I can't ever imagine returning to work. And I'm quite happy with that

[Anyfuckerisnotguilty]

Although I realise that makes me seem quite odd to others

But I actually really like not working and just being able to do whatever I want

Ah okay!

That makes more sense!

Chunderella, I guess when you're saying two people on 15k would be quite something you are talking about a particular very depressed part of the country and you're talking about two people without qualifications or a trade. The only person I know personally on 15k is a teaching assistant but she does it to get out the house as she doesn't need the money due to her husbands salary and her many years working as a chartered accountant before they decided to leave London for the country and the 'good life'.

Back to the thread; my DH is more than happy for me to sah whilst he works f/t as if I said I wanted to go back, we'd need to take a serious look at his working pattern as it simply wouldn't be practical for him to do what he does and be out the country so much if I wasn't at home without work commitments.

I'm actually the daughter of a miner who grew up in a pit village before, during and after it closed. I have seen proper poverty close up. We then moved south and my father went to university to better himself otherwise I'm not sure where we'd have been. I still went all through school on FSM though so I am more aware than many other women in my social circle.

No, I don't have recent experience but I do understand, albeit from a child/teenagers POV what living on the breadline is all about. I remember my father applying for 100s of jobs all over the country and then deciding that bettering his education was the only way out. He finally got a manual labouring job at a university which at that time came with a house. He started studying there the following year and they allowed him to change to shifts and still keep the house thankfully.

I don't cast blame on people in the poverty trap but I do think there's less of that mindset that my parents generation had that living on benefits was a last resort and so you must apply for everything up and down the country and move accordingly. People seem keener to stay close and only look for jobs near home. With my grandparents, he worked all day whilst she stayed home and kept house and slept a little then he'd come in, she'd feed him, put kids to bed and work through the night coming home to do breakfast. I think fewer people resort to that sort of thing these days.

The social circle comment was my observation that most people I am friendly with are either uni friends or NCT/school friends. None of them had a childhood similar to mine and in fact many of the local mums had a very similar privileged upbringing to to what their children and mine are having now. I guess I'm unusual in that a mixture of education and luck (DHs job) has meant that my childrens upbringing is vastly different from mine rather than just aspirationally better if that makes sense.

Anyway, sorry for taking the thread off on a tangent. DH has just got in and looks like he could do with a glass of wine so off to be dutiful seeing as he keeps me and all!

My second paragraph in my last but one post wasn't benefit bashing, simply an observation of trends. My parents were lucky that my dad had the brains to study. Being less academic doesn't make you less worthy of getting out, just less likely to manage it.

Each to their own OP. Even if I could afford not to I think I'd still go to work. I love my job, and even though its stressful sometimes I can't imagine staying at home instead - especially when my youngest is in school full time in Sept.

This is just the OP being a goady bitch surely? I'd love to not work.
Bills to pay though

That's a bit harsh WhereDo

The OP posted on Thursday and hasn't returned. How is that not being goady?

If you were to look at her posting history, there's a chance she may be busy. Or something.

Stuff happens.

Did the OP ever come back and say where her funding comes from? Hard working DH? Family fortune?

I often wonder what the people on here with school age or older children who don't work would say, if their DH announced he didn't much fancy working ever any more and would be happy at home?!

I think the OP started the thread in response to another one - the earnings one maybe? - where people were being heavily criticised for not working (for money). Not sure why she hasn't been back to comment though. Maybe it was just a statement she wanted to make.

Looks to me like she started it as a bit of musing and then got caught up with something.

fedup in light of this thread I had a long chat with my DH last night about how he felt about me not earning money (I won't say not working-I think I do work hard in the house and garden, and on our home life). He is fine, doesn't care I'm not bringing money into the household, but if I wanted to get a part time job he'd be supportive. He doesn't want me to get a full time job because he doesn't want to have to be available for any childcare, dog care, housework etc, if I can't do it.

He brings in a good income, and quite honestly, any income I could bring in would be peanuts in comparison.

I worked until I had DD2 at 34, and it became financially unviable with childcare costs for two children.

When I stopped working then, I didn't think that I would never go back, and it hasn't really been possible until now as I went on to have ds3. But at approaching 50, I do think it is now or never really if I am going to work again.

Incidentally, I would take any job instantly if we needed the money.

I think it is an enviable position to be in, to chose to work or not, but I want to get it right. I don't want to get to 60, and think that I have wasted my last decade or so by not working.

My DH asked me to stop working after 20 years FT and him being PT and being the SAHP. He wanted to pursue his career before it was too late. I'd achieved reasonably well in my field and there wasn't any burning desire to do any more so it suited us both. I also really wanted to have a turn at being the SAHP. We have to live very frugally now as his work doesn't pay as well (ironic and unfair, he is much more skilled than me). It's not about what money each person brings in, it's the contribution to the household's quality of life.

My DCs are school.age so I do have child free time each day but I also look after elderly relatives, volunteer at DDs school etc. but yes I do get time to myself too. But I worked really hard for 20 years with no time to myself at all, so I don't feel guilty about that.

"Did the OP ever come back and say where her funding comes from? Hard working DH? Family fortune?

I often wonder what the people on here with school age or older children who don't work would say, if their DH announced he didn't much fancy working ever any more and would be happy at home?!"

No, think it was a goady post. From a quick search, she is a SAHM funded by her DH. Good job he doesnt share her views of never wanting to work

Ah right. I assumed she must have worked in some amazing high powered job, inherited a shed load or won the lottery, so that her financial future was secure. If she is partnering someone who is happy to fund her, then that's fine too if the partner is happy with that arrangment, though I do wonder whether the OP has really thought through the long term implications of pension etc

I also think that although there is absolutely nothing wrong with this set up if both partners are truly fulfilled and happy with it, it's probably fairly unusual these days. People tend to partner someone of similar abilities and outlook on life. I can see this set up working well for a couple where one has an incredibly interesting / worthwhile career which also pays well, and the other doesn't, but I would think couples like that tend to be rare. If both partners have interesting work, or something incredibly valuable to society, then it would seem unusual for one to decide never to work again.

Equally, if neither partner is skilled or has good earning capacity, and working is simply to pay the bills, then it would be odd for one partner to abdicate responsibility and leave the other to take it all on.

I think those who suspect the OP of goadiness are along the right lines... Why start a post stating that you don't work and never will again, and then disappear...?
Cool- whatever floats your boat OP (and your partner's!) but you don't need validation from the rest of us

I'd prefer to give a regular poster the benefit of the doubt. I'm sure we'd all appreciate that sometimes.

Fair enough; just seems an odd thing to post about, especially to post and not respond

But Janey, a huge difference in earnings doesn't necessarily mean you've married someone with hugely differing qualifications of drive.

DH and I both good Alevels and RG uni (he then followed this with oxbridge, me with an MA at same RG uni). We also both have a professional qualification. Trouble is, I'm a teacher and he's a lawyer who works for an American investment bank. We both loved our jobs but his takes him out to the US frequently and with 4kids under 10 it will be difficult for me to work and childcare and run house simply because his hours and travel means that he can rarely help with those things.
He's a great husband and father and if I said I really wanted to continue at work, he'd give up the job he does and take one that maybe earns half his current salary but means slightly less hours and less international travel.

However, we made the decision as a family that the high income (5x what I could earn ft) was something which gave us financial security and him the dream career he craved. I mostly enjoy being at home and will review it all when they are all at school but I know that teaching can be very inflexible and so I can't see f/t ever being an option again. But I'm ok with that and haven't been forced into it.

It doesn't mean that either of us have chosen a partner who differs hugely in terms of either education or outlook.

' then it would be odd for one partner to abdicate responsibility and leave the other to take it all on.'

But they haven't 'taken it all on'. Presumably the other partner is 'taking on all of' the childcare and house stuff? An equal, if different, and important task that needs doing by someone. It seems almost an obsession on here that ONLY paid work is contributing in a family!

It also seems silly that some would insist that both parents should be working 'full time' even if that means outsourcing childcare/housework etc just to be their version of 'equal' when they can do different jobs themselves, eg both working part time around each other, one working or staying home etc and doing all their stuff for themselves ie not involving a third party at all!

How a family splits their workload (and paid work only a part of that) is up to them, there is no right way. It isn't both full time and everything else is a cop out.