Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6

Original poster

to be upset and angry at the mum who told DD(6) that...

138 replies

herewegoloopyloo · 03/01/2014 13:44

Father Christmas didnt exist? She was talking to me (about her older son finding out) but both DD (6 and 3yrs) were standing right next to me. She just came out without it, without warning or checking with me. It went over DD3's head, who was engrossed in something, but the look on DD6's face broke my heart. We took them to see Father Xmas this year, did the whole food for Santa on Xmas eve, had video from Portable North Pole and they were so filled with wonder and excitement (was the first year they both really got it) it was just delightful. I know they will find out at some point but I just wish it wasn't now. I dont know whether to say something to the mum (or indeed my DD) - and what to say?

OP posts:

CailinDana · 03/01/2014 14:45

This is what I don't get. In the yearly pre christmas threads about santa you get post after post saying "I don't lie to my dc it's just make believe blah blah blah," and yet there are aleays these threads with parents upset that yheir children know about the lies and advice on how to lie even more. The look on your dd's face was because you lied to her OP. Lying even more won't help.

CailinDana · 03/01/2014 14:47

Oh and telling her this woman and her children must be naughty would be just plain wrong.

NewtRipley · 03/01/2014 14:49

Good point Cailin, and I agree with peking too.

I think this is bound to have happened sooner or later OP.

Misspixietrix · 03/01/2014 14:52

7)(YNBU. Dd . Asked me if he was real because some one in class had said he wasn't. I just said who did we see then if he's not real? Some people just like to smack the innocence out of a kid with remarks don't think. As a PP said it will probably all be forgotten come this Christmas.

NewtRipley · 03/01/2014 14:54

IME some DCs will continue to believe if they want to, despite being otherwise logical questioning thinkers and having heard plenty of evidence to the contrary from the wider world.

5Foot5 · 03/01/2014 14:55

It is annoying and the other mum should have had more sensitivity and intelligence but it doesn't seem worth saying anything to her now.

Well I disagree about it not being worth saying anything to the other Mum and I disagree with all these posters telling you YABU. If you don't want to perpetuate the FC myth with your own kids that is fair enough but I think you should respect other people's wish to do so.

I honestly don't know whether you will be able to do anything about your DD now and maybe she would have found out by next Christmas anyway. However, I would be steaming mad at this stupid woman's thoughtlessness and would be very tempted to contact her afterwards and tell her exactly what I think of her in the hope that this will prevent her from putting her foot in it with some other persons children.

Even if she took it for granted that your 6yo would know the truth she can't have known your 3yo wasn't listening.

peking · 03/01/2014 14:56

The way I see it is, to use an analogy, that no parent that I know of would insist to their child that their imaginary friend is real...but most are happy to allow their child to have fun with their imagination and allow them to believe what they want to believe. Taking a neutral ground, as it were, but providing the facts if they want them.

To give an example, my eldest DS some years ago went through a phase of pretending that he had an invisible Pokemon character with him all the time (lol). This game made him happy and it was good to see that, and I didn't encourage him that his Pokemon was real but I didn't belittle him for playing this game either. So, I wouldn't have been devastated if he overheard another adult say that Pokemon aren't real.

I would have just let him get on with it.

Don't know if any other parents take this stance with FC/fairyland but that one has always worked with me.

lottieandmia · 03/01/2014 14:57

She's going to find out sooner or later and she's going to feel disappointed just like I did and my cousins when we found out it was all made up. For that reason I don't do this with my kids.

MetellaEstMater · 03/01/2014 14:58

These things are bound to happen sooner or later but it's a hell of a lot better to hear playground chat and let the picture build than hearing it directly from an adult who a six year old will instantly believe.

YANBU OP, I too would be angry with your friend.

If probably not explicitly bring it up if it were my DD but have a chat at bedtime, ask if anything is worrying her etc. and see if she wants to ask.

busygirl · 03/01/2014 14:59

good point cailin. op,dont lie ,then there's nothing to "crush her".always puzzles me how parents can misuse their kids total trust.

lottieandmia · 03/01/2014 14:59

The problem is you cannot control how your child will find out the truth - I found out from friends at school. The only thing you can control is what you tell your child.

redskyatnight · 03/01/2014 15:00

If your DD asks tell her the adult was making up a silly story.

People have been telling my DS that father christmas doesn't exist since he was about 5 (that's what other children at school will do - you are lucky no one has yet told your DD). This was the first year (he's now 10) that he thought other than it was them making it up ...

If your DD wants to believe, she will.

Butterytoast · 03/01/2014 15:00

Can you have a conversation with your dp/ mum/ friend you you have prewar end talking about the silly lady who didn't believe in Santa with your daughter in earshot??

Gruntfuttock · 03/01/2014 15:00

Even though I'm now nearly 60 I can still remember being told by other children at primary school that Father Christmas wasn't real and arguing with them about it. This was because my parents had always made a really huge deal about always telling the truth and I therefore believed that they were also completely honest with me. When I came home from school and told my mother what the other children had said and she told me that they were right and that Father Christmas wasn't real I felt so betrayed. To have drilled it into me for as long as I could remember about always being honest, causing me to make a fool of myself by arguing with the other children at school, because I had thought it impossible that my parents would lie to me, was something that really upset me for a long time. I'm sure that's why the memory is still so clear to me all these decades later.

PLeas don't try to prolong the lie with your daughter now that she knows. She won't thank you for it. I never lied to my daughter about Father Christmas and she still had a lovely time.

Hopasholic · 03/01/2014 15:01

I would have been really pissed off. YANBU. Ignore all the grinchs! What was she thinking? Very mean of her.

lottieandmia · 03/01/2014 15:03

I felt exactly like you did grunt.

NewtRipley · 03/01/2014 15:05

yy peking

That's the appraach I have taken with FC. Didn't lay it on thick. Fairly half-hearted really but happy to go along with it.

peking · 03/01/2014 15:05

I would have been gutted too, Grunt. My parents always being totally honest with me and telling me how the world works - "how it is" - in a very no-nonsense, grounded way while still making my discoveries age-appropriate was a big factor in shaping my personality. I really very much respected them for that and don't feel I missed out on the whole FC thing at all.

After all, I have an imagination of my own :)

natwebb79 · 03/01/2014 15:10

Ha! I knew the Planet Mumsnet 'Santa is a malicious lie that will traumatise your children and ruin their trust in you' brigade would be out in force for this one. YANBU, of course it's perfectly normal to want a 6 year old to still believe in Father Christmas.

MetellaEstMater · 03/01/2014 15:10

It's funny neither DH nor I have any recollection of finding out but both sets of parents went the whole hog. I think you probably have to judge how your child might react in the knowledge of their personality.

peking · 03/01/2014 15:10

This thread does remind me of my shameful ribbing of my best friend when we were 12 as she still believed in FC. She cried a little bit but got over it.

Doesn't seem to have done her any permanent damage and she soon forgave me, so don't worry OP!

NewtRipley · 03/01/2014 15:11

Blimey. Another "brigade". Theres one for everything on here.

Are you part of the "Brigade brigade" natwebb ?

NewtRipley · 03/01/2014 15:11

natwebb79 · 03/01/2014 15:13

There are a fair few 'brigades' on here but this one is probably my particular favourite. Lighten up for fuck's sake!

Floralnomad · 03/01/2014 15:19

Didn't we do this to death before Christmas ?

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6