MN Ok, I wanted to reply properly and this is first chance I've had. Lots of interesting views and advice and esp interesting to get GO's views too.
On DH's view - initially when DS was tiny he thought I was exaggerating but then saw some of MIL's at times 'suffocating' / know it all approach himself and he does now acknowledge that MIL can be a bit much and says I should tell her if she's interfering or being too much, but, as I said, he's at work for most of her visit time. He does always say though that she should fit around what we / me and DS have planned when she visits. I do feel that I can't just take DS out and about without her when she's travelled especially to visit him though. Usually I'll take her to any classes or playgroups with us.
On the BF dream, I do maintain it's odd. Wherever you stand on dreams (reflection of subconscious or just random sleeping thoughts), why mention it? I find it creepy and, on reflection, insensitive as I had a mountain of probs BFing DS (stuck with it for some reason though!), as MIL well knows. She on the other hand breast fed all three of hers til at least a year old with no problems.
Which brings me to another point. I'm in my mid 30s and DS took a long while to conceive. We needed assisted conception in the end. MIL knows this. I also work part time. MIL conceived her three with no problems and was a SAHM til the youngest was in school. So maybe I feel that she doesn't appreciate that as much as she wants to see DS as much as possible (and as nice and desirable that is - I DO want her involved), visiting quite as often as she does is more than I'm comfortable with. both in terms of having a house guest for two or three nights once a month or less, and in terms of 'sharing' the time that DH and I get with DS. The extent to which she still 'babies' and spends loads of time with her younger son - now 30 - makes me wonder why she doesn't get this. We also have friends living in other parts of the country who have come to visit or go to see a few times a year which also needs factoring in.
Someone asked about other GC. now or soon. There are none and none in the offing. DH's siblings are both still single.
On Disney , I should say that it's an unusual choice for MIL who's pretty left wing and right on. DH hates Disney due to Walt's Nazi links but I tell him to relax a bit...! As some posters identified, it's the assumption that gets my goat. If the situation was reversed i.e. I announce mid-family meal that I've spoken to DS and we've decided that MIL WILL take him to Disney Paris when he's five that would surely be seen as manipulative and unreasonable...? She should ask DH and I before making plans, even if just in her head and yes, especially as DS gets older, not try to collude with him in this way.
As I said, she's always wanted to take DS away by herself whether out for walks or upstairs to his room. This was v annoying when I was BFing on demand a hungry young baby. Yes I wanted a break but my baby also needed me and I was surprised at her attitude a few times when I asked her to bring him back by a specific time for a feed. She was obviously irked which I found surprising, esp as she had BF herself. I also remember me telling me when I was pregnant how it used to really irritate her when her FIL used to refer to DH (her first born, as DS is mine...) as 'HIS' boy and take him from her to hold etc... I agree with other posters that time alone isn't necessary for bonding. Some is nice maybe but why can't time be spent together more?
The suggestion of shorter, more frequent stays is a good one, ideally combining with childcare on a day I work but it's not doable unfortunately as it takes MIL about 4 hrs to get to us on public transport. Would be quicker if she drove but she's a nervous driver and enjoys the train. Some friends have a similar arrangement to that suggested but their parents and ILs only live 1h/2h away.
MIL is helpful when stays. She doesn't cook -not her strength anyway - but will pop vacuum round, iron a few bits etc which is helpful. And I do use the time she's here to have some 'me' time which gives her the alone time with DS she craves.
My parents live 40 mins drive away. They see DS about once a week for an afternoon or couple of hours and usually I'm there all that time too. They are older than MIL but can still manage DS between them fine. About once a month they take him out for an afternoon and then babysit him at ours for DH and I to have a night out. They've not had DS overnight yet but have offered to do so when we're ready. A main difference is that I can tell them much more easily if they do something I'm not happy with etc. I love my parents dearly but there's no way that DH, DS and I could live with them, let alone with my ILs and I think that's normal! (Someone mentioned living with their parents or in laws...?!)
I think I'll have a chat with DH about boundaries re things like trips out and Disney and also about visit frequency and will try to have him around more when she's here. Then again, him taking annual leave for two days every month isn't possible either. We need to use annual leave for holidays etc.
I wish we could Skype with MIL but she's not really a technology person and we're not much better. Ipads all round for facetime is a bit of an expense too. Will investigate Skype and ipads though.
I do want MIL involved in DS's life - I lost one set of grandparents when I was still in infant school and the other set died before I was born - so I know what a luxury grandparents are. I just need MIL to back off a bit. Yes she won't be around forever but DS won't be little forever and I want to enjoy him as much as possible while he's young.