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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think its a big fat lie that parenting gets easier as your dc get older?

88 replies

sparklysilversequins · 07/01/2014 17:13

My dc are 10 and 7 and tbh it's harder now than it ever was when they were babies! I am as tired now at the end of the day as I was when they were five months old and not sleeping.

Admittedly I am a lone parent but while they are awake I rarely sit down. School run, activities, play dates, keeping entertained at the weekend and after school, dog walking, housework, general admin, OU degree.

It doesn't get easier at all, everyone fibbed, I look in the mirror and I look ancient and stressed all the time. Don't get me wrong I adore my kids and wouldn't change anything, it's just such hard work and not what I had been led to believe!

OP posts:
derektheladyhamster · 07/01/2014 17:14

I found that age really easy. Sorry! But I don't have a dog and wasn't doing an OU degree Grin

ilikebaking · 07/01/2014 17:15

Oh no!
Mine is 5 weeks and I was banking on it getting easier!

Normalisavariantofcrazy · 07/01/2014 17:15

I agree OP YANBU

jungletoes · 07/01/2014 17:16

Mine are 13 and 10 and I don't think it ever gets easier, just different challenges. My particular challenge at the moment is not throttling two stroppy girls who give me loads of back-chat.

cory · 07/01/2014 17:18

hang on in there- could be the darkest before dawn bit

in 4 years time:

you won't have to do the school run

you will not be required to arrange play dates or have anything to do with them except hover discreetly in the background

they can lend a hand with housework

they can walk the dog

they won't want entertaining at the weekend

and you will have finished your degree Smile

Amaris · 07/01/2014 17:20

Yes I agree, I even gave up an almost full time job to be self employed to spend time with DD who's 10 - I'm a LP too and found that she had much more need for me to be there for various arrangements or to talk to her rather than someone else. Easier in other ways though, I do get more time to myself whilst she's chatting on her phone with her friends!

Original poster
sparklysilversequins · 07/01/2014 17:20

There's a tiny little flicker of light there for me to grasp onto cory Smile

OP posts:
statisticsthicko · 07/01/2014 17:20

I think it depends on several things - the context you are in, the personalities of your dc and your own personality. Some people (me!) find parenting hard at every age! I think being laid back probably helps. I'm always a bit sceptical of people who proclaim such and such an age is the 'easiest' age because its just anecdotal based on their own experience!

wineoclocktimeyet · 07/01/2014 17:21

I totally agree Sparkly when they were little I thought it can only get easier, but now I realise that as they grow and mature I find dealing with their emotional needs so much harder.

At least when they're little as long as you cuddle them, dont drop them, feed them and change them, you're doing ok, now with their worries about friends, fitting in, girls, growing up, school, changes to their bodies..... arhhhh I feel unless I get it right now, I am going to screw them up forever

PS At least the sleep deprivation gets better Smile

tilliebob · 07/01/2014 17:26

It gets different - when they are little you know what they are doing, with who, what they are eating, what they are wearing - because you picked it and put them in it, etc etc..

Now my eldest two are 12 and 14 we're dealing with or talking about sexting, flirting, periods, underage drinking, teens being thoughtless and going AWOL Confused amongst other things. They often go to sleep long after I do (my health means I pass out early, DH is the night owl). DS1 is now taller than me with size 9 feet, and I thank God that he's an easygoing biddable child, because I don't know what I'd do if he was standing to me and defying me!!

I wish I could go back to Bob the Builder, cbeebies and arranged play dates! Wink However, my older kids are good fun with great senses of humour and I love the young adults they are becoming.

tilliebob · 07/01/2014 17:27

Standing *UP to me...ruddy iPad!!

Amaris · 07/01/2014 17:28

And I also think it will be such a short time until she's left home I want to be there for her whilst I can, but it's still hard fitting things in, especially when there's only one of you and you have to deal with all the crises on your own whatever else is going on (friendship, forgotten homework, lost PE kit, hair issues...).

purrforagoodkip · 07/01/2014 17:35

Seven month old non-sleeper here. Stop saying it doesn't get easier, I know it does. This is some kind of cruel wind up, isn't it? If it didn't get easier, people would stop at one. Right? I need some straws to clutch...

sherazade · 07/01/2014 17:36

If the playdates and entertainment is wearing you down that much then i'd cut them out. They aren't a necessary part of childhood. Hope it gets better .

MrsBennetsEldest · 07/01/2014 17:37

It doesn't get easier, you just get longer to think about things as they get older.

jenniferlawrence · 07/01/2014 17:38

It's the fighting and bickering between my 9 and 11 year-old stepsons that does my head in. And all the cooking and washing. They eat tonnes and go through lots of clothes and kit. From Wednesday to Sunday they have football training, music lessons and football matches each day so my husband spends a lot of time driving them around.

Our 2 year-old is easier.

CaptainSweatPants · 07/01/2014 17:40

You have to lower your standards
On the days I don't work I get btw 9-3pm of me time
& when they're in bed :)
But then I'm not studying & don't go crazy with the housework Grin

AngryFeet · 07/01/2014 17:41

I find it much easier now and have done since they bothstarted school. I struggled with 2 under 5 though. Now they get up in the morning and happily go and play together and even get their own breakfast so we can lie in. They get themselves dressed. They entertain each other for hours. They dont have tantrums. They use the toilet. They sleep 10 or 11 hours a night. Ok so they fight a bit and get on my nerves but I would never go back to the preschool years. 10 times harder imo.

comingintomyown · 07/01/2014 17:42

I found it easy until the last couple of years and the last year has been without doubt the hardest and most stressful . My DC are 17 and 14.

CaptainSweatPants · 07/01/2014 17:43

Mine only have a 'playdate' once every half term & once in the holidays
I don't want other people's kids here every other evening
The homework is my main bugbear
Nagging them to do it

FortyFacedFuckers · 07/01/2014 17:43

I have an 11 & 8 year old and find it much harder than a 3 year old and a baby, the constant bickering, the constant worry of how much freedom to give them, school runs, sport activities etc.

poisonedbypen · 07/01/2014 17:45

Teenage years are the hardest , I think. You can't make it all better for them. I long for the days of play doh, play dates, jigsaws & parks :(.

MrsLettuce · 07/01/2014 17:47

Hindsight is a wonderful thing. I'd blanked out the worst of the DC1's baby days by the time DC2 turned and that was only 18 months later.

I don't believe for a moment that any of us can truly remember it as it was. Things change and children grow but the baby days are unique in their sheer intensity, I feel.

SaucyJack · 07/01/2014 17:51

Agree it doesn't get easier, but just different.

Less physical, but far more complicated.

I miss the days when you could just go through the "food, clean nappy, sleep,repeat" until they stopped crying.

OpalMoonstone · 07/01/2014 17:51

Mine are 6 and 9 and I find this age much easier than babies and toddlers