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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to have shamed my mum about her work ethic?

56 replies

Jolleigh · 30/12/2013 02:50

Put simply, my mum was having an almighty moan about her employer this evening. She had many points in this moan, but 2 really didn't sit well with me.

She ranted that her car allowance (a contribution to her insurance) was going to be taken off her, but in practically the same breath stated that she's been claiming petrol costs from them despite having been walking everywhere for 4 months in a slimming attempt.

And in retaliation to being told she couldn't have New Year off work, she's gotten herself signed off sick by the doctor citing a pre-existing condition. She openly told me that she only got herself signed off because they denied her the day off.

I told her that although I can see why certain things were annoying/inconvenient/far from ideal, I didn't really think that after these 2 gems she could take the moral high ground. Many of the things her employer is doing are strictly cost cutting measures and the fact is, employees like her increase running costs and make these measures even more necessary.

I know she's my mum, but surely that doesn't mean I'm expected to act like this kind of thing is ok? She's acting like I've eaten her first born.

OP posts:
DoYouLikeMyBaubles · 30/12/2013 03:21

I think you're right and it's good you stood up for your morals. She's in the wrong and should surely see that she is!

Catsize · 30/12/2013 03:26

Your mum's attitude is really bad and you are being the parent!

sykadelic15 · 30/12/2013 03:34

Sense of entitlement that a lot of employees have.

You were right to tell her that, but she's right to feel upset that you "attacked" her and didn't support her. 'Course it depends how you said it... if you yelled at her or gently talked to her... but yeah. Her behaviour is something I experience at work (sickies) and it bugs the crap out of me.

shabbiegurl · 30/12/2013 03:37

I probably wouldn't have been so kind as you O_o

Disregarding the whole moral side of it ... its employees like this that give employers no option but to reduce work force, despite best efforts to cost cut.

Just because theres an entitlement does not make it ok to claim (petrol costs).

You did the right thing calling her out on it.

Monty27 · 30/12/2013 03:40

You didn't say what industry she works in, there may well be a deeper story, car allowances are a huge issue for some people.

And aside from that, if you don't know the inners of her story, which I feel you don't, you had no right to sit in judgement and take the moral high ground towards anyone, let alone your dm.

Sorry, I hope I worded that ok. I don't approve of pisstaking employees, but neither do I approve of pisstaking employers. ifyswim.

Original poster
Jolleigh · 30/12/2013 03:41

Phew!

Syk - there was no yelling, but I did have this face on while I was 'shaming' her - Hmm . I admit, this may not have helped.

OP posts:
Original poster
Jolleigh · 30/12/2013 03:49

To give some context Monty she works for a council. I obviously can't say a huge amount more as it would be quite identifying. However, the link back to the tax payer makes it worse IMHO. If this were the private sector, this behaviour from an employee would equate to a drop in the ocean for bottom line profit. In the public sector I can equate it to X number of families' council tax going to waste.

OP posts:
Monty27 · 30/12/2013 03:55

Yes, I had a feeling that was the case. Although sadly in that industry/sector employees are being trod on very heavily by this deluded Coalition but hey.

I don't blame you for not respecting her actions, but it can't be fall out fodder between a dm and dd can it? Dm's employment is probably soul destroying tbh. Be a bit more supportive, try to get her back into the real world? It is horrible for them. You must always maintain respect for her. It's been crap. (I don't work in that sector but know many others that do).

:(

Original poster
Jolleigh · 30/12/2013 04:03

We've not properly fallen out Monty - there was a very stealthy subject change on my part once I realised it was going to get too heated Smile

In many of her points, I felt perfectly able to show the appropriate level of sympathy (I completely sympathise that she's suddenly having to pay to park on the council's own car park) but when compared to many private sector workers' situations her department has certainly managed to retain a lot of perks, so 'rebelling' in this way just doesn't sit right with me.

OP posts:
TheGreatHunt · 30/12/2013 04:27

Actually removing the perks might not be fair. Just because she takes the piss, it doesn't mean others will.

And if it was the private sector, I'd be fucked off that my money to purchase any goods or services is being wasted. Why does it make it worse as a taxpayer? I don't like being ripped off. We only hear of the public sector waste - because of the public accountability.

wonders if OP is a troll with the stereotypical public sector worker example

TheGreatHunt · 30/12/2013 04:28

And how do you know what perks private sector employees have? The executives are certainly doing well.

Chottie · 30/12/2013 04:37

You are right and your mother is wrong. Her behaviour is not acceptable.

I'm wondering if your mother is put out too, because deep down she knows you are right?

Whether the money involved is public or private, this is a waste.

WoodBurnerBabe · 30/12/2013 05:00

Umm claiming petrol costs while walking everywhere is surely fraud, no? My employer would have a fit if they found out I was doing any such thing and I would be facing a minimum of a final written warning and for 4 months of fraudulent claims it would be dismissal for gross misconduct.

Bodicea · 30/12/2013 06:01

Unfortunately you can get away with a lot working as a civil cervant and not get sacked. We have a friend that takes about a week off sick every month and has been doing for the last few years but has had like one warning or something. He readily admits he does the
Minimum he can get away with. Not All civil servants are like that but it is easy to get awAy with it if you are.

treaclesoda · 30/12/2013 06:14

it always surprises me when people say that it's much easier to get away with taking time off sick etc if you're a public sector worker. I've worked in both private and public sector jobs and they were very strict and inflexible in the public sector if anyone was off due to ill health, no matter if it was genuine or not. Huge private companies are the same. The only employers I've ever seen take a common sense case by case approach to sick leave have been small businesses.

TheGreatHunt · 30/12/2013 07:26

It's not like that in the parts of the civil service I see. I've seen people over worked and under paid, under incredible stress because staff have been cut with no real consideration.

As for "doing the minimum you can get away with" again - I've seen many private sector workers who do naff all and are not sacked. How many times have you been into a shop and not been served while standing around? Or had terrible customer service from a broadband provider? Or got nowhere when trying to sort out a broken boiler?

People seem to think that private sector workers are dedicated and hard working. And being in the public sector means you're inherently lazy Hmm

Lifeisaboxofchocs · 30/12/2013 07:35

Wow. Just wow. Your mum sounds lovely!

That is just really crappy behaviour. I desperately hope that if you or siblings have children, they were not around to listen to her.

I am genuinely impressed that you see that her behaviour is wrong, despite her being your mother and presumably her displaying attitudes like this to many different things. You must be a strong person.

Original poster
Jolleigh · 30/12/2013 11:50

TheGreatHunt - there's always one. No, I'm not a troll.

OP posts:
TheGreatHunt · 30/12/2013 11:57

Always one what? Who questions the assumption that this is about public sector workers when it's just about someone who is lazy.

Original poster
Jolleigh · 30/12/2013 11:57

It's not really about public vs private sector TheGreatHunt.

As a previous poster quite rightly said, it equates to fraud. I likened it to MPs claiming false expenses when I was trying to explain why she was in the wrong.

OP posts:
Original poster
Jolleigh · 30/12/2013 11:58

No...one who questions whether the poster is a troll.

OP posts:
Original poster
Jolleigh · 30/12/2013 12:00

I'm not assuming anything about public sector workers. In fact, my OP attempted to skirt around my DM working in the public sector.

OP posts:
pixiepotter · 30/12/2013 12:01

Well I don't knowe it kind of depends what the other, of her many gripes were.If her employers have screwed her over royally in other areas then I think you need to get down off your high horse

SolomanDaisy · 30/12/2013 12:05

You should probably warn her that claiming for petrol she hasn't used is gross misconduct. She will almost certainly be dismissed if she is caught.

limitedperiodonly · 30/12/2013 12:09

Yes, of course you're right.

I couldn't have said anything to her though because I fiddle my expenses and have never bought a roll of Sellotape or a biro in my life.

I work in the private sector.

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