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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask about pocket money or is it too nosey?

84 replies

Madambossyboots · 04/01/2014 15:46

I probably should have sorted this out before However part of me doesn't like the giving of pocket money because
A) in the past all money went on choc & sweets. Waste of money IMO.
B) money gets lost around the house, or dropped when we are out, I end paying double to replace, or look like an arse when I say tough luck at the tills when said money is missing
C) money is used to buy school lunch when I have provided lunch already
D) lend money to friends who don't pay back
E) dc see something they want when out without their money and "borrow" but never see said money because I feel mean taking £1 or I forget.
I have five dc baby won't be getting money so no problem. I have:-
Dd-14
Ds-12.5
Ds has pet dragon but wants to keep buying it things. Unnecessary things I feel, even the food is becoming an issue. He wants to feed it "the best" and it is not cheap.
I think pocket money will help him and end my frustration. I don't begrudge him his much loved pet.
I buy also pay their mobile contracts and give money if they go out to meet friends albeit not often.
Other dd are 7 & 5 they don't need money.... I don't feel .... Reason A
Anyways any ideas, would be graciously read and thought about.

OP posts:
OodlesofOods · 04/01/2014 20:36

So a question for all you who give pocket money - do you control what they spend it on at all? i.e. do you have veto if it's something inappropriate (say your daughter is buying short short skirts and low cut tops etc)?
Something unsuitable might not be allowed to be used /worn and therefore they'd learn it was a waste. I would also discuss forst

If you give the money regardless of behaviour, don't you think this makes them think that they're "entitled" to it?
they have certain tasks to do to be entitled to it, I will cancel it if they don't do those

If you do give regardless of behaviour, what punishments do you use instead of withholding pocket money?
witholding iPod/grounding

At what age will you stop giving pocket money? For example they're legally able to work at 16, wouldn't stopping pocket money (or cutting it down) and having them get a job be a better idea of learning "you earn it"?
as long as they are in school they would be supplementing pocket money

Tinks42 · 04/01/2014 20:46

DS 16 today (weep weep), he's going to leave me soon.

I give 15 a week straight into his bank account. It's not related to chores and I don't tell him what to buy. Ive never grounded him etc. either or threatened to take anything away. I also give him other money on an adhoc basis.

I personally tell him he makes his own choices in life and praise him for the right ones. He gets far more upset about me being disappointed in his behaviour than anything else.

It works for me.

Tinks42 · 04/01/2014 20:49

To me "punishment" smacks of control and have never used it.

cece · 04/01/2014 20:57

I let my DC spend it on what they like, within reason. DD however, is pretty sensible and saves her and buys larger more expensive items that I approve of.

The problem will be when DS1 gets to the age where I start giving him pocket money. He fritters it all away as soon as possible. Sigh. He once spent his whole £5 holiday money on pick and mix sweets. He then ate the whole lot in one go. He felt sick as a dog though and has never suggested it again so perhaps he learnt a lesson Wink

Original poster
Madambossyboots · 04/01/2014 21:39

Tink .... IMO children need to learn consequences for their actions, good or bad, if they do something unacceptable or something that they have been asked not to do, punishing them is not controlling them. It is teaching them, do what is expected and the consequences are positive. Equally do something unacceptable the consequences are going to be negative.

Happy birthday to your son .

OP posts:
Jinty64 · 04/01/2014 22:01

Tinks42 ds1 (18) has just drifted down looking for something else to eat and doesn't look like he's planning on leaving us any time soon. I wouldn't worry. Happy Birthday to your boy.

I don't control what they spend their money on and don't withhold it as punishment but I don't really have to, they do as they are told asked.

dobedobedo · 04/01/2014 22:02

Ds (9 this month) doesn't get pocket money yet, but he does earn money occasionally. For example if he has a test in school and he does particularly well, I'll give him a fiver. He never spends his money on stuff like sweets or magazines, he always saves it for something he really wants. It took him almost a year to buy a nexus (with birthday and Christmas money too).
Earlier today he said he'd like to earn more money for some specific items so we said he could do weekly chores to earn it. Proper chores, like hoovering the stairs or washing dishes! (He already tidies his room or the living room and sorts his laundry for nowt)
I don't think £5 a week is too much, not if they're not spending it on crap. I do think it should be a qualified thing though. If they misbehave or don't earn it, I don't think giving it to them is teaching a very good lesson.

Tinks42 · 04/01/2014 23:22

Im with jinty64 and I don't have to either, I just parent my way and it's worked for us.

LadyPenny · 04/01/2014 23:42

DS 13 £10.00 a week
DD 13 £10.00 a week
DD 10 £5.00 a week
DS 8 £3.00 a week
DD 6 £3.00 a week

They all do chores, washing up and clearing kitchen after meals, feeding animals, keeping their rooms tidy. They make breakfast and bring dh and I a cuppa in bed at the weekend. The elder two will walk the younger ones to after school clubs if I need them to.

The two eldest will go into town at the weekend and potter around. The younger three tend to save theirs and buy something big when they want to. They all have to save towards holiday spending money. They also buy small gifts for family at Christmas.

I think it teaches them the value of money and essential budgeting skills.

Lilacroses · 04/01/2014 23:49

We've tried a few different things. We've settled on giving Dd (11) £12 per month into her bank account for which she has just got a cashpoint card. We also pay for her phone. We were going to tie it to chores but decided not to because then it seemed like she could "choose" to do chores whereas we felt she ought to do them as part of being part of the family and getting into good habits likewise for homework and violin practise.

I always wanted to give my Dd some level of pocket money because I never had any as a child and felt a bit lost at Christmas and times like that as I had no means to buy anything for anyone or to get a comic or whatever.

Lilacroses · 04/01/2014 23:52

I should add that she often gets money from a grandparent or other relative so never seems broke!

starlight1234 · 05/01/2014 00:02

What age did people start pocket money at..My DS is 6 and does not receive pocket money...

I really can't see what he would want it for..I buy everything for him...

He does have a bank account when we sold a lot of his old toys at car boot to pay for a holiday of fun days out ( not all cost anything ) the money left over went into his bank...

I do tell him we can't buy things , they are too expensive so he understands you can't have everything you want right now. He still has sweets from trick and treating never mind Christmas..

The only child I know has pocket money in his year ( though sure there are more) it seems to cause an anxiety that he needs to spend it

SpocksThirdEar · 05/01/2014 00:03

DS1, 14, gets £20 a month. I've only started this month, so I've yet to see how he spends it. Probably on books or games. I've told him if he wants money for snacks after school then it comes out of this money. Crappy chocolate will probably be bought.

The rest (age 11, 9 & 6) will get £10 per month.

DS1 has a bank account, though can't remember his PIN, and I need to set up accounts for the others.

Lilacroses · 05/01/2014 00:22

I think we started giving Dd a pound at about aged 7 Starlight. It was just so she could sort of get used to the idea of having a bit of money to herself, not that she needed much of course.

Lilacroses · 05/01/2014 00:22

And yes, she did used to fret about having to spend it so we sort of phased it out and didn't do it again till fairly recently!

BackforGood · 05/01/2014 00:29

starlight , mine started getting it once they were in Junior school, so 7yrs old. Around about the time when they can have some concept of additional and subtraction and 'how much would I have to save every week to afford x' or, 'if I buy y, then what will I have left' etc.

WorrySighWorrySigh · 05/01/2014 01:12

For my DCs pocket money has always been something paid into their bank accounts. They have never been given regular amounts of cash.

IME dont be surprised if it all goes wrong a couple of times with all the money blown on something silly. Use this as a lesson learned. Dont make up the money or repay any money mis-spent. This is part of the lesson learnt.

Crotchstitch · 05/01/2014 01:14

DS(9) gets £3 a week but will not get it if he has had a bad attitude. We expect daily music practise (2 instruments) reading aloud, spellings and homework when applicable, tidy room, other chores as and when asked and a generally pleasant attitude (he will always do these things, it's more the lack of good grace about it that's a problem)
He is allowed to spend it on what he likes, though I hate trashy sweets and magazines so it pains me to allow it. We pay for music tuition and equipment, sports clubs and kit and all clothes and school stuff. He now has to pay for any losses as he is the worlds most disorganised child and has cost us a fortune in replacing missing items. Sadly this has had minimal effect so far Hmm

yetanotherstatistic · 05/01/2014 01:24

Started at 4 with dd. Very quickly stopped the pestering for magazines when she had to buy them herself - the plastic tat lost its allure almost immediately.

She gets 50p per year of her age a week. This is split so that 10% goes into a pot for charity (her choice who to give it to), 30% goes into her savings and the remaining 60% is for her to do what she likes with.

When she is a teenager I plan to give her the child benefit money which will then cover non school clothes, going out and phone with the same 10/30/60 split.

yetanotherstatistic · 05/01/2014 01:32

Should say there are a number of chores she is expected to do in return for the pm. If she helps out with additional things or does well at something I give her some extra. Not doing the chores would mean me witholding some or all of the money but haven't needed to so far.

I think it's really important to get into good habits with money from an early age so it becomes ingrained. Her father's side of the family are all financially incontinent and I don't want that for dd.

southerngirl25599 · 05/01/2014 02:26

DD, 14 gets $20 (£10) per week put into her bank account and she has a debit card. With this money she has to pay for all her non uniform cloths, her trips out with friends (going to the movies, ice skating ect), lollies, magazines and any toiletries/make-up. I pay for her phone, sports, sports uniform and stationary.

She helps out around the house when asked, plus she does babysitting for a friend for nothing. She usually pretty good with her money, her card has only declined once. Though she hasn't spent much recently as she's saving for an iPhone. This is has been happening since the start of Intermediate

ellietrying · 05/01/2014 16:37

I like the idea of saving some and having some you are allowed to spend. DD is 6 (7 in march) and on a semi-regular basis will get £2.50. This is usually for trying hard at school or being extra good at home (she has always been very helpful at home and is happy to do little jobs for me etc). I am planning to give her this money on a regular basis. I would then be stricter about what that money covered (any sweets/magazines/extra toys etc). That wouldn't be such a bad thing. She doesn't need anything so would stop me having to say no as she could save her money to buy things.

Joysmum · 05/01/2014 16:53

DD is in first year of senior and just started getting £6 per week paid into her bank account. It's based in all her chores being done and is seen as a wage, rather than pocket money. If ALL the chores aren't done done, NONE of the money is paid. We also have an agreement where saved money attracts a bonus payment and we add half the amount she saved into her account. We wanted to teach deferred enjoyment, encourage saving, budgeting skills, the value of money, the concept of reward for work.

Up until this school year, she'd ask for money if she wanted to go out. I feel that in our case we were right to delay formal regular weekly amounts until senior school.

GlitzAndGiggles · 06/01/2014 11:20

Bloody hell you lot are generous I got £8 a month off my nan up until age 12 then it stopped. My parents never gave me a penny sobs

TantrumsStoleSantasBalloons · 06/01/2014 11:49

dd-15 gets £50 a month into her account
ds1-14 gets £50 a month into his account
ds2 10 gets £5 a week in his hand

It is not connected to chores, because they do those because they do those because we all live in the house, not because they get paid for it

I also pay for their phone contracts and £25 a month also gets paid into their savings accounts which they cannot touch.

Ds2 spends half of his on sweets/comics and puts the other half in his money box
DD spends her going out with friends, lip gloss, plastic earings, and starbucks hot chocolate. She is always skint at the end of the month.

DS1 takes £20 out of the cashpoint at the beginning of the month and that is his budget for the month. Anything left over goes in his jar and he saves the other £20 until he has enough to buy ridiculously expensive clothes and trainers.