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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To actually be really hurt by this comment.

59 replies

fluffyduckie · 07/01/2014 20:07

One of the girls at work got engaged on Christmas Day - super pleased for her as she is lovely and they adore each other. Just really happy that they are happy if that makes sense.

One of the women in the office took it upon herself to point out that I am 3 years older than the one that got engaged and that I am still firmly on the shelf.

She has a habit of making digs and nasty comments and everyone either looks away or laughs along with her.

I am single and older and I would love to meet someone and get married but it just hasn't happened.

I don't know whether this is making me over sensitive and imagining that she knew this would be a weak spot for me or if she just made a comment not knowing that I really do not like being called a spinster!

OP posts:
HoratiaDrelincourt · 07/01/2014 20:07

What a cow she is.

Is the 19th century? Hmm

baggyb · 07/01/2014 20:09

Poor you. I'm sure the woman made a misguided "joke" and didn't intentionally mean to hurt you. Some people just think they can make personal comments...

mumaa · 07/01/2014 20:09

YANBU that is quite hurtful and downright rude!

SoBloodyFrustrated · 07/01/2014 20:10

Bitch, I have replied I would rather be on the shelf and single than be someone like you just to be married. (if she's married!)

MsLT · 07/01/2014 20:10

She's an idiot. People meet their partners/ husbands at all ages. You don't need to get married off at 18 anymore. Silly woman.

CaptainTripps · 07/01/2014 20:11

She is rude and unbelievably stupid. Keep her at arms length and don't engage with the silly cow again.

Original poster
fluffyduckie · 07/01/2014 20:11

She is divorced.

Everything I do seems to require a comment from her. Wore a skirt today and she pulled a face when I walked in and loudly asked why I was suddenly making an effort. And God help me if I eat a snack or even my lunch when she is about!

OP posts:
Kewcumber · 07/01/2014 20:11

Actually I think *Is this the 19th Century? Hmm" might well be the perfect response. Rush back tomorrow and say it...

TwatWeevil · 07/01/2014 20:12

For a minute there I thought I was reading something out of a Jane Austen novel!

She's a cow, OP. Ignore.

Mitchell2 · 07/01/2014 20:13

YANBU - You are not being over sensitive IMHO. What right does she have to judge anyway?

Although are in a position where getting married is something you would like to do, what if you were perfectly happy being single?

Either way her commenting is out of order if she wasn't asked for her observations even if she was trying to be light hearted/well meaning (which I am not sure was the case?)

Bluestocking · 07/01/2014 20:13

Oh dear. I wonder if this would have been a good moment to unleash your frostiest "did you mean to be so rude?". Don't think of yourself as "on the shelf", you could meet someone marvellous at any moment!

ImperialBlether · 07/01/2014 20:14

She's like a poster girl for 'better to have loved and lost than never to have loved before' isn't she?

Blithereens · 07/01/2014 20:14

Start responding to every single comment with, "Gosh, you're very interested in my life and choices! Is there not much going on for you at the moment?" /concerned head tilt

Mitchell2 · 07/01/2014 20:14

X Post - she sounds like a cow.

Ask her how tight her judgey pants are feeling today next time she makes a nasty comment or tell her to fuck off

Littlegreyauditor · 07/01/2014 20:16

Maybe she is threatened by you and wants to take you down a peg, maybe she is just a nasty bitch with an uncivil tongue. Easier said than done but try to block her out.

I had an aunt who went on like that. Her best effort was "yeah, well, what good are all those exams, no one will ever marry that". Then I met DH, got married, had child. She has not spoken to me or my parents since. I find I can cope admirably with the deprivation.

You must make her feel powerless in some way OP and she is trying to claw it back. I have posted this before:
www.cracked.com/blog/5-ways-youre-accidentally-making-everyone-hate-you/

It explained a lot about some frankly baffling behaviour I have encountered in the past. You just need to figure out what you do that annoys her (and then do it as often as you can Grin)

Shakey1500 · 07/01/2014 20:16

I'd make a point of using a variety of MN phrases...

"Did you mean to be so insensitive/rude/bitchy/judgemental...?"

Then leave a whacking great pause whilst staring at her expectantly for an answer Grin

CaptainTripps · 07/01/2014 20:17

Don't let her see you are bothered. This is what she is craving.

Play the insouciant, laughing and incredulous gal about town - and look at her with pity. Say you are not interested in her views because, not to be rude dear colleague, you don't seem to have much going on for you right now.

You have to tell her.

And please come back and update. I always want to know the follow up!

SoleSource · 07/01/2014 20:18

Pointing out your so called' weak spots' (according to bitch) means she is unhappy within herself and is jealous of you.

Just smile and feel smug you do not need to stoop to her level and quietly know that she is a thick cunt not worthy of your time. Tell her nothing about your lie.

I hate people that do this and disguise it as humour. Stupid cunt it is.

Trailer trash!

PoppyFleur · 07/01/2014 20:19

Unbelievably rude comment and I would feel very hurt too. Ignore OP, she is a person to avoid at all costs.

MsLT · 07/01/2014 20:19

Some replies to use in the future:
"Are you trying yo imply I've been left on the shelf?" Hmm
"No point rushing in and ending up divorced" (ouch)

With regard to comments on your appearance:
"I quite like nice clothes don't you? You should treat yourself sometime"

Turquoisetamborine · 07/01/2014 20:19

Do you work in my office?

I've learned that bitches like her pick on those who they perceive as weaker than them.

I had a woman at my office comment on my weight, what I eat, all sorts of digs which i initially ignored.

A couple of weeks ago I basically told her to fuck off and stop commenting on everything I did. The room went very quiet but she hasn't spoken to me since except for work related stuff which i am happy to deal with.

You need to put bullies in their place. She will continue to try it on unless you strongly word a reply to her which spells out her comments are unacceptable.

SoleSource · 07/01/2014 20:19

*life not lie

SlightlyDampWellies · 07/01/2014 20:19

I am hopeless in responding to things like this, but I used to have a colleague who did things like this. Once she said something (I cannot recall what) and my immediate natural response was to laugh incredulously and say 'Oh good heavens!'.

That wrong footed her completely and made my feelings known without me having to actually respond to her.

Mind you, she then started giving out that I was a two faced bitch.

Happy days.

bumbumsmummy · 07/01/2014 20:22

Bless you tell her your clandestine shenanigans of raunchy weekenders its getting in the way of a permanent relationship

She's a jealous mean bitch n a bully ignore her and rise above it

MeepMeepVrooooom · 07/01/2014 20:29

She's a bitch by the sounds of things. Ignore her. retaliate with a witty comment of your own that'll hit her where it hurts