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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be bewildered at FIL's behaviour?

68 replies

ILoveAFullFridge · 30/12/2013 20:30

FIL refused to allow dc3 to have both ketchup and brown sauce on his supper, because it was disrespectful to MIL's cooking.

Yet PILs had put ketchup, brown sauce and tartare sauce out, dh had taken all three, dc1 had taken two sauces, and nobody seemed in the least bothered.

He made such a big deal of it! What was worse, we all thought FIL wanted dc3 to finish one sauce before taking another, whichhe did, but FIL would still not let him have the brown sauce.
I really felt dc3 was being bullied, and over a triviality.

OP posts:
WhoNickedMyName · 30/12/2013 20:31

What did your DH do about it?

CoffeeRevel · 30/12/2013 20:31

That does sound really weird

ENormaSnob · 30/12/2013 20:31

Yanbu

Weirdo

impatienttobemummy · 30/12/2013 20:32

Weirdo!!

Pancakeflipper · 30/12/2013 20:33

What meal requires brown, tomato and tartare sauce????

olibeansmummy · 30/12/2013 20:33

That's a bit weird considering the others were allowed it, but I can't help wondering what on earth you were eating that required ketchup, brown sauce and tartare sauce?!

LadyVetinari · 30/12/2013 20:33

What horrible behaviour! Had your DS done something to annoy him earlier in the day? Or are your other DC female, by any chance?

olibeansmummy · 30/12/2013 20:33

Cross post pancakeflipper!

Pancakeflipper · 30/12/2013 20:33

Oh I know ( answers own question)

Fish Finger sarnies.

Bodypopper · 30/12/2013 20:34

Do you normally allow your fil to rule you and your dcs like this?

Both of you grow a pair and tell fil to butt out.

AwfulMaureen · 30/12/2013 20:34

YANBU I hope you stuck up for him? Also wondering what you were eating though!

Pancakeflipper · 30/12/2013 20:34

But does brown sauce go with fish finger sarnies ?

AwfulMaureen · 30/12/2013 20:34

I know! Fish and chips!

Pancakeflipper · 30/12/2013 20:35

Good call AwfulM - never tried brown sauce before on them but will give it a whirl.

Original poster
ILoveAFullFridge · 30/12/2013 20:42

Fried salmon with various greens and boiled potatoes. The very fact that they put all those sauces out suggests to me that they either think the food needs them, or that they enhance the food.

Dc are ds1, dd, ds2. Ds2 is far more noisy and energetic than the others. PILs are stick-in-the-muds and I think FIL has decided, well, not south that ds2 is bad or that he dislikes ds2 exactly....but he has a negative attitude towards ds2.

Dh finds it very difficult to stand up to FIL. We tried to do so without contradicting FIL.

OP posts:
Original poster
ILoveAFullFridge · 30/12/2013 20:43

If he had just said no then Iwould have overruled him.

I think.

God I tread on fucking eggshells here.

OP posts:
Bodypopper · 30/12/2013 20:45

Oh fuck that then. Your kids feelings are far more important than sulky fils.

He sounds a bully who you are all scared of. Don't visit or send dh by himself.

Don't let this bully extend to a third genaration.

olibeansmummy · 30/12/2013 20:50

He'll no pancakeflipper! Brown sauce is for sausage rolls and cottage pie only! Mind you I think dh has had brown sauce on them before... He's a proper northerner though! Mind you brown sauce is not for salmon, veg and potatoes either Grin. Each to their own though and not for your FIL to decide op.

NewtRipley · 30/12/2013 20:53

Oh it's hard when a GP makes it obvious they find one particular child irritating. Support your DS when he needs it.

WhoNickedMyName · 30/12/2013 20:55

So your DH sat there tucking in to his meal with 3 sauces, saying nothing, whilst your FIL... What... Asked/told/screamed at your DS that he couldn't have 3 sauces?

Original poster
ILoveAFullFridge · 30/12/2013 20:59

My life would remain complete if I never saw them again, but I could not do that to dh. Or the dc - 90% of the time they are treated fine and feel loved and cherished. FIL has MH issues, I think. I try to be compassionate, but when it affects my dc...I. Find. It. Very. Hard.

OP posts:
Annonynon · 30/12/2013 20:59

Why didn't you just give him the sauce he wanted?

With people like your fil a bit of passive aggression can go a long way " oh fil aren't you funny -tinkly laugh- of course ds can have some, here you go darling' all done with a big smile

Original poster
ILoveAFullFridge · 30/12/2013 21:00

So your DH sat there tucking in to his meal with 3 sauces, saying nothing, whilst your FIL... What... Asked/told/screamed at your DS that he couldn't have 3 sauces?

Told. Sternly. Gave the silent treatment.

OP posts:
NewtRipley · 30/12/2013 21:01

Yes, I think smile and wave might be the way to go too. It's sooo hard. One of my rellies makes it clear which of my DCs they prefer - misinterprets what one of them says, sees only the good stuff in the other one. Grrrrr

Original poster
ILoveAFullFridge · 30/12/2013 21:05

Ds2 is not sitting next to FIL tomorrow. If he's right next to me I will have more control of the situation, I hope.

OP posts: