To think this complaint against myself and a co worker is ridiculous?

[Lovebargains]

I work in an office with 5 people, all women. On the day in question, I was in the office with one of the women. Another colleague came in and excitedly talked about how her and were husband were going to try for a baby. This was particularly good news for her as she had some serious gynaecological problems in her early twenties and she was told she may never be able to have children. She had just been given the all clear. We spent some time talking about children. The woman who I share an office with stayed silent, didn't turn around from her PC and then just walked away and didn't come back until the colleague had gone. I didn't think too much of it.

Later my line manager called me to a meeting and said the woman in my office had made a complaint against me because I had been chatting to my colleague about pregnancy and children and she felt we were both very insensitive as she can't meet anyone and is unlikely to have children because of her age. Luckily my line manager didn't take it too seriously but I am astounded that someone can complain about this? We did not seek to offend her or anyone. It was simply sharing some good news.

AIBU to think the woman in my office had no right to complain about this?

Baubles no more like you 2 get on and do your work. All 3 behaved badly.

Crikey, wouldn't want to work in these offices where you're expected to limit personal conversation to "break times". Totally with you, Baubles. This is why my office is staffed with people who've been there more than ten years, and we get through the workload with a lean staffing roster and plenty of high-level customer satisfaction to boot.

I do wonder if the offended lady felt left out of the conversation, though, and indulged in a slightly spiteful (even if she didn't really think of it as such) bit of payback.

How ridiculous.

Although I appreciate that's open to interpretation.

There are environments where non work conversation isn't permitted during work time at all. LEAN projects in the Civil Service, for example.

the woman in my office had made a complaint against me because I had been chatting to my colleague about pregnancy and children and she felt we were both very insensitive as she can't meet anyone and is unlikely to have children because of her age.

thats a whole list of thing you cant talk about:

age
partners
dating
pregnancy
joint mortgages
family

I'm afraid your colleague need a grip - a whole box of them - the world does not stop revolving because she can't find a partner to procreate with. If she were that bothered she'd get IVF from the internet and go it alone.

no more like you 2 get on and do your work. All 3 behaved badly

seems more like a dictatorship rather than a good working environment. we're not in work houses anymore y'know

Hi ilovesooty, yes, I imagine there's plenty of environments like that: and presumably if the OP worked in that type of environment, she'd observe that norm. I just find it a bit odd that people are reacting as if they'd been discussing whether or not they'd do anal. In an office occupied at that moment by three women, saying that you';ve got the all clear to ttc doesn't seem unusual to me, and that's based on experience of a few workplaces. I accept that my experience is not universal, though!

Same here mrssteptoe

Sounds like a few people on here

Yes! Is she a Mumsnetter, OP?

I think it's difficult to tell what kind of working environment it is from the information but the complaint of being offended seems OTT to me. I work in a very informal, open plan mixed office so I doubt anyone would share anything so personal.

I'd hate to work in a women only office though.

Ours used to be far more dominated by women. It is much improved for a bit of rebalancing, tho it's still majority female.

I just can't believe that people actually make announcements like that in work! I have never, ever come across anything like that and I have worked for many years. If I head someone say that I would think 'what a twit'. That is a personal decision and topic and not one for the water cooler, no?

I just don't think this happened - I don't mean, OP, you are lying, as I don't think that at all but I do suspect that what actually happened was that the woman said something along the lines of 'a group of women were going on and on about somebody trying for a baby, I felt a bit excluded because I'm single, and even if I met somebody now having a baby at my age isn't likely!'

It probably wasn't even a complaint but a passing comment probably in response to 'how do you find working with X Y and Z?' or 'how are you settling in?'

I honestly doubt she put in a formal complaint: someone prepared to do that (when it's obvious where it came from!) probably won't be backwards about coming forwards and would probably have told you all to shut up there and then!

Again, that word announcement. Semantics, maybe, but it does somewhat colour any visualisation of how this scene actually played out. Replace "make announcements like that" with "mention this very exciting development in their life to their friend in the office while someone else is sitting a few feet away" and then wonder whether it's so totally incredible.

I would hate to work in your offices. 4 men and 3 women in mine. We work really hard. But also chat about just about every subject: football, current affairs, children everything.

Absolutely, Oblomov. Although benefits is a topic we've all learned to STFU about owing to a divergence of opinion between two rather vocal colleagues!

It is extremely annoying in an open plan environment in core working hours to hear people wittering on about stuff they could easily discuss on a coffee or lunch break. And I say that from the point of view of until recently an employee and now an employer.

If the other employee did complain she is being over sensitive but that doesn't follow OP and her chum were not in the wrong, just not for the reason they think.

So Caitlin do you expect silence in your place of work? If it doesn't have an affect on work what difference does it make? It might annoy you, but perhaps you should learn some tolerance if people's conversations bother you that much.

What a lovely environment

I couldn't imagine being sat at a desk for 8/9 (maybe more) hours working in silence. In fact I wouldn't do it.

I think it largely depends on whether you'd previously been told that this colleague finds this a sensitive subject.

If not, YANBU. You can't be expected to know that she'd find a conversation about children upsetting unless she's told you so before.

When my colleague announced his wife's pregnancy and therefore his impending fatherhood, our matriarchal boss asked him not to talk about it as someone (more senior and more favoured than him but in a completely different office) was having difficulty conceiving and might be upset at his good news. She didn't name the colleague but we did know who she was as she'd talked openly about her difficulties, and the father-to-be would have been sensitive around her. But effectively he was banned from talking about his big life event on the offchance that someone else might have been upset.

Is this all affected by the size of people's offices? I work in a large open plan which is underpopulated for the floor space (it just worked out that way). So I don't feel oppressed by other people chatting, even if they're close to me. (Unless they're talking to me, and I don't want them to.) Maybe OP works in a small room and it bugged the complainer? Though I sitll think she should have just told them to pipe down or take it to the kitchen rather than moaning to their manager.

Not everyone would feel comfortable speaking up to colleagues and may think a discreet (discrete? I always get it wrong) word from the manager would work better.

YANBU you are not a mindreader.
However maybe the woman was just finding a way flagging up that she finds these topics distressing , rather than compalaining IYKWIM
Great , now you know.DRaw a line under it and move on.

Fair point, buffy. I'm happy now, Chelsea are 2-1 up. They were 1-0 down before.