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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU about Bedwetting?

54 replies

Gossipmonster · 02/01/2014 11:50

DSD (9) has always wet the bed. I have been with OH for 4 yrs - his DC live with their mum.

We don't let her have black currant etc we get her up before we go to bed for a wee.

OH has bought an alarm which his ex wouldn't use because it went near her genital area Hmm.

OH has tried to discuss taking her to the GP with his ex (I have a good relationship with her) but she refuses to discuss it and has put DSD into nighttime nappies, and shouts and scolds her when she wets the bed - we do not.

We have all 6 of our DC for 1 wk and DSD has wet the bed 4 nights out of 5, which is not good for her self esteem and is practically difficult for us.

AIBU to be at my wits end with this and not know what to do?

Anyone have any good advice please?

OP posts:
girlwhowearsglasses · 02/01/2014 17:21

I would give ERIC a call - they have a helplilne - 0845 3708008 . I found them helpful and reassuring when my twins started school and kept wetting themselves.

"ERIC is a national charity that supports children with continence problems and
campaigns for better childhood continence care - See more at: www.eric.org.uk/#sthash.ZOrMcJHa.dpuf"

girlwhowearsglasses · 02/01/2014 17:22

Sorry I just saw you already had the ERIC link - but still I second the other person who recommended

NightWetter · 02/01/2014 18:21

I n/c'd to respond to this.

I wet the bed when I was younger as well. I was old enough that I still remember it. You see I also remember actually wetting the bed. I remember at night dreaming about going to the toilet and waking up only after I had wet the bed. My brain didn't wake me up or stop me from wetting at night. There was some miscommunication in my brain somewhere.

Mum tells me now she took me for all kinds of tests and was eventually told "she'll stop when she's ready" and apparently I did. Just one day I woke up without having wet the bed and never did again.

Back then "DryNites" didn't exist. They didn't have nappies in my size so mum had to improvise with towels. I distinctly remember having to lie on the floor while she put my "nappy" on.

I was so embarrassed when I wet the bed (even though I don't remember yelling or anything) I would hide the "nappies" in a cupboard. Mum thought I was putting them in the wash. I DID get yelled at when she eventually found them.

So my advice is this. Get her tested. If there's nothing wrong, just put her in DryNites and give her time to sort it out herself. I wish they existed when I was having the same issue. I too couldn't attend sleepovers, or school camps. It was embarrassing.

Also, by putting her in the DryNites you give the control back to her. She can get up and get herself changed. She doesn't need to worry about changing the bed. She doesn't have to tell anyone she's had an accident. She can keep track herself and you can look at her chart or whatever, or you can ask. I guarantee she'll start to feel a lot better about it.

Divinity · 02/01/2014 19:06

My DS(8) wears drynites and I'm not taking him to any clinic. I dont intent to either. Thing is, I had the same problem and did not start to be dry at night until I was 10 years old. I had reams of tests, humiliating plastic nappies

Divinity · 02/01/2014 19:08

...nothing worked. Drynites are not like the nappies of old and save a lot of time/effort.

PurplePidjin · 02/01/2014 19:21

Could you apply to have her full time? Withholding medical attention is a form of abuse iirc (definitely breaches the Unicef rights of a child)

Original poster
Gossipmonster · 02/01/2014 19:24

No we would not have them full time her mum is a good mum.

We just disagree on this issue.

OP posts:
Writerwannabe83 · 02/01/2014 19:42

I agree with purple - there could be medical reasons why this is happening and denying a child medical attention is neglect/abuse.

Divinity · 02/01/2014 20:03

Medical reasons in my sons case are ASD and sensory processing issues. Does your dsd have any issues that you are aware of?

mummeeee · 02/01/2014 20:04

Not sure whether I can do links, but we use these www.brollysheets.co.uk/product/x_sku/BROLLYSINGLE.html

They're not cheap and obviously don't solve the problem but work well for us. My daughter wets the bed (medical issue, she is on an intravenous drip overnight so her urine output is really high). She wears drynites but we also use these brolly sheets. We have 2 and they have been washed several times a week for several years and still look like new.

Original poster
Gossipmonster · 03/01/2014 00:25

And again tonight :(

OP posts:
trashcanjunkie · 03/01/2014 02:00

Look gossip did you see what i wrote upthread??

Borntorun25 · 03/01/2014 10:51

One of my DCs was wet frequently till age 8 then just stopped. We used drynites but they sometimes leaked. Really sympathise with you, you are doing the right thing not making her feel bad or making an issue of it.
Practically we found Hippychick waterproof sheet to be fantastic, waterproof layer is covered with brushed cotton so not sweaty or uncomfortable to lie directly on. We used Hippychick as draw sheet which could be removed in middle of night with minimum fuss then he slept rest of night on normal sheet ( he was only wet once each night). Got them from Blooming Marvellous catalogue, not cheap but saved my sanity.

TheWomanTheyCallJayne · 03/01/2014 10:54

Have they improved DryNites because i used to find they hardly held anything and always leaked, might as well not have bothered.
We currently used bambo pull-ups as they're the only ones big enough that don't leak.
My dd who is 7 also isn't dry (nor is my four year old) so we get through a lot and they create huge amounts of washing.

Original poster
Gossipmonster · 03/01/2014 12:12

I will give ERIC a call. We had 2 bloody accidents last night - with 8 if us here it's a complete nightmare I can't get all the washing done.

OP posts:
DIYapprentice · 04/01/2014 22:00

with 8 if us here it's a complete nightmare I can't get all the washing done.

And there you go, you know why her DM is so stressed about it.

I try so hard not to get upset with my DS about it, but washing all the bedding 5 - 8 times a week is draining, really draining.

Washing the duvet, duvet cover, sheets, waterproof protector, sometimes even the pillow.

Once a night, most nights, sometimes twice a night he would have an accident.

My DS is 6, and has just gone back into dry nights because I just can't cope with it anymore. DS is incredibly upset about going back into them.

I'm looking for alternatives, which is how I found those pjama pants and have ordered them.
We have had medical intervention due to other but connected issues, and are going back again. I'm just so tired of it all.

mimiasovitch · 04/01/2014 22:28

My dd11 still wets occasionally. Her problem is mainly due to continual water infections, but for some years it seemed to be all the time. Her constipation didn't help. I really recommend the brolly sheets mentioned above. A lifesaver in the middle of the night, especially when we had wet beds every night. We saw all sorts of specialists but no one could give one solution, but 1 thing that did help was hypnosis. I searched online and found a dedicated besetting hypnotist who was an enuresis nurse. A download cost about £9 I think. She listened every night in bed and I think it gave her some control (or the idea that she was in control anyway) over the situation. Worth a go after the medical options have been exhausted.

melika · 04/01/2014 22:32

I had this problem with DS1, he was 7 and still wetting the bed, tried the alarm sensor in pad in pants at night. It worked in 2 weeks. I had same problem with DS2 at age 4 but it worked overnight with him because he was scared of the alarm!

Every child different, but give alarm a good go.

mimiasovitch · 04/01/2014 22:32

DIY - I really feel for you. However much you know in the cold light of day that they can't help it, in the middle of the night faced with changing beds, being woken up, the thought of the washing and the feeling it'll never end, oh, and the worry about their health......sometimes I just sobbed. It does get easier, eventually.

StinaStina · 10/02/2015 11:39

Has anyone tried the "Pjama" pajama pants for bedwetting?

crazykat · 10/02/2015 12:54

I don't see the problem with her wearing the drynites pyjama pants, this is what they're designed for and they got up to age 15. My ds is 6 and still has occasional accidents at night, his problem is that he's a very deep sleeper and just doesn't wake up. I haven't taken him to the gp as it's only twice a month usually, if it was every night I'd take him and insist on a referral.

While it's far from ideal that her mum shouts I can see how she'd get frustrated with the constant mountains of washing. You sound very frustrated after one night. Let dsd wear the drynites and don't make a big deal out of it. Ask your dsd whether shed like you to get her drynites for when she's with you, she might prefer that to constantly wetting the bed and it's her feelings that are most important in this situation, not whether you agree with her wearing drynites.

Your oh needs to get her to the gp if his ex won't, the fact he lives so far away can be overcome, not easily but it would be possible. There may be a problem that needs treatment or tablets or it could be as pp have said that dsd will grow out of it in time.

Someone needs to do something to try and help dsd, she can't take herself to the gp or buy her own pyjama pants for night time.

RoganJosh · 10/02/2015 12:57

We were told to stop getting DS up for a wee as it teaches then to go when half asleep and not fully in control. He was weeing then and then once or twice more in the night. We stopped getting him up and it dropped to maybe once a week.

Westendgal · 10/02/2015 13:05

Please find a way of giving the alarm a chance. It was a miracle cure for my DS at a similar age. I appreciate others have said it has not worked for them, but it is surely worth a go? (And yes, It does wake everyone, but three nights of that and DS was cured for good. Well worth a try).

QuietNinjaTardis · 10/02/2015 13:29

I don't understand why the dry nites are so appalling? My ds (5) is still in them as he is not dry at night. It's nothing to be ashamed of and if you explained this to her and got some for her to wear at yours then you could stop having to change sheets all the time. Make sure she wees before laying down to sleep and wees first thing and you're less likely to get leaks.
Feel quite pissed off that you think it's such a bad thing. They make them up to age 15 for a reason. Put a bedmat under the sheet just in case of leaks and double layer as someone suggested up thread to make it easier to change.

BertieBrabinger · 10/02/2015 13:51

I second QuietNinjaTardis
The fact that there girl and boy Drynites with different designs according to age group (and gender too Hmm )means that this is a really common problem. Nothing to be ashamed of. I think you're being a bit of a martyr over the laundry when you can just let her use the Drynites and put a waterproof cover on her mattress. I'm sure she's picking up your stress over the laundry as well as whatever stress her mum makes her feel. She'll figure it out. But the best way to deal with this is like someone said upthread: let her wear the Drynites, keep a record for herself of when they were wet or not and let her dispose of them herself. At 9 years old she is well aware of what's going on and it's important to let her have some dignity and privacy.