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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To hope only kids we invite to dc party will come?

60 replies

nothingbyhalves · 28/12/2013 20:56

Dc birthday party next week. We've invited all their class. A mother sent me a text asking if she can bring both her children. I'm unsure of what is normal in these circumstances, but if all kids bring siblings we'll be buggered! Aibu to say no?

OP posts:
BarbarianMum · 29/12/2013 20:31

I think neither party (host and guest) should expect to put the cost up for the other.

So guests cannot bring extra siblings if doing so means extra food/party bag/entrance fee.

Likewise, hosts cannot expect parents to pay for a sitter for additional children. So if parents are expected to stay, then some leeway should be made for those with extra children but no childcare.

So, in OP's case either yes bring them but need to pay for an extra meal/bring food or,

no, sorry, but please feel free to drop and run.

3bunnies · 29/12/2013 20:32

seafoodudon generally around here it is only an issue with 4th & 5th parties when they want nursery friends or class friends instead of your friends. For example dd1 wanted to invite the whole class bar two boys but we persuaded her in the end she shared her party with another girl. In her class of 30 there were a further 40 siblings. To invite all children and siblings would be 70 children. Fortunately from reception many children are just dropped off - after all they spend most of their week without their parents in the same group of children so generally are fine. Others had one parent while the others were looked after by their partners so the numbers with siblings were small.

You also don't need to go to every party, maybe plan to just go to the soft play ones - no one has ever objected as long as you pay for the siblings and any food they eat. You will be amazed how quickly they are able to do things independently if you let them.

olivo · 29/12/2013 20:33

Wow, I am realistic I have been lucky with parties!! I always have to take the other sibling, but never ever expect food or party bag or even for her to join in,thwt's why the iPad was invent edGrin

I have been in the unfortunate position of having 2 incredibly shy DDs, who would not be left until nearly 7. Thankfully, parents would rather they joined in and I and the other DD stayed, than missed out. Dd2 is 4 and I still stay. I would envisage that for another 2 yrs. I would be sad if I thought it was ever a problem.

Rhubarbgarden · 29/12/2013 20:49

I was shocked recently when dd (3 years old) was invited to a party and I asked if it was ok to take ds (18 months) along as I had no-one to leave him with, and the host said no "because it's a fairy party". I'm still not sure whether she had an issue with numbers or she genuinely thought a fairy party was inappropriate for boys. Hmm

It was the first time I've come across someone not being willing to accommodate younger siblings at a party. I've always assumed younger siblings would come to the parties I've thrown and have similarly assumed it's ok to take ds to others' parties.

This thread has been an eye opener.

NicknameIncomplete · 29/12/2013 21:06

We never had this issue growing up. I am one of many and we never assumed that we were invited to a siblings friends birthday but then neither did parents stay at parties.

I dont see what is wrong with asking a parent if my other dc could come however i would make it clear that i will be paying for them.

lljkk · 29/12/2013 21:28

yr4 or party for 4yos?
I don't mind younger siblings in situations where I don't really pay any extra for them. If it would mean you out of pocket, then tell parents that they can't.

BakedAlaskaStomper · 29/12/2013 21:36

Dont understand why parent can't just drop child and bring sibling away with them; it's what I always did. I never expected sib to be included; its good for kids to get used to their sibs having different lives, diff. things to do etc.) Another trick is to ask around for a lift to party; that way no room for sib. (If sib getting upset is the problem)
I noticed that some people who organised parties used to contact me about lifts; they would have a few cars arranged with the helping adults. I now know why they did this - to stop the innundation of siblings ...
Plink ... sound of late penny dropping

BakedAlaskaStomper · 29/12/2013 21:39

However, if the situation is one in which the parent is staying, then of course the sibs need to be with; as a single parent in a city the opposite side of the country from my family, I have often been out on a limb on weekends as regards daytime babysitting, so have had to bring other kids; but wouldn't let them sit there munching younger kids food / taking over party

Hercule · 29/12/2013 22:14

When my Dh has been away and one of my three has had a birthday invite, if they were too young for me to leave them there I could usually find a friend or two who could help out with the others. It's only for a couple of hours. Unless sibling is too little to be left with a friend ( a baby say) in which case it wouldn't be a problem taking them as they wouldn't be joining in the party and could just nibble on some snacks on mum's lap.

Shouldn't really take siblings to a party unless whole families are friendly-if birthday child doesn't know the siblings why should they be expected to invite them to their party?

FrankAndFurt · 30/12/2013 00:43

How about replying that you are happy fir the sibling to come along as your DC will love to receive an extra present.

I am joking, sort of Grin

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