To think that it is impolite not to say 'thank you'

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Actually not a masked moan, but a genuine AIBU, so that I can make a decision!

I have been sending gifts to two different sets of children (amongst others) since they were born. On reaching early teen years, in both cases, any acknowledgement or thanks dried up.
Not one thank you, either at Christmas or birthday, or for housewarming presents. I would have no idea, in some instances, if the gifts had even arrived - if not for speaking with their mother.

This year, it has made me feel decidedly grumpy that, once again, I appear to be an endless gifthorse to young adults who see gifts as their right but cannot be bothered to say a simple thank you by card, email ....or even a text.

If I stop sending, it will certainly be perceived as an unpleasant stance on my part - so need to be quite sure that I am not being unreasonable to say "given that I never hear a basic "thank you", I won't be sending in the future".
Or have times changed so much that expecting a "thank you" is unreasonable, rather than just good manners?

I would stop sending them. Thankyou is good manners. Persistent non-thanks results in no gifts (in my world).

Yanbu ....I think I'd stop sending now.

Of course I'm projecting! I am the cautionary tale that enforced, over the top acts of gratitude can backfire. And I am refering to my own experiences when I talk about benefactors etc.

It takes two seconds to send a text or email saying thanks. It's so easy but requires the receiver to make a tiny amount of effort.

My kids have sent no thank you letters yet as they've been away with their dad on holiday and are only coming back today.
Saying thank you is polite but I'd give them another couple of weeks to get letters in the post/ emails sent.
If you aren't happy with the situation then stop sending presents.

I am from a background where I've never been made to write thank you notes for Christmas/birthdays and there was no expectation to receive thank you notes for giving bd/C presents either. The thank you was done at the time of handing over/receiving the present and that was enough (and this may have been my parents saying thankyou rather than me as a child). This was the same for my mum's family, my dad's family and all of my schoolfriends. It has been the same for my husband's family too and his network of friends.

So, I agree with the OP that a thank you should be offered, hence YANBU on expecting a thankyou, but for me, it wouldn't matter if that came from the mum that the OP speaks to saying 'thanks for the gifts sent to my offspring'; for me, that would suffice. So if you need an additional letter/text/email from the recipients after the mum has already said thanks, then for me and from my background (and I appreciate this is a minority view), YABU. However, it does sound like if you've moved onto buying housewarming presents for these young adults, you've come to the natural end of present buying for birthdays/Christmas if you don't otherwise have a visiting/loving relationship with them. Your point mentioning them 'seeing gifts as their right' reads as if this is your own perception of what they think and not actually what they/their mum has indicated to you directly.

Veering slightly off the OP's post as the thread has moved onto thank you notes more generally and just for an awareness of the minority 'thanking in person' culture being equally manner-able and all that was expected, it has only been since moving to the south of England I have become aware of the 'thank you' note being seen as a basic standard of manners (although granted this may be the case anywhere in the UK, I simply haven't come across it before). Coming from a background where the thank yous given in person at the time of receiving a gift are quite sufficient, like a couple of other posters, I too find it over the top to then go on to receive a thank you note after you've already been thanked when handing over a birthday/Christmas present. My particular irritation is receiving notes that are written by parents on behalf of their children (toddlers) or a computer printout with just a child's name written on it (young child). To me, they are a total waste of time, paper and postage, as the thought hasn't even come from the child (not that I'd need that either); the parent has already thanked me in person and the subsequent note goes straight in the recycling with zero thought of 'oh what lovely manners', more like 'oh for goodness sake, this is over the top and unnecessary'. I appreciate it is simply a clash of cultures though :)

I agree that I only send notes/ emails to people I haven't thanked in person.

I think it is important to say thank you for a present. However, I don't think it matters whether that is in person, text, email or old fashioned card/letter.

I never receive presents in the post, we arrange to see people, and tend not to send gifts to people who live too far to visit (or we hold on to gifts for months at a time until we or another family member do see them). So I give a thanks in person when I receive the gift (and encourage DD to). Usually we would open the gift then and there too.

If it's a gift for DD and she's not there in person, I would follow up later with a text message or email or even a facebook message, with a photo of DD using the gift. When she's older (she's only 1) I will encourage her to phone the giver and say thank you, but as she can't talk yet and wouldn't understand the purpose of the call, I thought the photo was a nice way of showing the giver that the gift was appreciated by DD.

YANBU

I also agree that a more informal thank you is ok, I don't really like the whole thank you letter/card thing in general but face to face thanks, text or email is fine

Thank you notes and cards were unusual when I was growing up, so we didn't send them. We made a point of saying thank you to people when we saw them if we weren't present when the gift was given to our parents.

My aunt who lived abroad got thanked by phone or as an addition to a letter my mother was sending.

My three year old follows similar rules - if we see the person he says thank you to them. We sent a text with a photo for my aunt, and everyone else gets thanked by him in a video clip on facebook. The 14 month old is too small to join in that yet but everyone who gives something to my boys gets thanked, just not by letter or card.

Genuinely sorry for Shitehawk if she lives in a world where every gesture is simply cynical manipulation by the self absorbed needing their egos boosted.

If someone has gone to the effort of buying you a present it should be automatic to thank them for it. How they are thanked is less important in an age when letters are alien to so many. I try to teach my dd that it is all about the thought rather than the actual gift - especially when it is a duplicate of something they already have.

I wouldn't chase an thankyou as I wouldn't want to embarrass the recipient or force a thankyou. YWNBU to stop sending gifts and if this is queried just say that you couldn't be sure that they were arriving so were intending only to give gifts in person in future. If they didn't thank you for a gift given in person then stop completely.

YANBU - I sent cards and gifts for years to my nieces/nephew who are now adults for birthday and Christmas and never received a single word of thanks. So they get nothing now - their loss, not mine.

We always write thank you letters to anyone who doesn't see the present being opened. If they were there when it was opened, the thanks were said in person.

It's how it has always been in my family, since I was little.

My DCs are 5 and 2, and DD1 has just started on the thank-you letters from Christmas today.

Two no show 'thank yous' and no more gifts is my rule. Saying 'thank you' in person/by note/Email/'phone/fbpm is basic courtesy. My present list has got shorter year on year as friends' children have hit their teens.

Gosh. Conditional giving. How kind of you.

The giving is conditional in that the receiver has manners. sounds fair to me.

Face facts Shitehawk you are in the minority.

I'm so glad you can cut of loving gestures with such ease. Must make life so fulfilling.

Sorry but I don't have "issues".

It could also be considered that a 'Thank you' is a loving gesture also.

So it's sad when you don't get one.

Stop sending presents. If you don't deserve a thank you they don't deserve a present. Instead, send them a nice card each saying 'thinking of you'.