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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Toddlers and shopping centres

123 replies

Thurlow · 30/12/2013 16:25

I went sales shopping the other day to one of those big 'event' shopping centres Milton sodding Keynes, and the place was full of toddlers in puschairs.

Now I have a 2yo, and I can't imagine anything worse than taking them around a hot, crowded, noisy shopping centre in a pushchair for hours on end. And it seemed most of the toddlers I saw thought pretty similar, given how cheerful and happy they were...

Now babies, fine, they tend to sleep through anything. Older children too, they are presumably interested enough in some shops and eating in a restaurant. But toddlers? I was trying to think of a reason for it. Now I know that some toddlers enjoy shops and might have loved several hours in a shopping centre. And also some people won't have anyone to leave the toddler with (though most toddlers I saw seemed to be with groups of both parents and some grandparents, though actually not many that I could see with older siblings). And of course there will be some people who really need to sales shop for clothes etc because of their budget, and so it's worth the hassle.

Also, I know toddlers have to fit in with the rest of family life, so mine has to do the odd short clothes shop, the food shopping etc, but the shopping centre really is one you sort of 'go' to for half a day, not pop to because you need something.

But AIBU to think that probably with so many of these kids - and there were hundreds of 'em, I swear - it really isn't a good idea to take a toddler around a shopping centre for several hours? I'm not judging people who do, I'm just... bemused. If I didn't have my parents to look after DC on that day, I wouldn't have gone sales shopping, I would have done it online.

OP posts:
MrsKoala · 30/12/2013 19:02

Depends on the toddler i think. I have to time my shopping trips for the 1 hour when DS is napping, then i sprint to waitrose lidl and have 45 mins to chuck it all in the cradle of the buggy (i do this 4 times a week btw). He tends to come to just as i'm paying, his eyes flicker, then he realises he's in a shop and so starts the screaming, rocking and grabbing at everything within arms reach. I would never inflict his society on the nice people trying to enjoy the sales.

I once had to lap MK shopping centre about 20 times as every time i slowed below a certain mph he started screaming. This also included returning an item to Next in 2 trips (i hurled it at a shop assistant with my receipt and card then left, lapped, and returned to collect card on next way round). It was like the MK version of Speed. Grin

EmmaBemma · 30/12/2013 19:02

I find shopping a purgatorial experience at the best of times, and even more so with small children in tow - but sometimes needs must.

Original poster
Thurlow · 30/12/2013 19:04

I like the fact that I am now both a bad parent for leaving my DD alone for a few hours 'me' time, and a good/smug parent for not taking my toddler shopping. Is that a win-win or a lose-lose?!

OP posts:
BerniceBroadside · 30/12/2013 19:10

I hate shopping with children, but as I work the only time I have to do it is at the weekend, with a whinging child in tow.

It wasn't even fun with a baby as I wasn't blessed with a sleeping child.

This is probably why I look like a raggedy, badly dressed, scarecrow most of the time.

alemci · 30/12/2013 19:18

I was minding my own business yesterday in supermarket .when I heard a little girl of 2 having a meltdown, tried to get out of her way as she stormed past me nearly slapping me, dad oblivious

Laquitar · 30/12/2013 19:26

I like how some of you see 'bored and unhappy' toddlers in buggies.

I went the other day and i saw many families and extended families with happy toddlers. They were looking at the xmas lights, chatting, riding the coin cars, having kisses from grandparents etc. I cant see anything wrong.

Perhaps those who judge project. Some people can only enjoy their children in constractive activities. Others can enjoy their children in any situation and they can make the most of it, and talk and interact.

Solongsucker · 30/12/2013 19:30

You have too much free time, if you can "ponder" on this. Shopping is part of life. Even for toddlers.
YABSU

Original poster
Thurlow · 30/12/2013 19:44

I really wish I did have that much free time. I must have been multitasking.

To clarify again, I wasn't talking about popping to the shops for an hour, I was talking about a day trip to a heaving shopping centre.

OP posts:
LimitedEditionLady · 30/12/2013 19:57

Haaaa how do you know people are having a full day trip?are you a mind reader?Do people carry large signs indicating their intentions for being at shops and how long they will be?

LimitedEditionLady · 30/12/2013 19:58

Dont be judgemental on petty things and you wont look smug.

Laquitar · 30/12/2013 20:01

A day trip 2 or 3 times a year.

What exactly is your problem?

Are you jelous that some parents manage it and enjoy it? Do you feel that if it was you, you would have left the toddler in the buggy all day and you wouldnt have been capable of taking him out, or chat or having fun with thecars and the lights?

Then you are judging yourself perhaps. Maybe next time ask them for tips.

SlinkyB · 30/12/2013 20:03

Knew you'd need yer tin hat Thurlow Wink

I do actually know of families who take very small children clothes shopping for hours on end. I don't get it, but each to their own.

Oh, for the record, IMO YANBU.

stopgap · 30/12/2013 20:03

I do most of my shopping online. Two year old is great on the weekly food shop but he has a restless, high string energy otherwise, and I couldn't imagine shopping with him for hours on end. Today we went to a DIY warehouse for an hour, which is about his limit as he was utterly falling apart by the end.

Shopping bores me silly, so keeping it to bits here and there is better for all of us.

LimitedEditionLady · 30/12/2013 20:04

I personally couldnt care less if anyone else is looking at my child and are not "enchanted by them playing with merchandise" I dont care what other people are doing so why would they care what we are doing?Today I went shopping with my toddler and people stopped to talk to him so i cant see that it can be that irritating to everyone anyway.Maybe you guys who it irritates are just miserable??

SaucyJack · 30/12/2013 20:06

People taking their kids out in public with them. Whatever next eh (!)

Steben · 30/12/2013 20:06

Not read all replies but yanbu - sure some have great toddlers happy to tag along with mine it would have been sheer unadulterated hell.

Fairylea · 30/12/2013 20:15

I think it totally depends on the toddler.

Dd is 11 now and loved going round the shops in her buggy. She'd sit for ages, chat to herself and smile and wave at everyone. We would break the day up with a cafe and some walking. She loved it. Then she would sleep in the buggy on the bus home.

Now I have ds 18 months he is a different kettle of fish!! Has Never ever slept anywhere but his cot (we took him out for the day at 5 months and he went 12 hours without a nap as he just wouldn't sleep in the car or buggy and it never changed) and he isn't happy unless he's walking. So basically I can never go to a shopping centre as it would be miserable for both of us.

I order everything online and the only shop I dare go to with him is tesco which he can walk to on the reins and then he goes in the buggy to whizz round as quick as I can!

To go to a shopping centre with ds would be like torture for him :( and fair enough... With dd she would have loved it.

Rubybrazilianwax · 30/12/2013 20:17

But where would we hang the shopping if we didn't have a buggy with us?

Original poster
Thurlow · 30/12/2013 20:17

Oh, my tin hat is well battered after several years on here, Slinky Grin

For about the tenth time, yes I was assuming it was a several hour trip for most people because of the particular kind of shopping centre it is. It is not a normal town shopping centre. MK shopping centre is essentially Bluewater slapped into the middle of a very sprawling conurbation, with very little housing nearby. It is, thanks to the wonders of the town planners back in the 1980s, virtually impossible to walk to this town centre from anywhere other than two or three estates. It also costs quite a bit to park there. There will definitely be locals, like one or two posters on here, who know the secret places to park for free or who could wander in easily, but for most people it is the sort of place that you deliberately go to and spend several hours there to make the visit worthwhile. To give an idea of the size of the place, the average daily footfall during the sales period is about 130,000.

I was thinking about it while shopping as it's not like most people's town centres, where you pop in and can wander around in an hour, have some nice cafes to visit, maybe a market square or a park to let the kids run loose for fifteen minutes and burn off some steam.

I was also thinking about it as, along with some other posters, my idea of hell and my idea of my toddler's hell would be wandering for hours around indoor shops in a place that was too busy to let them safely out of the pushchair without them being tripped over etc.

Obviously IABU. 95% U, though, going by the responses, which is better than some things I have pondered Wink

OP posts:
bronya · 30/12/2013 20:17

My toddler happily went sales shopping. He loved walking around and looking at different things. We had lunch out too, which he enjoyed and sat through nicely. To be fair, he was pretty tired by lunch, which definitely helped!

MrsHappyBee · 30/12/2013 20:21

I agree with you OP, if I was spending a day with my family the last thing I'd suggest is a day out at a shopping mall, but loads of families seem to like it.
You're getting a hard time because you said you wanted to chat about this; should've posted in chat, AIBU if you want a row about it!

BABaracus · 30/12/2013 20:30

OP - I completely agree with you. Shopping with my entire family (including two toddlers) in tow is not my idea of a pleasant day out!

Original poster
Thurlow · 30/12/2013 20:38

True, MrsHappy! But it is also an AIBU, in a way - aibu to think that toddlers and busy shopping centres aren't a great mix? I don't mind Grin

Plus it's been a while since I've been accused of being variously selfish, a miserable old bat, annoyed by seeing small children in public (despite having one myself) and smug within the space of an hour. There's nothing on telly tonight, I fancied a more robust discussion.

But while I am perfectly capable of interaction with my DD while she is in the pushchair and going around a shop, I can agree I wouldn't plan a family day together to an indoor shopping centre. A nice town with some shops, sure. But not MK, Bluewater, Lakeside etc - a shopping centre is very different to me than a town centre with some shops. And pedantically I did say "shopping centre" in the title, not "shops".

OP posts:
MrsKoala · 30/12/2013 20:47

Thurlow - Having lived in MK till very recently, i can confirm the shopping centre is indeed a circle of hell family day out destination - in fact it is pretty much the only place to go for lots of local residents (especially in crappy weather). I worked in the centre and all colleagues spent all day Sat and Sun with their kids trailing around the shops. If they fancied something more exotic they went to Luton (that's something i thought i'd never type) much to the ripples of excitement round the office when they did, and then recounted every shop entered and every morsel of food consumed. Confused It truly is a shrine to consumerism and the of course they worship the car and yes you do have to drive and pay a lot to park.

Original poster
Thurlow · 30/12/2013 20:56

Oh my god! I now live the other side of Luton. Do people deliberately go there from MK?!

Maybe it's something specific about the long, narrow.hallways of MKC. I can't overestimate how dangerous it would be to everyone involved for little toddlers to be out of their pushchair in most of it

OP posts: