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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think its a big fat lie that parenting gets easier as your dc get older?

88 replies

sparklysilversequins · 07/01/2014 17:13

My dc are 10 and 7 and tbh it's harder now than it ever was when they were babies! I am as tired now at the end of the day as I was when they were five months old and not sleeping.

Admittedly I am a lone parent but while they are awake I rarely sit down. School run, activities, play dates, keeping entertained at the weekend and after school, dog walking, housework, general admin, OU degree.

It doesn't get easier at all, everyone fibbed, I look in the mirror and I look ancient and stressed all the time. Don't get me wrong I adore my kids and wouldn't change anything, it's just such hard work and not what I had been led to believe!

OP posts:

iismum · 07/01/2014 17:52

I was so relieved when mine were both in school and looked forward to enjoying my easy life. But I find myself more exhausted, stressed out and overwhelmed than ever. I always felt if I could keep my job going somehow during the toddler years then I would be able to focus on it properly when they were in school. But I feel more than ever on the verge of it all falling apart. Gahh!

LastingLight · 07/01/2014 17:56

Every stage has it's own challenges... and rewards (sometimes). You have a LOT on your plate. Make sure the girls pull their weight in terms of house work, and don't feel obliged to entertain them all the time. They're old enough to do that for themselves and if they don't know how, now is a good time to learn.

Bodypopper · 07/01/2014 17:59

Ah sparkly agree it is physically hard actually doing the school run and after activities. Trouble is too they arnt babies to be out to bed at 7 for some me time either, and the homework!!!

Also you are a lone parent and doing a degree so all added stress.

In the blink if an eye they will be out with mates and all you will get is 'can I have a lift?' And 'can I have a tenner?'

Sorry but they get trickier and you worry far more about them and they get much more expensive as they get older.. Wait for uni fees!! Eeek.

Bodypopper · 07/01/2014 18:01

Mine are now 24,23,15,14 and I worry far far more about them now than I ever did as babies. Far more stressful.

HappyMummyOfOne · 07/01/2014 18:11

I think its far easier as they get older, the school run is not exactly taxing but will admit play dates and activities can take up a lot of free time if you work.

notso · 07/01/2014 18:19

I have a 13 year old, 9 year old, 3 year old and a 21 month old.

I am a husk where once there was a human.

whatever5 · 07/01/2014 18:19

I found it far easier when they were 7 and 10 than I did when they were babies. I suppose it depends on how easy your children are/were as babies.

MorrisZapp · 07/01/2014 18:21

Of course it gets easier as they get older. Mine is only three, but he's already loads easier than a baby, or a two year old.

My teenaged niece is positively helpful - when she visits, she lightens my load and is a pleasure to have around.

I get that the emotional worries are more complex etc, but I think people who say its harder when they're older have just forgotten how intense each minute of each day was when they were very small.

My DS actively wants to hurt himself with eg knives, busy roads etc and I have to physically wrestle him to stop him from doing so. If he is silent for more than ten minutes I think oh shit, and run through to check he's ok!

When he's in my company he's jumping on my head or waving books in my face demanding my attention. He can't get himself a biscuit or a drink yet. Or put his own trousers on.

Starballbunny · 07/01/2014 18:22

Mine are 12&15, I still just cuddle them.

And it's massively easier having DDcs over 7 than under as they can do most things themselves.

I hate the doing up shoes, putting on coats, brushing hair, while they object age of 2-5 and children that age are so boring to talk to. I could never be a CM or a nursery nurse.

Hardest work of all, DD1 between 14 months and 3y, because she wanted to climb anything that could be climbed and fiddle with anything she could get her hands on, well as long as it wasn't toys. She had no interests at all in age appropriate toys, just keys, remotes, ornaments, CDs, books and especially pens. Not her crayons, no, your pen and the pile of invitations you have just printed for a works party.

No I much prefer older DDs

wobblyweebles · 07/01/2014 18:22

I do love the 10 and 7 stage, but the bickering. Will. Kill. Me.

JohnnyBarthes · 07/01/2014 18:59

I would say that 7-10 was easier than having a baby or toddler (other than juggling work and all that) but I only have one child. On the one hand two+ children might keep each other company and there are other plus points, but at least a singleton is unlikely to bicker with itself!

Morris you say your niece is helpful when she visits - what's she like at her own home?

Starballbunny · 07/01/2014 19:06

Mine are forbidden from bickering, they got so used to "separate rooms, Now!" They did it themselves.

We live in the middle of nowhere, so it's get on or be lonely. A bit drastic, but effective.

BackforGood · 07/01/2014 19:10

I have to agree with the saying, and not the OP.
The older they are, the better it gets from where I'm sitting.
I didn't do well without sleep.
Now, I can have a lie in and still be up for hours before my older 2.

YouStayClassySanDiego · 07/01/2014 19:12

It depends on what you consider 'difficult and stressful'

With hindsight, stroppy toddler behaviour and pre- teen misery based angst pales into insignificance when you have to deal with big free thinking teens and further on.

They argue well and negotiate back, choose not to come home if they wish and think they know EVERYTHING even though we are older and have already done it.

Loved all of it and still do.

dontcallmemam · 07/01/2014 19:12

Mine are 14 and 16. Teenage years are challenging, the fights & bickering are so boring but nothing compares to the utter exhaustion of those first new born months. I was utterly the most knackered I've ever been, for months.

WhenSheWasBadSheWasExhausted · 07/01/2014 19:13

It gets harder as they get older?

Oh fuck am I in trouble, am finding the toddler stage particularly trying at the moment. I was hoping for a few pleasant years between age 5 to 12 when life might get a bit easier.

SpottyDottie · 07/01/2014 19:17

In a few months time, I won't have to do the school run ever again and I am already counting down the days. I agree that it doesn't get 'better' particularly, just 'different'.

You do have a lot on your plate though sparkly. I admire you doing your OU course. what are you studying?

notnowbernard · 07/01/2014 19:18

Yes harder as they get older

Endless activities/friends for tea/clubs

More to worry about (school, friendships, emotional development)

Not that I don't enjoy it, there's just more to juggle and negotiate

I found the baby bit easy. Got harder from about 3 for me

FloozeyLoozey · 07/01/2014 19:20

I'm a lone parent and it's tons easier too. I used to extremely isolated when DS was a baby and he was really hard work as a toddler, I used to feel at the point of breaking. Now he's lovely, we can have proper conversations, we can do things I enjoy too like going to the cinema and eating out. No pooey nappies or endless feeds.

LiegeAndLief · 07/01/2014 19:22

Mine are 4 and 7 and it is way way easier than when the little one was a baby/toddler. No more nappies! They can tell you what's wrong, I can trust them to follow simple instructions, they can be actively helpful at times, they can both stand and walk by themselves, it's just so much less physically relentless...

I am expecting it to get harder when they are teenagers, but in different ways.

verytellytubby · 07/01/2014 19:27

DD is 11 and DT's are 8. I find it easier in terms of their independence; they play happily together for hours. We get lie in's so that's not an issue anymore. Still bloody knackering though. Noisy house.

madhairday · 07/01/2014 19:31

I think it gets easier physically and more difficult mentally.

Mine are 13 and 10. I haven't forgotten the utter exhaustion of the baby and toddler stages - my DBro has a 5 yr old, 2 yr old and newborn so I am frequently reminded and although I loved it would no way want to go back. Now it is easier in that they can do it all for themselves, and help out round the house. But the worry, the arguments, the backchat, the attitude, the friend problems, the need for endless money, the clubs, 'play'dates, 'sleep'overs, then with the older one talks about internet safety, sex, drugs etc etc, - it's all very wearing I think mentally and emotionally, and can only imagine this escalates as they get older.

But I wouldn't change it for the world.

PoshPenny · 07/01/2014 19:32

OP. Learn to say NO sometimes.

Bodypopper · 07/01/2014 19:44

morris my 2 teen dds are positively delightful with their aunty too. Littie bit trickier at home with us.

Unless your babies can drive, drink, get pregnant, go on a gap year etc it's easier when they are little

Physically harder with littlies, mentally harder with older ones.

Why do we do it? .

LillianGish · 07/01/2014 19:47

It is more physically tiring when they are babies/toddlers, but in hindsight it is easier because you are in control - what you say goes. As they gain independence you become more at their beck and call - taking them around to activities, organising sleepovers etc. You long for them to be able to go out on their own, but once they do you are worrying about what they are up to! My sil says "Small children small problems, big children big problems". Actually reading back that post it sounds like I hate being a parent - which couldn't be further from the truth. I love every stage in its own way (though I've yet to hit the full-blown teenage years!), but I don't think it is particularly easy- nor likely to get easier.

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