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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To tell DH how to spend HIS money

129 replies

AhoyMcCoy · 08/01/2014 21:04

All money is shared. Goes into one account, bills etc paid, and then we both get an amount (approx £20 per week) to spend on whatever we like for ourselves. It's totally unaccountable- I don't question his spends and he doesn't question mine (nail polish, magazines & kindle books if you must know!)

HOWEVER. He used £10 of his weekly spends on gambling bet from some guy he follows on twitter. This guy is one of those professional gamblers who tells you how to turn your £10 into £1000 within a week.

DH has got £500 so far. Tomorrow is the final bet, where you turn your £500 into £1000. I'm BEGGING with him to stop here- £500 is money we could do with desperately, we'd love a holiday etc- it would be so nice to have a chunk of money we could be frivolous with together. I can't believe anyone could gamble £500?! But he is insistent it's his £10, and I have no say in it, and he can do what he likes with it.

If he wins the £1000, he's said it's shared and we will book a holiday, but I still don't want to risk the £500!!

So- MN Jury, AIBU?!

OP posts:
Bogeyface · 09/01/2014 15:37

I wasnt saying it is family money but that she could suggest it. Tbh, if I won £500 on say the lottery from a ticket I had bought out my personal spends, then I wouldnt consider it anything other than "ours". "We" would have won £500.

Bogeyface · 09/01/2014 15:40

Sorry submitted too soon.

I meant to add that everyone saying let him get on with it, have you seen the damage a gambling addiction can do? As Fraidy said, you can get through astounding amounts of money, but because of the odd big win, you think you are doing well.

My friend that I mentioned above has had his life totally ruined by his gambling addiction. He has lost his career, his home, some members of his family, some friends and now has a criminal record. He is a quiet unassuming man, and prison nearly finished him off as he just wasnt equipped to deal with it.

It is not just £10, it is now £500 and spaffing that on the back of advice from a stranger on the internet is not only staggeringly stupid, but selfish and dangerous too.

wowfudge · 09/01/2014 16:43

If he does win £1000, he has offered to share his winnings with you - that's really lovely of him (if he wins). As long as he does not get into a situation where you are both paying for his stupidity in gambling money away, that is fine I would say.

dustarr73 · 09/01/2014 16:49

So its alright for him to tell you how to spend your treat money.Thought not,anyway if you want a holiday save it out of your own money.If he wins its from "his money" it will be just that,his money.Whether he shares or not is another thing now.
All money is shared does that work both ways or if its his money only.

MomsStiffler · 09/01/2014 16:51

if you want a holiday save it out of your own money

^^

This

DameDeepRedBetty · 09/01/2014 16:55

yabu, but it's all moved on from there anyway Grin

Just placemarking really to find out whether he won and if so where you're going to take the holiday! And also to find out who the tipster is if it comes off...

MeepMeepVrooooom · 09/01/2014 17:23

Ooooh I really want him to win so you get your holiday OP. P

DontmindifIdo · 09/01/2014 17:52

Bogeyface, yes I have. However, there is no sign at all that the OP's DH is some how addicted because he's wasted a whole £10 of his money on a bet.

If he loses, he has still only cost the family £10. if he'd never gambled that in the first place, there would be no £500 now, he decided to put £10 bet on in a chance he'll get £1k. That's the risk he took. All they will lose if that £10 - £1k bet doesn't pay out is £10 - they've never had the £500.

FourAndDone · 09/01/2014 18:02

So when will we know?Smile

likeit · 09/01/2014 18:03

I

likeit · 09/01/2014 18:03

I completely see your point but it is his £10, so YABU

Original poster
AhoyMcCoy · 09/01/2014 18:06

Bet takes place tonight- I'm off out but will update you all tomorrow morning at the latest with the outcome!

DH does not have an addictive pers

OP posts:
Original poster
AhoyMcCoy · 09/01/2014 18:08

Posted too soon- DH does not have an addictive personality and I'm not concerned about it raging out of control. It's £10.

Funnily enough, he said if he had £500 in the bank, he'd never dream of gambling it just to get £1000. Too much risk not enough reward apparently. He just genuinely sees this as betting £10 to win £1000, not like the £500 is his.

OP posts:
CrestaRun · 09/01/2014 19:26

It's ok for him to do this as long as he doesn't start down the slippery slope of gambling Sad

This is how is starts.

HappyMummyOfOne · 09/01/2014 20:27

As long as his gambling is under control then i dont see the problem.

You spend your money how you like and if you wanted a holiday so badly could have saved it instead of spending it and he spends his money how he wants. You cant dictate that his spending has rules, he is not a child.

WhatAPallava · 09/01/2014 20:32

Place marking to see result!

anotherrandomusername · 09/01/2014 22:22

Me too!

ButICantaloupe · 09/01/2014 22:52

Any news?

Hawkmoth · 09/01/2014 22:58

Urgh. Been wondering about this all day!

Laststop · 09/01/2014 23:18

Marking my place to see the result fingers crossed for him

wobblyweebles · 10/01/2014 00:18

If he wins this week will be carry on next week? Gamble the £1000 for £2000?

Bogeyface · 10/01/2014 00:38

However, there is no sign at all that the OP's DH is some how addicted because he's wasted a whole £10 of his money on a bet.

I didnt say he was, but this is how it starts. Do you think that all gambling addicts start with blowing the mortgage money on one race? No. They build it up on the back of some losses but then some wins so they feel that they are up on the deal. It is insidious.

As Wobbly says, this week he won, so next week he will do it again and then he may lose. What if he loses? He may bet his £20 in order to win the original £10 back. And then he loses. But thats ok because he has £1000 in his "win bank" to play with, and so it goes on.

Anyone who thinks this is ok has not seen the cost of gambling addiction and how easy it is to get drawn into. And the worst thing? Its legal, the government love it because of the tax they get from it, so they pass legislation that allows people to spunk their money on it. And then you have families that are homeless and penniless because of the addiction and guess what? They are then on their own, with rising rent costs, the bedroom tax, cut backs on benefits...its all linked in.

Anyone who thinks that this is just a £10 bet if a fucking fool. If not the OP's DH then someone elses.

MoominsYonisAreScary · 10/01/2014 00:45

I hope he wins, I do see your point though

WetDogLovesHubert · 10/01/2014 07:47

Still no update OP? Sad

2rebecca · 10/01/2014 07:57

Why not just gamble half of it? OK too late now as the bet is done but I don't understand why he had to put all his money on this particular bet not just part of it, that's the bit that sounds like a scam. usually its up to the punter how much they bet when.
I would worry if my husband regularly gambled, even if only small amounts as I'd be concerned it would escalate, but then again my grandparents bet weekly on the horses all their married life, and it was probably an equivalent amount and it never escalated with them so some people obviously can gamble safely like some people drink alcohol safely. You just have to watch for it escalating and him becoming obsessed by it.

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