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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask for your tips for dealing with toddler and newborn

74 replies

CloudyPlains · 30/12/2013 15:05

DD2 due imminently and starting to look beyond panicking about another labour (DD1 was rather scary) and to coping with two

DD1 has just had her 2nd birthday

After any tips, even the random ones, to help me on my way. DD1 is at nursery 2.5 days a week and will stay while I'm on maternity, as she loves it there. I'm also lucky enough to have a bit of budget put aside to be considering finding some extra help with bathtimes etc as my husband works abroad 3-4 days a week (although will be around for first 3 weeks), although will only do this if I start to feel the need

I know it's not AIBU but I'm currently sitting here bored in hospital waiting room (for GTT) and would love some tips

OP posts:
soverylucky · 30/12/2013 15:18

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

stickyricecakes · 30/12/2013 15:22

You don't have to 'manage' a toddler and a newborn. Just muddle through anyway you can and by the time you've caught your breath, newborn is a couple of months old and everything is much easier.

Grin also. Sling.

trinity0097 · 30/12/2013 15:22

Could some of the budget be used in getting a cleaner if you don't have one already?

Wibblypiglikesbananas · 30/12/2013 15:24

Watching with interest. Have a ten week old and a two year old (25 months when DC2 was born).

Did lots to prepare the two year old for the arrival of her little brother - stories, helping get his room ready etc. Have explained many many times that when I'm breastfeeding on the couch, one arm is for the baby and the other is for cuddling the toddler - that's why mummies have 2 arms! She does get frustrated though and often asks me to put the baby down.

The hardest part of the day for me is bath time/5pm - 8pm. Toddler is in nursery 9-12 M-F and then we come home, have lunch, she naps, then we go to the park/have a friend over. But - come after dinner, when it's the witching hour and she's upset and baby is screaming, it can be tough, especially as DH often isn't home from work. I'd defitnely get some help with the evenings if you can. In fact I'm interviewing someone for the exact same thing later this week!

Good luck!

Wibblypiglikesbananas · 30/12/2013 15:25

Definitely...

HaroldTheGoat · 30/12/2013 15:25

I'd be tempted to get a cleaner and send out your washing (I currently have to do a load a day even to keep on an even keel)

Rather than getting help with bath times.

I have the same age gap. Bath times are fine at first as you can do the baby when dd1 is in nursery.

Now they go in together.

Get a baby holding device set up for upstairs and downstairs and somewhere DD1 can play safety when you are dealing with the baby.

It gets a lot easier after three weeks.

Crowler · 30/12/2013 15:27

Second babies seem much easier than first. They blend right in.

HaroldTheGoat · 30/12/2013 15:27

Evening meal is hard! Prepare it in advance as much as possible.

I've had many a meal where I've just had to rock the baby in his pram.

When it seems hard remember three stages seem like forever at the time but really aren't. Now they eat together and it's a lot easier.

roweeena · 30/12/2013 15:27

Playgroups in the morning, home for lunch then toddler nap with some sort of craft or baking in afternoon.

I have similar age gap and DS2 is now 12 weeks. I purchased a big box of craft stuff that I can fall back on in the afternoon. It's not as hard as I thought it would be DS2 just goes with the flow really, my main focus still remains DS1.

I often do bedtimes, I don't bath DS2 everyday. There is more crying at bathtime but once DS1 in bed I cuddle up withDS2 and watch breaking bad!!

roweeena · 30/12/2013 15:28

Ps for the first few weeks make a packed lunch the night before for yourself and toddler

Original poster
CloudyPlains · 30/12/2013 15:28

Blush already have The Best Cleaner In The World (TM)

OP posts:
roweeena · 30/12/2013 15:29

Also if it just you doing bath bedtime eat at the same time as toddler so after they have gone to bed you can relax

Crowler · 30/12/2013 15:30

Oh yes dinner is invariably hard because newborns are colicky in evenings. Plan ahead.

HaroldTheGoat · 30/12/2013 15:32

Packed lunch is a really good idea. You can just pull it out of the fridge and it's good to go.

Original poster
CloudyPlains · 30/12/2013 15:33

Amazing tips already, thank you so much
Sadly toddler has just dropped her daytime nap down to 1-2 times a week only (wail!) but will be sleeping when the baby sleeps, as they say, on her nursery days

Sending out washing is a very good idea, hadnt even considered that!

I am planning to batch cook a tonne of meals for us all while DD is at nursery, so that we will be stocked up in advance. Is it bad to give my toddler microwaved freezer meals every day?? (Actually I do this a lot already)

OP posts:
Crowler · 30/12/2013 15:35

I do remember feeling that it was the end of the world when my toddlers stopped napping.

Of course microwaved food is not bad! You'll be fine, you have a lovely new baby just ahead. Enjoy. :-)

HaroldTheGoat · 30/12/2013 15:36

Ironing really, I get a black bag done for 12 pounds and I can't tell you the difference it has made.

HaroldTheGoat · 30/12/2013 15:36

No that's not bad. Not at all!

You should really write off trying to cook at all when they are both with you. It's awful.

Original poster
CloudyPlains · 30/12/2013 15:37

Also has anyone successfully BF in a sling and if so which one, I already have an ergo but friendly is going to lend me either her Moby or some other thing that has two pieces of cloth (not a terribly crunchy mum so not too au fait with these things!! Maybe I need to get in tune with my inner crunchiness)

DD1 thought the ergo was a torture device and wouldn't sleep in it,
Hoping for better results this time!

OP posts:
Crowler · 30/12/2013 15:38

Ironing with a toddler and new baby: The First Thing to Go.

stepmooster · 30/12/2013 15:46

I switched bath times to mornings, and I only bathed newborn when DC1 was in nursery.

I find if I don't plan the day properly its hard. I always made sure DC1 had drink and snack to hand. A hungry/thirsty toddler is not ideal when bf.

Internet shopping saves precious time and ready toddler meals, you can buy fresh made ones that just need a whizz in the microwave.

But best thing I did was keep DC1 in nursery as I couldn't provide much interaction in first days.

QuizteamBleakley · 30/12/2013 15:48

I have a 13 month gap and my random tips: bin off the ironing, make packed lunches, always put toddler in a trolley in the supermarket (trying to push a trolley and deal with a free-range toddler is akin to herding cats), bouncers strewn strategically around the house, involve toddler with new baby as much as possible, big pressie from newbie to toddler (obviously) and - where possible - keep toddler in their established routines (bedtime, bathtime etc).

Mine are now 3 & 2 and so close, it's wonderful. The first 6 weeks were feckin' tough (sorry, but steel yourself) but after that we were all "synced" and I love it. Good luck & enjoy!

Xmasbaby11 · 30/12/2013 15:54

This is useful! I am 36 weeks pg with DD2 so watching with interest.

Fedupnagging · 30/12/2013 16:02

Dh worked away all week for years and was doing so when I was pg with ds3 and again soon after he was born so I had a 5yr old a 2yr old and baby (who dropped his daytime naps pretty much the day we left hospital!)

The things that helped (no family close by) was a cleaner, babysitter and someone to do the ironing.

Bath and bedtimes were stressful as they are for most parents but I worked really hard to get all 3 bathed and in bed by 7ish so the rest of the evening was mine. As my babysitter was a trained nursery nurse, she had no problems looking after 3 children so I made sure I went out regularly.

During the daytime, we went to toddler groups, parks etc - am not great being stuck indoors all the time. The journeys to and fro were when ds3 had a nap. Grin For times when everyone was going into meltdown, I would bundle us all into the car, stick on a story tape and just drive-it really worked calming everyone down.

Also, don't be afraid to stick on the tv don't flame me sometimes I was so exhausted I just needed a catnap before embarking on the teatime/bedtime regime so we would all have a cuddle on the sofa and I might get 5 mins shut eye.

This is a lovely, if tiring time of life with your children so good luck OP and enjoy it.

formerbabe · 30/12/2013 16:18

If by any miracle you get them both to nap at the same time then turn off/unplug the phone!

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