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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask for your tips for dealing with toddler and newborn

74 replies

CloudyPlains · 30/12/2013 15:05

DD2 due imminently and starting to look beyond panicking about another labour (DD1 was rather scary) and to coping with two

DD1 has just had her 2nd birthday

After any tips, even the random ones, to help me on my way. DD1 is at nursery 2.5 days a week and will stay while I'm on maternity, as she loves it there. I'm also lucky enough to have a bit of budget put aside to be considering finding some extra help with bathtimes etc as my husband works abroad 3-4 days a week (although will be around for first 3 weeks), although will only do this if I start to feel the need

I know it's not AIBU but I'm currently sitting here bored in hospital waiting room (for GTT) and would love some tips

OP posts:
QuizteamBleakley · 30/12/2013 16:34

Oh yes, that's another thing - until toddler dropped his daytime nap (about 23mths, if memory serves) I would make sure i'd fed baby, nappy done etc and then put them both down for a nap. I would then go and get some shuteye too. Look after yourself.

mycatlikestwiglets · 30/12/2013 16:48

Definitely aim to eat early in the evening - DD is 8 weeks old now and I find I'm having to feed her constantly from the time DS goes to sleep (around 7.30, after the bedtime rigmarole starting aroumd 6.30) until she finally settles for the night around 9. No chance for cooking! I'd usually eat once DS has gone to bed so that's probably the one thing which has changed most since DD arrived (apart from broken sleep obv!)

underachievingmum · 30/12/2013 16:54

Number 3 is 17 weeks. A sling and an iPad are the things I would hate to be without!! Bad parent - maybe but whatever works in the early weeks.

Have never bf in sling though!!

secretsofsanta · 30/12/2013 16:56

Cleaner
Organise help now rather than later on
Ready meals
Up dd days to 3 at nursery

secretsofsanta · 30/12/2013 16:58

Get washing and ironing done
Online shop
Get out and about

hooochycoo · 30/12/2013 17:05

Plan to meet up with friends every day, so you always have another pair of hands with you. Get out as much as you can, so toddler can be entertained in park/ playgroup/ friend's children while you are feeding/changing. Lower your standards , it's all alot easier if you don't really care.

zzzzz · 30/12/2013 17:07

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Elllimam · 30/12/2013 18:33

I am watching this thread with interest as I will have a 20 month old and a newborn this summer :) I second the question about the sling? Xxx

ChatNicknameUnavailable · 30/12/2013 18:49

I used to make lunch AND dinner for ds1 and I a day in advance. So it was always in the fridge ready to be pulled out and eaten (lunch - sandwiches/salad) or heated up.

HaroldTheGoat · 30/12/2013 18:54

Yes lower your standards from the off.

I go for hygenic. The rest has had to go.

IneedAsockamnesty · 30/12/2013 18:55

The single best tip I was ever given was...

Forget everything else your told but never leave them in a room alone together if toddler can get to baby.

Having seen the results of two friends ignoring this, it was good advice.

NewtRipley · 30/12/2013 19:00

Don't expect the older one to love the younger one. Don't panic if she doesn't. Try and keep her life as predictable as possible. - love will grow if you don't push it.

NewtRipley · 30/12/2013 19:00

DVDs are your friend

olidusUrsus · 30/12/2013 19:00

Sell one.

NewtRipley · 30/12/2013 19:02

yy Sock

NewtRipley · 30/12/2013 19:03

Remember your oldest is still a baby. She will look enormous, she may be good at talking, but inside she is still a baby.

NewtRipley · 30/12/2013 19:04

P.S. Its great. Hard at first but worth it.

TisTheSeasonToBeUnreasonable · 30/12/2013 19:09

I have 10minths between my youngest two (18months and 8months) and I fully expected the first year to be a nightmare but it's actually been fine! There are obviously tough days where you feel like the feed/change cycle is never ending but those days I tend to just stay in and have a fun indoor day.

Biggest tips/advice I found are:

It's useful to attempt (eventually) to get them napping same time least once a day - this gives me a precious 30mins to myself and the other nap time I use for one on one time with toddler.

Lower your housework standards Smile long as it's tidy and safe - dusting can wait a while

Baby groups have been great - there is always a helper keen to get their hands on one of them - so I get some time with the other

Most of all .....enjoy it ...it goes so fast I am actually considering another :/

moanymandy · 30/12/2013 19:16

ds2 is 10 weeks and ds1 is 3. I found the first 8weeks hell! baby cried so much! I just did what I needed to do to get through the day. I got a sling so I could get on with day to day tasks and made sure I kept myself busy with friends, groups etc otherwise I think I would have cracked. I feel like a different person now!

I am thankful that ds2 sleeps a lot better than ds1 did so I'm getting a half decent nights sleep.
You say that your dh works away but stay honest about how you are feeling/coping. I found I felt a lot better when I could talk about how I was feeling and dh made sure he was around to help as much as possible at the weekends, I I took every opportunity I could to go and lie down.
Good luck you will muddle through and there most definitely is light at the end of the tunnel! Remember you are not alone! Thanks

Purplepoodle · 30/12/2013 19:29

My tips would be (my oh works away)

I bath 2/3 times a week instead of every night if your struggling.

Weirdly toddlers like taking dirty nappys to the bin, go figure.

DVDs toddler ds loves peppa, he gets to watch it when i feed or I read to him as I cant feed in a sling.

Always have a sippy cup of water as guaranteed they will want a drink when you sit down to feed.

If u have a mothercare in town they r great for feeding as toddler is kept and room plus they have toys.

HOMEQCRICH · 30/12/2013 19:42

I know everyone has different experience but I found the newborn a doddle. He just stayed where I left him! I was lucky though as my first was such a bad sleeper and a clingy baby that I was expecting and was fully prepared for the same.
I can't add to the excellent tips but I do second having your laundry/ironing sent out!
I wish you all the best

roweeena · 30/12/2013 21:13

I definitely found the transition from 1 to 2 much easier than going from none to one IYSWIM

MaeMobley · 30/12/2013 21:24

I had a 20 month gap between our two.

What helped me was:
bathing them separately
buying extra bouncing chairs/moses basket/changing mats so I had these on each floor
making sure our house was properly toddler proof because I could not keep my eyes on him all the time
Cbeebies was a godsend

dustarr73 · 30/12/2013 21:32

I had a 3 and a bit old and 18 month old and a newborn.My saving grace was bathtime.Throw them in the bath.Also going out in the afternoon i found better some days as it brought the day in.But really just get up and out.I used to picnic in the park.They loved it.

Thesimplethings · 30/12/2013 21:35

16 months gap between mine, to be honest it was probably easier. Ds1 hadn't started the terrible twos and didn't get jealous. Ds2 slept all day but was up all night. The sleep deprivation was the hardest part, as ds2 suffered from reflux. But in terms of getting out and about it was a doddle.

They are now 3.6 and 2.3 and love each other to bits, kind caring towards each other but woe betide me telling one of them off!

I got mine into a joint afternoon nap routine to stay sane, keep house tidy and had lunch to refresh during this time. Routine is your friend. I now enlist dc in tidy up time before tea. Bath pjs on before dh is home from work. They then get playtime with dh while I get sorted. Dc in bed by 7.30 up at 7.30/8 am.

My advice.. Go with whatever suits you as a family.