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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU about Bedwetting?

54 replies

Gossipmonster · 02/01/2014 11:50

DSD (9) has always wet the bed. I have been with OH for 4 yrs - his DC live with their mum.

We don't let her have black currant etc we get her up before we go to bed for a wee.

OH has bought an alarm which his ex wouldn't use because it went near her genital area .

OH has tried to discuss taking her to the GP with his ex (I have a good relationship with her) but she refuses to discuss it and has put DSD into nighttime nappies, and shouts and scolds her when she wets the bed - we do not.

We have all 6 of our DC for 1 wk and DSD has wet the bed 4 nights out of 5, which is not good for her self esteem and is practically difficult for us.

AIBU to be at my wits end with this and not know what to do?

Anyone have any good advice please?

OP posts:

mrsjay · 02/01/2014 11:55

why can't her dad make her an appointment with the Doctor,? why does it need to be her mum, poor girl , fwiw my friends son was doing it till he was 10 but she took him to the gp and got help for him

MammaTJ · 02/01/2014 11:56

Shouting and scolding are the wrong things to do. I have just been given a 'buzzy mat' or enuresis alarm for 7 year old DS but we haven't used it yet, leaving him in his 'night pants' or pull ups for a bit longer.

No blackcurrant or other dark drinks is a good start. No fizzy either.

Don't limit other drinks though. Vary them.

My DS has a start chart for drinking, not for not wetting the bed because when the urine is too concentrated, it irritates the bladder more and make bed wetting more likely.

Original poster

Gossipmonster · 02/01/2014 12:08

There is little point in us taking her to the GP when his ex refuses to engage in any help for DSD.

OP posts:

pudcat · 02/01/2014 12:09

My son wet the bed until he was in secondary school. We tried alarms - they woke everyone except him. We tried lifting, medicine, in fact we tried everything. The only thing we did not do was shout or make him feel ashamed. It will not last for ever. Layer her bed with waterproof sheet, sheet, waterproof sheet, sheet. Then if she is wet in the night it is easier to whip the top sheet and waterproof off to make a dry bed again than to remake it. The poor little mite must be feeling dreadful if her mother shouts at her. That just makes them frightened and worse.

Faverolles · 02/01/2014 12:15

If you spoke to your GP and explained the difficulties, they may put you/DH in touch with the enuresis clinic.
We had to try several things with dd before the clinic would even see her, so there may be things to try that you haven't thought of yet.

You could try a drinks timetable, to make sure she drinks more and more regularly (ie. breakfast, mid morning, lunchtime, mid afternoon, home time, tea time and lastly an hour or so before bed) At 9, this would be something she can be involved in herself and continue at home without it being an issue.

At 9, I feel very strongly that her dm should be trying to tackle this in an appropriate way! for her dd's sake! and I find it very odd that she won't.
I would possibly talk to a health visitor about this and see what they suggest and come up with any ideas to tackle her dm.

DIYapprentice · 02/01/2014 12:17

If she lives with her mum, you are sadly limited in what you can do I'm afraid.

However, have a look at these pjama trousers - very pricey (?!) but may be a real confidence booster for your DSD. The only thing is they can't be tumble dried and take awhile to dry, great for when she's at your house, but not sure how she'd be able to deal with them at home if her own other isn't being supportive.

Writerwannabe83 · 02/01/2014 12:31

I do sympathise - I myself wet the bed until I was 11.

My GP tried medication (didn't work) and I also had the alarm (like the one you mention) but that didn't work either. My GP referred me to an Eneuresis Clinic, has this been done? They tried various methods and tactics and I had to have an appointment there every week with the Specialist Nurse. I was never made to wear nappies (that's horrendous in my eyes) but did have a plastic mattress covering. It sounds like her mother is being a total cow, that poor girl. I don't know what suddenly stopped my nighttime wetting but it gradually became less and less frequent until it stopped altogether.

FWIW I will just share this bit of information with you, it certainly isn't medical advice or being said to worry you or anything, but just something to perhaps consider. I heard once about a possible link between bed wetting and seizures/epilepsy. A study had been carried out (I think) that highlighted a large number of epilepsy sufferers (who were diagnosed young) had wet the bed as children. In case you aren't aware a high number of people will lose bladder control when they have seizures. Coincidentally, I have epilepsy and I have also, within my career, come across children with epilepsy where parents have mentioned they wet the bed (prior to diagnosis) and in hindsight doctors queried whether it may have been due to them having mini seizures in their sleep. It may be completely coincidental, I'm certainly not saying your DSD is having seizures in her sleep but if there is a history of epilepsy or seizures in her family it may just be another angle to look at things from. I wish I could remember where I got this information from but I just recall it as it has stayed in my mind due to having epilepsy myself. Plus, it was about 5 years ago now when I first heard it and don't know how reliable the source was. Like I said, I haven't spoke about it to worry you and it probably isn't relevant to your DSD's case at all, but like I said, it was just interesting.

I really feel for you though, the whole situation sounds very sad and it must be so hard not having her mother on side. I was very lucky that my parents were brilliant about the whole thing really and I was never made to feel like an inconvenience. My big sister on the other hand loved teasing me about it and when I got my alarm she nicknamed me 'Buzzer Girl' and called it he in front of everyone. Even 18 years later she still does it - little sod The sad thing is that with most bedwetters there is usually a psychological cause (mine was thought to be because of my parents splitting up) and if your DSD's mother is being this unreasonable and vile then it will probably only make things worse.

I really hope you all find a solution

Lillilly · 02/01/2014 12:33

I went through the school nurse to get an alarm. I had looked briefly online and had seen this was the best solution, and also worked out that it was not a bladder problem as there was no issue in the day. we were referred to another nurse who went through all the same questions over about half an hour, she then sent us to the consultant, who did the same lengthy check, before sending us back to the nurse who lent us the alarm system.
A pointless waste of time, If I had known I would have just brought an alarm online!

OHforDUCKScake · 02/01/2014 12:35

I think there is every point for her Dad to take her to the doctor.

Poor girl.

Original poster

Gossipmonster · 02/01/2014 12:39

I feel sad for her as I know she wants to go on sleepovers and can't :(

Thanks for the link those bottoms might be good for her at ours.

She's always so chuffed when she doesn't have an accident :(

It's difficult with her mum - I was appalled when we found out she's in dry nites but I try not to get overly involved as at the end of the day I am not her mum.

All the washing is tricky though and she's in my DS bedroom which stinks of pee :(

OP posts:

towicymru · 02/01/2014 12:48

Although it sounds bizarre, is DSD drinking enough during the day? The enuresis (sp?) clinic told us that you need to ensure that there is plenty of fluids being drunk in the day. We find that DS is more likely to wet the bed if he hasn't drunk as much during the day. Upside down logic but works!

Original poster

Gossipmonster · 02/01/2014 12:59

She does drink a lot.

We can't take her to the GP as we live 200 miles away.

Ex would not take any advice from OH as she thinks he's an idiot and knows nothing about parenting and threatens to withdraw contact - we have no formal agreement as due to his job he cannot uphold it.

The alarm was expensive and was just binned although when she was here DSD got on well with it.

OP posts:

mrsWast · 02/01/2014 13:07

my daughter wet the bed until age 13. we were referred to the eneuresis clinic, where they told us that in girls there can be a hormone imbalance which can cause nighttime wetting.

my daughter had Desmopresin tablets for a couple of months. no fluids after 6pm, no fizzy drinks or fruit juice at all, but plenty of water during the day.

we also had an issue where if she wet while staying with her dad, her stepmum would yell and create - not helpful.

she gradually improved, and once her periods started (just aged 13) she has not had the issue since.

ask your GP for a referral - there is a lot of help out there.

good luck.

mrsWast · 02/01/2014 13:09

just saw that you are miles away from the GP.

your DP needs to insist that her mum takes her to see the doctor. shaming is not going to improve the situation and she needs to understand this.

juule · 02/01/2014 13:10

It might be worth making a GP appointment to rule out a physical cause. However, it can just take some children longer to become dry at night.

You might find some of the information about nocturnal enuresis on the ERIC website useful.

Original poster

Gossipmonster · 02/01/2014 13:11

We never ever tell her off we always reassure her that it's not her fault.

OP posts:

Weller · 02/01/2014 13:13

My DS wore dry nites up until the age of ten but we had clear conversations with him that this was not a reason to be embarrassed and that he was not the only 7/8/9/10 year old this was happening to. We got the tablets that he could take when going on school trips/ and sleep overs which worked if started a few days before the event. Then they stopped all of a sudden to be replaced by raging hormones and the conversation on body odour what fun.

Original poster

Gossipmonster · 02/01/2014 13:14

The Eric link is great thank you.

OP posts:

LittleMissGerardButlersBaubles · 02/01/2014 13:19

I took my 7 year old to the clinic after getting a referral from the school nurse last year.

The things they recommend are drinking at least 6 drinks a day, the last one at least an hour before bedtime, and the last one not to be black currant or fizzy.

Ask them to go to the toilet twice before bed, ie go, then brush teeth etc then go again as this should get rid of anything left.

They offered us alarms and tablets but my son didnt want them.

Ironically he was dry the 2 nights before the appointment and has been since apart from the odd occasion.

You are doing the right thing by not shouting etc, its a shame you are so far from the GP.

I can't believe her mum won't even take her :( poor girl.

Jinty64 · 02/01/2014 14:05

I was appalled when we found out she's in dry nites

But that's what dry nites are for. It's so she doesn't wet the bed. They are discrete so no one needs to know she is wetting and you don't have the bed to change every morning. Ds3 wore dry nites until he was, well, dry at night.

trashcanjunkie · 02/01/2014 15:24

I have dts who will be 9 next week. one is dry and has been since he was 2. Other is not. I make no issue of this. He wears dry nights, which are very discreet under pj's and he puts them on in the bathroom, and has a special bin to put them in privately in the morning. As a 'belt and braces' I also use bed mats under the sheet. I have chatted to other parents in his class and several of them do the same. It is due to a hormone development thingy. Basically until they are making this hormone, which allows the wee to concentrate down at night, they will not be dry. Not their fault. But it does and will happen. Give yourself an easy time of things imo.

LaydeeC · 02/01/2014 16:47

I think a referral to the GP/Enuresis clinic is definitely the way to go. My daughter wet the bed and it turned out that she has a dysfunctional bladder and has to catheterise daily to ensure that her bladder is empty.

A tip for the wet bed would be to buy (if you can) a waterproof sheet (I bought a small square one about 3'x3') from mothercare I think) and put it over the sheet that she sleeps on. If she wets, you then only have to wash the waterproof not necessarily all of the sheets/bedding. I feel for you, there were times when we had duvets, duvet covers, sheeting hanging all over our doors as it was every night.
Good luck

LaydeeC · 02/01/2014 16:48

too many ())!

TheWomanTheyCallJayne · 02/01/2014 16:52

We're back to the gps next week
Ds2 9 is still in pull ups
He too slept through the alarm
I'm hoping for drugs next
Even with pull-ups I have to wash duvets at least three times a week

Original poster

Gossipmonster · 02/01/2014 16:58

I guess I have been lucky as none of my own DC ever had this problem.

Must be a nightmare to have it full time :( But makes me wonder why ex is so resistant to doing anything.

OP posts:

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