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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To consider maths tuition for a seven yr old?

71 replies

Thatballwasin · 28/12/2013 16:58

DD has been struggling a bit for a while but am I being a twat for considering? Would it place her under pressure? I feel like I'm not helping as I always found maths easy and I sometimes end up losing my temper when I try to help her which I know risks pissing all over her self confidence . Would I be better just leaving well alone?

OP posts:

whoneedssleepanyway · 28/12/2013 17:01

I have been thinking same thing. It hasn't clicked with DD1 and I am feeling she is falling behind as she hasn't grasped the basics. Am investigating a halfway house which is a sort of group session at a local place.

ChatNicknameUnavailable · 28/12/2013 17:02

At 7 I would say yabu.

The maths they're expected to do at that age is very basic - as long as you don't really struggle with simple maths yourself the best person to help her is you, and the best way for that to happen is for you to work on your patience.

I don't mean that to sound off! I struggle with patience myself! But at 7, yes I do think a tutor is far too pushy.

livinginhope1 · 28/12/2013 17:02

i would look at enrolling in kumon or similar maths programmes.
My son was seven/eight, and i enrolled him in kumon.
It is a little expensive but worth it in my humble opinion.

WorraLiberty · 28/12/2013 17:03

Have you spoken to her teacher about your concerns?

JonSnowKnowsNothing · 28/12/2013 17:03

No you certainly aren't being a twat.
I currently tutor a little girl aged seven and the difference in her is incredible in just three months. In the first lessons she was unbelievably reluctant to have a go, guess or try unfamiliar things... But her confidence has just bloomed. Tutoring doesn't magically "cure" children or make them into maths whizzes but it really can help.

Please, please don't lose your temper while helping her - it really will knock her and make her even more reluctant to ask for help if needed.

If you're serious about tuition, find a friendly tutor who your daughter feels comfortable with. I don't know why there are snidely comments about tuition sometimes - it's simply giving children the 1:1 support you love, as a teacher, to give to all children all the time.

Flossiechops · 28/12/2013 17:06

We were in the same dilemma 12 months ago but dd was slightly older at (just turned 9). She was moved down a group in her Maths and was really losing confidence. In large class sizes of 30 we felt she was being lost as she is a pretty quiet child. She has been attending a Maths tutor group (groups of 4 children) for the past 12 months and its the best thing we could of done for her. Her confidence has rocketed and her school report at the end of the last academic year reflected her rise in confidence in the subject. The tutor is not pushy at all and neither are we as parents so she has never felt under pressure, the only outcome has been nothing but a positive one.

WaffilyVersatile · 28/12/2013 17:06

Have you tried mathletics?

AgentZigzag · 28/12/2013 17:08

What does she think about the idea?

What's her teacher said about how she's getting on?

I would say you'd be better off trying to keep your cool to do it yourself. I struggle to keep mine too if DD gets frustrated and gets that far away look in her eye showing that she's not listening any more but you're there all the time to point stuff out related to it in everyday life and answer any questions (should you be lucky enough to get any).

Could you look on google to see if there are any 'props' you could use to illustrate WTF you're going on about? I'm just teaching the basics to 4 YO DD2 with smarties and it's going swimmingly

RedHelenB · 28/12/2013 17:08

I would actually, cos a lot of it could be down to lack of confidence. A good tutor will help with this & find out where her "sticking" points are. If the basics aren't properly understood then it only gets harder. Choose a tutor with care though & if dd really doesn't want to do it don't waste your/her time & money.

LibraryBook · 28/12/2013 17:10

I don't see what's wrong with a tutor if you can't teach her yourself and her school are failing to teach her. So long as it's the right sort of tutor, someone who makes maths palatable and understandable rather than someone who makes it stressful and reinforces her sense of difficulty with the subject.

Good luck.

Original poster

Thatballwasin · 28/12/2013 17:11

Yes, it was her teacher that brought it up. I hadn't noticed previously as i didn't really know where she 'should' be but she's been moved down a group in her class and I've now noticed that she doesn't seem to have grasped some things that are really very basic. What's also brought it home is when other kids have come over and they've been doing things like counting Monopoly money, the other kids are quickly doing basic addition that I know DD would struggle with (when playing she lets them get on with it). Her teacher is very nice but pretty strict and DD has told me she finds it hard to time it right to get her attention.

OP posts:

whoneedssleepanyway · 28/12/2013 17:13

I have tried mathletics which has helped. I did speak to teacher who seemed oblivious but did subsequently watch her closely for a week. My DD was struggling to add up in 10s when they has been being originally taught this a year ago. I am reading a book at moment about primary teachers and maths so I can help more but really think my DD would benefit from closer attention

alwaysneedaholiday · 28/12/2013 17:17

We have had tutoring for 2 of our DCs from age 7 and I would recommend it. They have both gained so much confidence along with simply seeing basic numeracy much more clearly.

One teacher told us that if they get behind this stage it is very difficult to catch up. In fact, DD only did one year and that was enough for her to then maintain the momentum.

Original poster

Thatballwasin · 28/12/2013 17:20

I have Mathletics on the ipad as I thought I might help and my DNs love it. It doesn't seem to be helping DD though. I don't know if I'm missing something but it seems to just be sums etc and if DD can't do those I don't see that it's going to help her much.

DD2 is going to be starting school this year and am a bit concerned she's going to catch up with DD1 really quickly as she seem more numerate. I think this would upset DD1.

OP posts:

WorraLiberty · 28/12/2013 17:21

The school is failing her though.

I'd have a word with the Head. Most decent Heads would be embarrassed to think a parent had to resort to paying for decent tuition which the school should provide for free.

But if that fails or you think the Head won't listen, then YANBU.

JonSnowKnowsNothing · 28/12/2013 17:25

How can you possibly come to that conclusion, worra?
You know nothing about the support the girl is receiving or what her particular issues around maths are.

All teachers would love to spend as much 1:1 time as possible helping all the children in their class, but it's physically impossible.

The fact remains, despite the maximum input a teacher can give an individual child,some children just aren't in a place to "get it yet." I think your assertion that the school is "failing" the girl is really inappropriate considering the information given.

JonSnowKnowsNothing · 28/12/2013 17:26

Most decent Heads would be embarrassed to think a parent had to resort to paying for decent tuition which the school should provide for free.
This is utter rubbish, as well. Most decent head recognise that parents will spend their money where they choose and if it benefits the children's confidence, skills and ultimately levels, then all the better.

starlight1234 · 28/12/2013 17:39

I got my DS (6) to go to Kip Mcgrath for writting ( they also do maths ) as he had an inbuilt belief he couldn't write. It was a so worthwhile..he only went for a term but it now means he is happy to write around the house and doesn't believe he can't write

Original poster

Thatballwasin · 28/12/2013 17:41

Any thoughts about Kumon? I see there are a few places on the area but DD might benefit more from short 1:1 sessions covering specific problems at school rather than being part if what looks like a seperate programme.

I don't really feel her teacher is failing her. I appreciate there are 30 kids in the class and she has spotted the problem. I am concerned that if DD can't grasp the basics soon she'll fall further behind and start thinking of maths as being something she can't do. I know so many adults who claim to be rubbish at maths and tell me how much they hated it at school and I have wondered how much of this stemmed from confusion at a young age they never overcame.

OP posts:

WooWooOwl · 28/12/2013 17:42

If you think it will help, then go for it.

'Tutor' seems to have become a dirty word as if parents who use one are doing a bad job of parenting. It's wierd.

I don't think it should be something that parents need to feel so much angst over. If you think it will help your child and you can afford it, then I don't see how it could possibly be a bad thing.

The point about putting pressure on a child doesn't make sense to me. It's not nice struggling with a subject and falling behind your peers even when you're trying, and I'd say allowing that to happen is worse than telling a child that they need to improve in an area that is fundamental to a good education and doing what you can to help them.

JonSnowKnowsNothing · 28/12/2013 17:45

'Tutor' seems to have become a dirty word as if parents who use one are doing a bad job of parenting. It's wierd.
Absolutely, Woowoo, i don't get it either!

MagratGarlik · 28/12/2013 17:49

Absolutely nothing wrong with having a tutor to support your DD's learning. This should be done in a fun way so that she sees the subject as something enjoyable, rather than a chore.

IME many parents ask for help, not because they don't have the subject knowledge to help themselves, but because they get frustrated trying to explain something they find easy to their DC. Sometimes dcs also find it easier to accept advice from someone else too.

Make sure you find someone who is familiar with the methods taught in school now as being taught conflicting approaches may confuse rather than help and ensure you get enough information from the school as to where help would be most needed so that the tutor can support the work which the school are doing already.

whoneedssleepanyway · 28/12/2013 17:49

I think you have a rose tinted view on things Worra. My DD's teacher doesn't have the time to provide extra one on one support in literacy, maths, writing etc to every child that may need it. They have told DH and I how we can do more with DD but like the OP says I get frustrated as maths came easily to me. I would happily invest in this if it helps get DD where she needs to be.

IfNotNowThenWhen · 28/12/2013 17:50

I'm going to do it next year for ds, as he has no confidence in maths, and I ,like you, have no patience (often because he refuses to try sometimes).
If you get behind in Maths, and miss vital basic stuff, you can't catch up, and ds wants to be a scientist (at the moment anyway) so he may really need his maths.
I'm getting a local science student, who has experience with kids.(cheap!) Basically, I think any one to one help is going to be useful.
I wish I had had extra help in Maths, as I understood nothing beyond age 12 and failed badly.

JonSnowKnowsNothing · 28/12/2013 17:54

Remember as well, OP, that a decent tutor will chat with your child during the sessions and find out more about her approach to maths in class.
"So, Lucy, if you'd had that question in class, how would you have tackled it? Do you see the different ways you can tackle it now we've done it together? And so on.

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