To ask about pocket money or is it too nosey?

[Madambossyboots]

I probably should have sorted this out before However part of me doesn't like the giving of pocket money because
A) in the past all money went on choc & sweets. Waste of money IMO.
B) money gets lost around the house, or dropped when we are out, I end paying double to replace, or look like an arse when I say tough luck at the tills when said money is missing
C) money is used to buy school lunch when I have provided lunch already
D) lend money to friends who don't pay back
E) dc see something they want when out without their money and "borrow" but never see said money because I feel mean taking £1 or I forget.
I have five dc baby won't be getting money so no problem. I have:-
Dd-14
Ds-12.5
Ds has pet dragon but wants to keep buying it things. Unnecessary things I feel, even the food is becoming an issue. He wants to feed it "the best" and it is not cheap.
I think pocket money will help him and end my frustration. I don't begrudge him his much loved pet.
I buy also pay their mobile contracts and give money if they go out to meet friends albeit not often.
Other dd are 7 & 5 they don't need money.... I don't feel .... Reason A
Anyways any ideas, would be graciously read and thought about.

Reading these I think we probably do give DD 13 a bit much pocket money. From age 10 we used to just transfer the Child Benefit into her account (prior to that it went into an ISA for her) but when we stopped getting Child Benefit we just started transferring £100 per month.
She has just turned 13 and we now pay £120 per month into her account and we also pay her phone contract and gym membership, everything else she pays herself from her pocket money- ice skating, cinema, magazines, school lunches (she gets a packed lunch every day but if she wants a pay lunch she pays out of her own money -she does this once or twice a month when there is pizza on the menu usually ) and other frivolities. She has been told she needs to buy birthday gifts for her friends from this money also (if she is going to a party etc).
We buy her clothes but if she will buy the odd bit when she is shopping with friends.
What I will say though is that she is very good at managing he money and has a healthy balance and never asks for anything.

Ds's 1&2 (16 & 18) get £20 a week and ds3 (7) gets £5. I pay ds1's phone contract but that was his 18th birthday present. They each get £10 a week for their lunches if they need more than that they pay it themselves.

I buy almost all their clothes. Most of their friends get EMA at £30 a week but we don't qualify.

Mine get a pound a month for each year of their age

Until they start senior school it is paid into their bank account, when they start senior school they get it in cash

It is not tied to jobs or behaviour (they are generally very good so it's not been an issue)

We buy sweets, the occasional comic, clothes, books etc

If they had a long term commitment then I would probably expect them to pay/contribute

In respect of the dragon could you pay a reasonable amount and get them to pay the rest, especially if it likes the good things in life

Would def recommend paying PM monthly into bank account . From age 11 DC can have a debit card. It worked like a dream for Ds. Not having cash in hand made him consider purchases rather than spending on crap .

Considering pocket money in this house too. Never done it before because a)they would just buy sweets b) bit tight money wise ourselves c)never sure how much is appropriate. Ds1 is 14 and if he wants to go out with mates to town or cinema etc I will give him enough to buy his ticket, drink etc. Ds2 and 3 are not old enough to do that kind of thing yet.

We buy all their clothes, toiletries, phone contract/top ups, football stuff, clubs, school trips, school supplies etc. But I completely understand the need for them to learn to manage money. I got a monthly allowance as a teenager and blew it all on the first weekend every month!

Need to look into a teen bank account I think.

Thanks for your replies. I'm new here so not seen any other thread, sorry to repeat.

Lloyd - will look up the app you mention
Oodles - finders keepers, no money no buy - haha I like that
I think bank account sounds best
Flora - agree budget for dragon

The dragon is 12 inches, not too bad when the one he first asked for was 62cm... No way was my response.

All children help out around the house, keep rooms tidy, help clear away after dinner, etc .
Think I' better to pay up

HappyMummyOfOne DS gets less because he doesnt buy any of his own clothes or toiletries. At the moment he just isnt interested so if we gave him a clothes allowance then either he would spend it on xbox games or it would go unspent and he would wear rags!

On the other hand he belongs to Army cadets which requires a fair amount of kit. The Army provides a fair bit but we have to provide boots etc so we pay for this.

With three it is difficult to work out what is fair. On the face of it DD2 is probably worst off as she gets only £20/month more than DS yet has to buy all her non-school clothes. On the other hand she gets a lot of clothes handed on to her from her older sister.

Oops sent too soon
As seems it's the best way to budget all the extras they ask for.

But the dragon, tell us about the dragon!

Ds is 4 and gets £3 a week. Sometimes a bit more. It's tied to him doing his reading everyday. Some people might not approve but tbh it is the only way we can get him to practice!

I don't think it's much anyway, it's a comic and a bag of sweets at most. Often he says he wants something and I say 'ok, you can but it then' and more often than not he then decides he doesn't want it.
He's saving at the moment for a dinosaur excavation set.

I am amazed at the 7 year old getting £5 a week!
I have DS1 almost 9 (has special needs and cannot work with money so...) and DS2 almost 7.
I don't give ds2 any pocket money. He is expected to tidy his room, because that is what he should do and shouldn't get paid for it.

I want him to learn that whatever money you get HAS to be earned, worked for. When he passed his violin grade 1 exam, he worked for it, so I gave him £5. I have told him that when he passes his violin grade 2 I will give him £10. If he does well at school, we go to the sweet shop and he gets to fill a large cup with any sweets he wants, it is a treat, I don't want him to buy them whenever he pleases.

When he gets to early teenage years I will need to reassess and decide what is the right thing to do (maybe pay him for cleaning the car?....

I think that having pocket money and not getting 'extras' does teach children to budget if they cant afford all the 'extras' they would want.

I always remember DS spending all his pocket money on a particular toy then realising it wasnt as good as he had hoped and he wished he had bought something different. He was absolutely heart-broken at the time.

That was 5 years ago and we still refer back to it when he starts saying he wants something.

Paying pocket money into the bank does add a bit of waiting to the wanting which is no bad thing in my opinion.

Mine (15 and 12) get very generous pocket money of £10 each a week from Granny. She is very elderly and wants to help in the only way she really can, and likes "to see them enjoying it".

It works well for us because, as they've both got so much, they spend their own money on anything extra that they want. So if we're out for the day and they want an ice-cream, or they want a particular game or item (dd2 wants to make videos and is saving for a camera), merchandise, etc., we never get pestered because if they can't afford it by themselves, they can't have it. (The merchandise rule also means that dd1 is increasingly buying her own clothes as well ). I do teach them budgeting and try to encourage saving, with limited results. I also get them to show/tell Granny about all the lovely things they've bought or done with their "presents", as that makes her happy.

Quite soon I'm going to organise debit card accounts, as they need to start learning to manage things that way.

dd(10) and ds(7) both get £5 a week. They tend to save it up and buy bigger items e.g. they clubbed together pocket money and birthday money and bought a WiiU - saved us buying it for them. They also used some money to buy skylanders figures for their new Skylanders Swap Force game they got at christmas.

Thanks for sharing your stories.
I didn't know teenagers could have debit cards. I'm going to open bank accounts for them, I like the idea of them learning about the value of money and having some consideration when buying rather than me or dh just giving in to their requests. Tbh it will save money in the long run.

Help yourself ..
The dragon ... Is a lovely lil' thing (Google rankins dragon) but has got me all worked up. Ds thinks it's a prince. Best sand, best food...different light bulb now, he reads all this crap (I mean informative stuff on the internet) and gets all paranoid about reducing its life expectancy.

Must set a budget as suggested on here.

Wow I love power what good savers you have - to save for a wii u is very good.

DS 12 has £2.75 a week and we also buy him a copy of the Beano. I will also top his phone up £10 a month if necessary, but he hardly ever uses it. We pay the pocket money into a bank account once a month and he has his own debit card which he can use. When we started, we had a couple of months where he blew all his money the first week, but we refused to give in when he whined for more. He will now save up to buy stuff he wants, recently saved up for the new edition of Skylanders which was £80 as he wanted the special dark edition

So a question for all you who give pocket money - do you control what they spend it on at all? i.e. do you have veto if it's something inappropriate (say your daughter is buying short short skirts and low cut tops etc)?

If you give the money regardless of behaviour, don't you think this makes them think that they're "entitled" to it?

If you do give regardless of behaviour, what punishments do you use instead of withholding pocket money?

At what age will you stop giving pocket money? For example they're legally able to work at 16, wouldn't stopping pocket money (or cutting it down) and having them get a job be a better idea of learning "you earn it"?

For those that don't include cell phones, clothes, extra curricular against pocket money, how do you stop them taking advantage? Re cell phones do you have a "base model" fee and they can pay for extras/overages? For clothing do you set a limit/budget for clothing per month, same with extracurricular?

-- I'm genuinely interested in how this works because I didn't get pocket money until I was old enough to receive government payments. Mum would buy everything we needed until then and learnt not to ask unless we could validate why we needed it. We got a certain amount to spend each week on lollies at the lollie store (and LOVED going and budgeting our money to get the most bang for our buck). She also put aside a certain amount per month into a bank account we couldn't access until we were older.

When I got a cell phone I was 17 and it was because I paid for it, and paid for the bills entirely myself. When I went to Uni I paid the rent myself, organised funding etc etc.

As a result of how I was brought up, I don't think kids need pocket money. My husband on the other hand thinks kids should have it. It's the only thing we really disagree about so I'm trying to see his way of thinking instead of "lets just see how we feel when they're old enough".

One of my Ds's is very good with money, the other will spend on anything. He gets cross is we try to put him off. We have found that letting him make mistakes over purchases without having a go at him, helps. We tend to ask afterwards if he thought it was wise and to get him to have a think about it.
We've talked recently about starting a clothing allowance too- I think though it would all go on a couple of brand named items.
Payment of pocket money is also dependent on chores being done. It's not a massive list- dishwasher, beds, tidying, logs in etc.

We do the age thing as well. Ds is 9 and gets £9 a month. Dd is 6 and gets £6 a month.
It's their money, they can spend it on whatever they like but we do try to educate them about how to spend money. Ds used to be dreadful and it really burned a hole in his pocket. However, recently he has really got it and understands the value a lot more. He is not saving for anything at the mo because he has just has his birthday as well as Christmas.
Dd has always been much better with money. She has always been very sure about what she wants to spend her money on and does so.

Sykadelic I never received pm either and worked as soon as I could. My parents were not well off or in the habit of buying things at all really, occasional sweets. That was it. I think that's why I never bother with pm for my own children. I was exactly concerned about the "entitled" issue. My very best friend has never given her children pm ( low income not because they are tight) and they are the most careful rounded young adults I know. Hard work at school and employment. This always clouds my judgment with giving money.
But
Thanks to my very hard working husband we are not in the same circumstances as I was growing up, yes I had no money given, but my parents had nothing either. How I can give my children no money when myself and husband enjoy little luxuries, it makes me feel guilty.

Regards what money is spent on I think it's a lesson for parents, learning to accept your children are making their own choices and even if you don't like it, there's not much you can do, if anything.

The clothing Issue , dd can buy whatever she likes, if it is unsuitable she will not leave the house in it. Thankfully she is a darling and in any case short skirts can look nice and respectful with leggings or skinny jeans. Low cut tops with chiffon over layer.
I had mind all made up.... Bank account, pocket money..... Now you've set me back to where I started!!! You have some excellent points tho.

12 year old gets £12 pm plus I pay her phone every month (£7}

10 year old get between 50p and £1 pw for sweets
as does the 4 year old.

DSs aged 9 and 7.
They have a jar each. It is emptied on a Sat am.
If they are naughty, don't do their chores/homework/tidy up, or are rude etc, a marble goes into their jar.
They can get rid of the marble by doing something 'good'. Kind to their brother, help me with some chores, be thoughtful, etc.
On a Sat the jar is checked. They get £5 a week. They lose £1 for each marble in the jar.
This money is usually saved up, but they can spend it if they like. They are expected to spend their own money if we are holidays and they want to buy stuff, tat at a gift shop for example.They are so much more reluctant to spend their own money. If it is mine they don't think twice, but their own money, they want to keep it!
Works well for us.

I didnt get pocket money as a child but my mum had 5 children and not a lot of money. I remember pinching money to get a magazine but got found out and into big trouble.

frankblackswife Your DD is better off than I am

sykadelic15 I would stop giving my DDs pocket money if they were spending it on something inappropriate but I've always been able to talk to them and agree what it can be spent on. I give my DDs clothes money sometimes (about £50 4 times a year) and I used to keep DD2's money until I'd approved what she wanted to buy, otherwise she'd come back with 2 items rather than the whole wardrobe she comes back with now. They don't go over their phone allowances. I don't link pocket money with behaviour because they hardly get any money anyway and I was hopeless at keeping track with who had lost a pound and for what and whether they'd earned it back again.

DD1 (17) works to supplement the measly amount of pocket money that I give her. That was my plan and it worked