to be upset and angry at the mum who told DD(6) that...

[herewegoloopyloo]

Father Christmas didnt exist? She was talking to me (about her older son finding out) but both DD (6 and 3yrs) were standing right next to me. She just came out without it, without warning or checking with me. It went over DD3's head, who was engrossed in something, but the look on DD6's face broke my heart. We took them to see Father Xmas this year, did the whole food for Santa on Xmas eve, had video from Portable North Pole and they were so filled with wonder and excitement (was the first year they both really got it) it was just delightful. I know they will find out at some point but I just wish it wasn't now. I dont know whether to say something to the mum (or indeed my DD) - and what to say?

Oh and parents are not prefect either. Perhaps we ought to get a list of our parenting misdemeanours dished out to us at the end if every year!

I would have torn her a new arsehole personally. Cow.

I do realise my examples were overdramatic Peking the entire point being that declaring a bit of fun make believe / magic in childhood is somehow scarring your childs tiny mind and ruining their trust in grown ups is more than a tad overdramatic

Some people really do overthink this shit honestly.

Personally I think the woman was tactless, but I also think at 6 you shouldn't go to superhuman lengths to re convince your DD. Just ignore it.

I still remember the wonder of being excited about FC and believing fairy's lived in the fairy garden we visited on holiday, this hasn't ruined my life.

Parents never really bothered with the tooth fairy or Easter Bunny, this hasn't scarred me either. .....

Lottie in the nicest possible way your friend isn't typical and I do so fc for the joy my dds feel at it so please get grip.

When I found out FC was a myth, I was devastated. I couldn't believe he was a she, but found it funny at the thought of a fat man in a tutu and ballet pumps trying to get down a chimney ;)

Yanbu

I was telling someone about the fact my two dont believe but I was very careful not to say anything incriminating in front of her ds

AS to whether the FC lie is damaging, I think, depends on 2 things.Firstly, how the parents 'do' father Christmas.Do they use it as a behaviour management tool, do they go on lying when the child clearly has doubts, is their child the last one in their peer group believing because they don't think their parents would lie, does the child know it is a lie but is playing along for the parents benefit.SEcondly, the child themself.No 2 children are the same.
I don't feel scarred by being deceived for a few short years, but then again I wouldn't argue with someone who says they do.

I had a crap childhood. My parents were shit at being Santa, so I never really believed.

When my DD was born I wasn't in to the whole lying to your kid thing, so didn't make too big a deal of it.

HOWEVER, now my DDs are 5 & 2 and I LOVE CHRISTMAS. I've fallen for it big time and I will go to my grave swearing that the big man in red is real! It's terrible that your DD was so crushed, but you can continue to make it magical and special every year. As an earlier poster said...DENY DENY DENY!

I like to tell cautionary tales. When my DD1 said, "There's no such thing as the Naughty List" I replied "Tell that to your aunty! I'll never forget the Xmas of '86 when she got two lumps of coal..." And proceeded to tell the whole story in elaborate detail!

Ahwell this is AIBU so was fully expecting some 'discussion'. I am surprised at the number of people who were devastated at their parents lies when they found out. Agree with coco44 and I dont think personally that we go 'all out' with the santa myth - have seen far more elaborate santa bahaviours. but we have played along with it. (I also dont agree with using it as a behaviour Mx tool either - ours have always been on the 'good list' , am not trying to terrify them!) I also didnt 6 was that old to find out. I cant recall when I realised but like many on here it was by gradual assimilation and dont recall being upset at all. I like the magic of it, the excitement and the look on their faces - so I still dont think AIBU. I am not about to tear a strip of the mum (who I think was just being thoughtless) - I dont know her that well but if the opportunity arises I might suggest she be a little more careful. As for DD, I suspect the damage is done and still not sure if will discuss. But I dont want to spoil things for DD3 - and the non-believers have not persuaded me otherwise!
And yes, I do know this is a "first world problem". But isnt this mumsnet?

Lottie your friend took it too far! :o

That's meant to be a face. Why would you do that to a kid? Do you th ink she did the same with her Dh/Dp?

You may be right softly softly, but I can honestly say I was very disappointed when I found out that my parents had lied to me. I had argued with my friends at school that fc must exist because I didn't believe my parents would spoon feed me a lie for year upon year.

I don't see how it's denying a part of a child's childhood to not endorse the existence of Father Christmas. If you feel comfortable doing that then fine but I don't.

My children find Christmas magical enough without believing that a fat man comes in the house to deliver their presents and Christmas is not about Father Christmas anyway - it's a religious festival.

Meh. I don't ever remember believing in Father Christmas. It most certainly didn't "ruin the magic of Christmas" for me. I think we underestimate children.

Sorry pressed too soon.

We were at SIL's over Christmas. The lengths she went to were quite absurd in my opinion (though each to their own of course. Her house, her rules). Trails of sweets through the house, "reindeer dust" aka glitter in the garden, elaborate tales of where Father Christmas would be be now, looked up live online.....

What happened to just a glass of sherry and carrot for Rudolph?

My children believe in the way they believe in the other imaginary creatures that populate their lives. Dc1 (8) has asked me straight and got a straight answer. He still enjoyed going along with it this year. I do do it rather half-heartedly, though, tbh.

I am quite uncomfortable with Santa/FC for a number of reasons. I hate the element of pressure and control it introduces (the whole 'be good' and 'naughty list' thing mentioned above). I feel it has grown to become almost cult-like and am concerned about it being the main part of Christmas for children, over and above anything else. And I am astonished at the vehemence and sometimes viciousness with which people on here seek to protect their children's absolute belief.

'An important part of childhood?' What about cultures who don't have FC as part of their folklore? Are they missing out too?

When my exDH told my DD (6) FC didn't exist I told her he didn't see him because he was grumpy. She seemed satisfied with this. When DSS told her FC didn't exist I told her that people over 12 generally don't see FC because they don't believe. Cue a sideways look. I now think she goes along with it because she thinks I'm daft but very fun and full of joy. I cannot describe what I would like to have done to exDH.