To be thinking about sacking a bridesmaid?

[wyldchyld]

Ugh......

I'm getting married in June (engaged last February) and am aged 22. I'm actually very chilled about the whole thing - apart from one bridesmaid who is now worrying me slightly...

I have three bridesmaids - my lovely 16 yo DSis who is my Chief BM and a total superstar, my godsister (23) who has known me donkeys years and has always been there despite not loads of contact, and another girl (23) who I met about 5 years ago and was very very close to aka BM3.

Here begineth trouble!

BM3 lives quite close to me whilst the others are further away yet I have less contact with her! We used to hang out and chat a lot. BUT it's all gone downhill and I'm considering asking her to back out. AIBU?

Firstly, she was REALLY difficult about her dress - "I don't do that style" or "I won't consider that colour". Then, we found the dresses and she was insistent she was a 12. Fair enough. Bought it - spent a month asking her to come try it so if it was no good, I could swap it within the warranty. She ignored the texts / calls. Finally came round - dress miles too small and said she wanted 16. Had to go and lie and eventually managed to swap the dress. No sweat, kept very calm.

Then got all 3 BMs to meet - had to go and pick her up and make it later in the day than planned as she'd decided to go visit a friend and "couldn't" rearrange. Friend lives 10 mins away and is unemployed.

Then, invited her to come and try on her dress with my and DSis when I tried on my dress to see how they looked, and arranged to drive her. Arranged a time for her to get to mine - no show - rang and rang and was v. nearly late - she eventually answered and said she's decided to go into work for overtime.

FINALLY tries second dress on and very overly critical about dress being miles too big - fits like a glove.

Anyway, can live with all that but she has now suddenly gone silent - keep inviting her round for tea, offering to meet up - she'll say she's at work doing the early shift so invite her for tea but she can't cause she's "working the late shift". Her office is locked at 8pm but she's "working til 11". I know for a fact she can't.

I don't expect her to do BM chores or anything weird like that but to keep in touch would be nice... or to reply to calls / texts / FB messages / anything! She claims she's not going out and just at work constantly but is constantly tagged / photographed out with friends and won't make time for me.

We paid for expensive designer dresses for them on the proviso that they paid for their shoes and jewellery (£35 in total!) - I texted her to remind her - no reply. Again.

Soon to be DH and DM (And DSis) have said try talking to her but consider ditching... I feel like a total bridezilla! She also throws a strop at the drop of a hat and is very attention seeking - particularly after a drink, which she likes a few of!

Sorry for the long post but I feel really torn... We've got a very big, fancy venue which we are travelling a long way to because it has family significance and I don't want my day being stressed by her.

landrover - she doesn't answer! Ever haha.

Julia - she's probably about a 12 but the dresses are a little bit small. She looks absolutely no different that the others - one is in a 10 and the other is in an 8 (total twiglet) but the dresses are very flattering and even she said she looked really slim in them.

Decision has been made to try meet up with her and discuss. Unfortunately, DFiancé has been ill and very kindly passed it on to me so we've not been in action. General consensus is that we don't want her to be a BM anymore regardless... on consideration, she probably wasn't a great choice. She's drinking constantly now and when she drinks, she's a horrible drunk (loud, obnoxious, tendency to strip off etc, then crying and vomiting) and has mentioned she's looking forward to letting her hair down and having a party at the evening do...

But we're going to talk about it... Will probably kill the friendship =( she is very touchy - I remember telling her that she'd missed the back of her head when she'd dyed her hair once and got the screaming abdabs in return - despite offering to help her dye it again

I asked two friends to be my BMs, the lead up to the wedding did make me regret my decision but I kept them, after the fiasco of my hen do and their unsupportive ness when I was off work ill, I knew it was a mistake, then they got the hump with me because I didn't arrange their transport home from the reception (somewhere local to where we lived, not faraway).

I think I saw them once or twice after and things seemed awkward. I ditched them and now I do look at my wedding photos with regret.

Ditch her! She doesn't deserve it for the unnecessary runaround she is giving you. You will look back at your wedding photos and remember this, plus it sounds like she is likely to be a bother at your reception!

Get rid of her unless you like the face like a smacked arse look.

Well, you obviously need to talk to her.

As for "sacking" her, that attitude irks me - you are not employing her. Presumably, you asked her to be BM because she was your friend?

I do see she is being unhelpful. I think your comments about her job and "finding" herself are rather catty. Your reference to her friend's unemployment just comes across as patronising.

I don't get this idea that bms are there to work for the bride - sure, they can help out, but my bms just showed up on the day and had (I hope!) a good time.

As for the dresses etc - I agree with those who say you should have paid for the lot. Why are you expecting them to fork out for jewellery? £35 is a lot of money when you factor on costs of travel, hen parties etc.

Factor in