Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3

Original poster

To hope only kids we invite to dc party will come?

60 replies

nothingbyhalves · 28/12/2013 20:56

Dc birthday party next week. We've invited all their class. A mother sent me a text asking if she can bring both her children. I'm unsure of what is normal in these circumstances, but if all kids bring siblings we'll be buggered! Aibu to say no?

OP posts:

muddyprints · 28/12/2013 20:58

If it's in a hall a lot bring siblings, upto you if you do extra party bags etc.
At softplay the siblings come and their parents pay for them and they don't get party food.
At your house I would just say no as there isn't room.

Annunziata · 28/12/2013 21:00

How rude! You can't just have a child sitting there with no food and then you feel obliged to let them join in, and then you are spending more of your own money on a child you don't know!

Say no.

MerylStrop · 28/12/2013 21:03

What muddy said
If its a hall, so what, the more the merrier
If its soft play/special activity, then the correct form is for the parent to pay for their extra kid but preferably to make alternative childcare arrangements.
If the invitee is 5+ a breezy text back saying numbers don't permit but feel free to drop and run type thing....

HappyMummyOfOne · 28/12/2013 21:03

Say no but they are welcome to drop and run as school aged children usually fine with this.

Its only fair on the birthday child to have guests that they invited rather than a number of add ons. Nobody brings siblings here unless actually invited but i know from MN that people dont think twice about turning up with extra children.

Original poster

nothingbyhalves · 28/12/2013 21:05

It is in local rugby club, we are paying for a hot meal for each child. Enough room, but if everyone else follows suit will significantly bump up the cost, which we haven't budgeted for.

OP posts:

HoratiaDrelincourt · 28/12/2013 21:08

At least she asked... Be prepared for others not to bother, but to dump the rowdy siblings and leg it before you notice

Original poster

nothingbyhalves · 28/12/2013 21:12

It's a 4 year's party, I had hoped at that age parents would stick around. They usually do.

OP posts:

Ilovemydogandmydoglovesme · 28/12/2013 21:30

Just tell her what you've told us. It's paid for meals and you can't have anyone extra as the venue won't have food allocated.

Hulababy · 28/12/2013 21:41

Tell her that he is welcome to be present at the party with his mum. However your budget only permits the invited children to take part, etc. However, she can order a hot meal for the sibling at xxxx amount.

Tall her that unfortuantely you cannot accomodate siblings this year due to party numbers already being agreed with the venue, but that she is welcome to leave the invited child with you with an emergency contact number if she needs to.

I always made sure I had sufficient adults helping me for all DD's parties - just incase.

cakebar · 28/12/2013 22:38

muddy's comments are right but you have made it awkward for yourself if you want a parent to stay but no siblings...... If it's a 4 year old party (so there will be 3 and 4 year olds there then people will bring siblings without checking as they are too young to be left.

steppemum · 28/12/2013 22:57

well, you want parents to stay, but you don't want siblings. For me that combination was usually not possible.

I do not expect siblings to come. I would text back and say sorry all meals are booked and paid for now.
But at the pre-school age 4 parties dd2 went to, most parents didn't stay. I certainly didn't as dd was happy for me not to. I always assumed they wouldn't and planned accordingly (but never minded if they did stay)

Whathaveiforgottentoday · 28/12/2013 23:45

I would say fine to come but not for food and obviously no party bag (don't need to tell them about the party bag but best to mention the food). I often had to take to DD2 along when DD1 went to a party. I wouldn't expect food or party bag and if it was in a playcentre, I would pay for dd2 separately. Sometimes it isn't convenient to come without the sibling.

GwendolineMaryLacey · 28/12/2013 23:46

We had this last week. 25 children invited, 32 party bags handed out. And dd2 didn't have a seat at her own sister's party because older siblings of guests has their bums wedged on seats and were munching all the food. I don't know what you can say, I couldn't exactly kick them out of the seats.

justtoomessy · 28/12/2013 23:48

Well people asked me if siblings could come along and i said yes but they wouldn't get party bag but I had buffet. So in your situation say they can come along but no food or party bag will be provided as you ave only catered for DS friends.

seafoodudon · 28/12/2013 23:54

Oh dear. This was me a few weeks ago. Dd1 invited to a 3rd birthday party. I texted to see if I was meant to stay, and when told yes, texted to ask if OK if I also brought dd2. Alternative was for dd1 to miss it or for me to pay for sitter for dd2. Not very easy on a Saturday pm. Not massively enthusiastic reply, but in the end I got there and 4 out of the 6 3yos had younger siblings there.

goldenlula · 28/12/2013 23:55

At ds1's party recently I said siblings could stay but that as I wasn't doing a buffet this time (did lunch boxes and got parents to let me know what roll filling their child wanted) they were more than welcome to bring their younger child a packed lunch to eat. One parent did this and the child sat with everyone eating his own lunch and joined in the coaching we had organised.
Maybe reply that yes the sibling can stay bug they will need to provide either their food either by way of a packed lunch or paying for a meal.

Tinkertaylor1 · 28/12/2013 23:59

Who made up the rulz???

Dreading dd2 parts when she gets older! Already fending off MILs suggestions for dd2 ip 1 yr party

ChatNicknameUnavailable · 29/12/2013 00:16

I think it's harsh to say asking to bring a sibling is 'rude'.

My ds's are 5 and 3. If one gets invited to a party on a Sunday that's fine as dh is off work and can keep the other ds at home.
If a party invite comes for a Saturday though, they either both go or neither can as I have no one else to babysit.

I have text the party organiser a number of times to see if it's ok to bring the other ds but always offer to pay for entry/a meal etc. No one's ever said no so it can't be that unreasonable to ask.

hedwiggywiggerson · 29/12/2013 00:18

I agree with Whathave.

I haven't had or been to a party yet where siblings haven't tagged along. No food or party bag for them but they're welcome to play, it often isn't feasible to leave a sibling with a sitter nor would I be happy leaving my under 6 at a party without me.

If it's not going to cost you to have an extra child in the room then say they can tag along but food has already been organised for invitees only. I think that's fair enough.

BackforGood · 29/12/2013 00:32

I've never taken any of mine to a party they are not invited to, and I've never had any dc turn up uninvited, or be asked if they can bring extra siblings.
I don't know if it's just a MN thing, or a very recent times thing (mine are teens), or some kind of geographical thing.
That said, I've never expected parents to stay at parties I've hosted - I feel it's my responsibility as host to invite only as many children as I can muster enough adults to look after.
I'd certainly answer no, but then I've never expected parents to stay.

Earlspearl · 29/12/2013 00:36

Only taken siblings by invite

ChatNicknameUnavailable · 29/12/2013 00:38

I'd find it strange to be asked to drop off at a soft play setting. I wouldn't even consider it tbh, not for at least another couple of years.

Earlspearl · 29/12/2013 00:38

Say you are really sorry but you are saying no to siblings as you are doing a cooked meal.

GhoulWithADragonTattoo · 29/12/2013 00:42

I'd let the sibling come assuming there is space but say there won't be any food for him / the mum will have to pay for his meal if she wants him to eat.

I've definitely had to ask if I could bring my DS along to parties that my DD has been invited to. If my DH is working or away it can't really be helped as I don't have any family to leave him with.

FrankAndFurt · 29/12/2013 00:46

It's not rude to ask and it's not rude to say no. I would normally say no as it can be a pain to have a load of extra kids at a party. I would always offer to look after the invited kid if the parent can't stay.

The main thing with kids parties is for the invites to be crystal clear about the details. If you want parents to stay then say so and of you do or don't mind siblings staying say so... etc

Flip

1 2 3