To think this complaint against myself and a co worker is ridiculous?

[Lovebargains]

I work in an office with 5 people, all women. On the day in question, I was in the office with one of the women. Another colleague came in and excitedly talked about how her and were husband were going to try for a baby. This was particularly good news for her as she had some serious gynaecological problems in her early twenties and she was told she may never be able to have children. She had just been given the all clear. We spent some time talking about children. The woman who I share an office with stayed silent, didn't turn around from her PC and then just walked away and didn't come back until the colleague had gone. I didn't think too much of it.

Later my line manager called me to a meeting and said the woman in my office had made a complaint against me because I had been chatting to my colleague about pregnancy and children and she felt we were both very insensitive as she can't meet anyone and is unlikely to have children because of her age. Luckily my line manager didn't take it too seriously but I am astounded that someone can complain about this? We did not seek to offend her or anyone. It was simply sharing some good news.

AIBU to think the woman in my office had no right to complain about this?

I don't believe the office...during office hours is a suitable place for such talk. Basically, you were chatting while others were trying to get work done. I think that's highly unreasonable on your part. Save the inane chit chat for your lunch break or after work!

On the other hand, your office mate was/is obviously struggling with some real issues and as such found your chat rather insensitive.

Issues aside, I find office mates chit-chatting over anything other than work quite annoying. It's difficult for some people to concentrate in shared offices.

Line manager is fine with people chatting. The complainant herself on many occasions has spent many an hour chatting with a colleague about non work related matters. I have just got on with my work, I have not complained about her chatting or the content of her chatting

Having worked in mostly female, healthcare environments for all of my working life - I can honestly say that there has been NOTHING that hasn't been discussed! It is U to expect people not to bring their personal lives into the workplace, especially one that is high pressured and involves long hours. However, it is also reasonable to expect that people are sensitive to subjects that might upset other people. One of my close colleagues lost her DP through suicide last summer and she is still devastated. In a surgery you sometimes do have patients that kill themselves - so we make sure that this is never discussed around her and that she never has to deal with any significant events that involve suicide. It's just being sensitive to other people's feelings really. But then, if someone doesn't tell me, or anyone else, that there is a situation that upsets them, then how are we all supposed to know?

Well. It's a little bit inappropriate to wander into an office and start gabbing about how you're planning to shag your husband regardless of the parental status of anyone else present. Do people actually do that? I mean, yes, tell people when you're knocked up but why tell them prior to that?

FudgefaceMcZ - so it would only be appropriate to talk about TTC if everyone present was a parent?

This is all a bit odd to me. The way the manager presented the complaint to you sounds a bit too informal, the colleague seems to have slightly over reacted and the ttc woman should probably save conversations about shagging for elsewhere.
When I was struggling to conceive with all the tools that science could offer me, having had a miscarriage, I found excited pregnant people a bit hard to take especially the one in my team who knew I'd had a miscarriage. However. You just get on with it and fake being ok.
I now have children and I'm afraid I'd still want someone to STFU about private information like ttc. I think these over-sharers need to get over themselves.

FudgefaceMcZ, because these people are their friends, perhaps? Friendships do happen in offices. I have had many, some of which faltered after I no longer worked there and others that have outlasted the workplace by a good 20 years.

Woman needs to grow up and stop expecting the world to revolve around her. FFS.

And I say that having had a silent mc discovered during a scan, and a few months later a colleague came into the office thrilled with her first scan picture. I joined in the hugs, congratulations and then went and had the flashbacks and tears in a cupboard until I could pull it together. I would not have dreamed of spoiling her pleasure in such fantastic news.

i would speak to the woman directly and say " If I do something which you consider offensive, try talking to me about it first"

what is going to happen is this

your line manager whilst being buddy buddy with you - can also tell the complainant that she has 'had a word with you'

which makes it look like a valid complaint.

I would want my line manager to speak to her about the severity of complaining about colleagues and the impact which this has

most managers are shithouses when it comes to confrontation

in her shoes, i would have told the complainant whilst i understood her upset, she cannot make a complaint or ask me to speak about it with you, that she should herself come to you first

But she doesn't have to go to the OP and friend first. She's perfectly fine to approach her manager if she doesn't feel comfortable approaching OP.

"We spent some time talking about children." If the 'some time' was spent gushing about the wonders that a child brings to your life, and how they don't understand someone who wouldn't want children, and possibly the phrase 'life is just not complete until you have a child' or 'you don't know real love until you've had a child' then I can see how that may be upsetting. If the 'some time' was spent bemoaning the sleepless nights, the constant mess, the temper tantrums and the inanity of being forced to watch Peppa Pig over and over, then she may not have been quite so upset.

We were not gushing over children. It was more that the TTC woman would now be able to start TTC after many years of horrendous gynaecological problems which involved endless operations. Neither myself nor the TTC woman knew that the complainant was devastated by her lack of partner and children

Where does it end? Everything could be an issue for someone. Should someone who is religious not talk about religion in front of atheist? Should someone who loves food not talk about it in front of someone on a diet? Should someone not eat chocolate or smoke in front of someone trying to give it up? We can't know which issues affect people unless they say. I do not bring up the issue myself with the complainant anymore but the other women in the office do discuss their partners and children. As far as I know no other complaints have been made but I could be wrong

I think the complaint can't be supported, but I am goggling at the idea of a trying to conceive conversation at work. Boundaries, people, boundaries.

The TTC woman was not talking about positions and explicit detail. It was simply she has had the all clear and can now start trying for a baby. I wasn't going to tell her about observing boundaries

I am sure she wasn't talking about positions. All I can say in my office noboby but nobody would have a conversation about ttc. It just goes to show how differnt workplaces are.

We're quite open in my workplace, but I would think TTC is a relatively tame topic anyway. You're hardly going on about having sex you're just saying you're trying for a baby.

I'm only in an office the odd day now doing paperwork, but used to be 9-5.

I'm thankful because we've all ended up really good friends, in both places.

And this woman could have potentially put something on the OP and her co-workers work record, something that could have damaged her position. All because she felt uncomfortable with something that should be able to be discussed.

I think it's bloody disgusting if you look at it from that point of view. Just because she feels bitter about lost chances of motherhood doesn't mean you should get someone into trouble over it.

God you hear more in my workplace! I work in a healthcare setting and we are (by and large) friends as well as colleagues. It would be absolutely crappy if we couldn't chat about what's happening outside and why we might be having a crappy day (or are in a really good mood).

My parents are dead. Maybe I'll ban everyone from talking about parents in front of me. Burst into tears if someone says they were round their mother's for Sunday lunch.

rumbleinthrjungle That is lovely of you to be pleased for that woman even though it was a really difficult time you were going through

I think this woman is in the wrong. Life happens, and you can't cut out what is actually a big part of life just because she is single and childless.

My own line manager encourages me to go and chat to the other team members. I'm new(ish, 4 months now) and he wants me to get on and build relationships with the others to encourage a more cohesive team. I don't abuse that but as my desk is a little away from their block I do make the effort to get up and talk now and again.

As for the poster asking about the Civil Service LEAN stuff, it basically boils down to how the senior managers can make the staff have their noses to the grindstone from the moment they walk in to the moment they leave, in the interests of efficiency. Thank god I left the civil service 2 years ago.

I never got a pony for my birthday despite repeated requests and pointed leaving of Pullein Thompson books out as examples. I didn't realise banning my colleagues from discussing ponies and birthdays was an option, those gloating sods.

YANBU.

Well at least you know to avoid the topic next time.