrived to late/plus didn't really want any pain relief with any of them. The second birth was definitely better than the first and the third hardly hurt and I just felt so calm and in control of my body. I was scared during my second pregnancy but it was better. Be warned though it could be a lot quicker so do allow for this.

jacks365 · 09/01/2014 16:03

My first was the biggest and by far the hardest, episiotomy and a tear but I was fine with the rest they were still bigger than average babies.

Creamycoolerwithcream · 09/01/2014 16:04

Forgot to say I spent most of my labours on all fours but laid on my back for the pushing bit. That seemed to work for me.

DOROTHYP · 09/01/2014 16:12

I had episiotomy first time round and I thought I'd never sit right again. Second time I tore and they repaired the tight stitching from the scarring and I was a new woman up and about after two days.I was terrified of being cut again almost to the point I didn't want another birth. But baby number two was very different no two births are ever the same x

FanFuckingTastic · 09/01/2014 16:12

I had my son at 37 weeks, it was an induction and it took several days to get me into established labour. It was twelve hours, with two and a half of that pushing, and he wasn't coming out without the episiotomy. I had the full works - gas and air, pethidine and a spinal block for the pain. It took months to recover from it, and I was hospitalised again two days following the birth with bowel blockages, severe anaemia and a womb infection.

My daughter was induced at 38 weeks, and all I needed was ARM and a drip for about an hour. My labour was an hour and a half long and about ten minutes of that was pushing. I never even had a graze and I was up and about after half an hour having a bath. I established breast feeding almost immediately as she was put up onto my bare skin from birth, and it took me ten days to recover and stop bleeding. The after pains were shocking, but because I chose to remain in hospital for three days I was given pethidine for them.

Huge difference between the two births.

firesidechat · 09/01/2014 16:12

DD1 - 8lb 3oz - induced labour, epidural, very long second stage, episiotomy which healed well.

DD2 - 7lb 13oz - induced labour, gas and air, straightforward labour, no episiotomy, small tear, which also healed well.

As you can see from above, history didn't repeat itself and I actually quite enjoyed the second labour. Well as much as you can ever enjoy labour.

Doyouthinktheysaurus · 09/01/2014 16:13

I had a very easy birth with 10lb 7oz ds2 following a fairly horrid forceps and episiotomy experience with 9lb4oz ds1.

For me, having a relatively easy birth and recovery with ds2 helped lay to bed the ghosts of ds1's birth.

I certainly didn't have ptsd though and although you may get many positive stories on here, you have to do what is right for you.

Good luck with whatever you decide Thanks

firesidechat · 09/01/2014 16:22

I also agree with Doyouthinktheysaurus about laying demons to rest with the second birth.

In retrospect the first experience was pretty traumatic and it all felt very out of my control. After the second one I was on a bit of a high because of how much better it had been.

katheroo · 09/01/2014 16:29

My first was 6 (yes 6!) hours of pushing, he was eventually born with forceps and an episiotomy, which resulted in lots of stitches and generally feeling like I'd been involved in a horrific accident. However my second was an amazing birth in comparison, born very quickly with no stitches needed and a very quick recovery. I'm 5 weeks away from my third and looking forward to a home birth.Smile

pianodoodle · 09/01/2014 16:30

My first was only 6 pounds 11 and I tore although DD's hand did most of the damage as it was over her face.

My second was born 2 days ago in a birthing pool - 8 pounds 9 yet not a graze Grin

I'm very small and knew this one was much bigger so I'd been worrying about the same thing - so you just never know what will happen!

It must be less to do with the size of baby than I thought - probably a whole mixture of factors.

Creamycoolerwithcream · 09/01/2014 16:33

Someone once said to me it's easier to have a big baby because they push themselves out and I was like no, it was definitely me that did the pushing.

KentKate · 09/01/2014 16:36

I was like you - DD1 was 10lbs and a difficult 18 hr birth with episiotomy and ventouse. The medical profession in its wisdom decided that DD2 was 11lbs and were worried about shoulder dystocia (baby's shoulders getting stuck, a serious medical emergency) but despite this they wouldn't give me a CS, which I asked for. In reality DD2 was only 8 lbs and popped out in an hour, and so did DS1, who was 9lbs.

Most people I know who had a difficult first birth had a much easier time with subsequent births.

loveliesbleeding1 · 09/01/2014 16:38

I have had 3 big babies, my first was an episiotomy birth and 6 weeks recovery, the next 2 births were no intervention at all, and no.3 was my biggest (10 lbs).