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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To consider maths tuition for a seven yr old?

71 replies

Thatballwasin · 28/12/2013 16:58

DD has been struggling a bit for a while but am I being a twat for considering? Would it place her under pressure? I feel like I'm not helping as I always found maths easy and I sometimes end up losing my temper when I try to help her which I know risks pissing all over her self confidence Sad. Would I be better just leaving well alone?

OP posts:
AnyFuckerForAMincePie · 28/12/2013 19:17

same here, SB. Many, many hours were wasted (that I will never get back) just saying "but it's sooooo simple, why don't you get it ?" < DD looks at wall, her fingernails, paint drying, anywhere but concentrate on what she is doing >

she is 18 now, and I consider all the time spent trying to coach her through stuff to be wasted

she was going to do it/was ready for it or she wasn't

the end

she is now receptive to maths tutoring as the penny has dropped (finally) and she knows this is her last strike

Oblomov · 28/12/2013 19:17

Whistleblower, do bog off dear. With your patronising and unhelpful comments.
Please jog on.
He is top of his class. His results, his homework, his teacher and his headmistress told me so. I don't actually want him top of his class. I don't like it. I just want him to be ok and more importantly confidant.
But he has sn. Aspergers. And is anxious and lacking in confidence.
He says he can't do fractions and probability.
The tutor will work with school, to improve his confidence.

Mumoftwoyoungkids · 28/12/2013 19:20

My mum used to be a primary school maths tutor. She had various types of people coming to her but her specialty was "young child struggling with maths, has lost all confidence and mum / dad can't help because they either loose patience or are explaining it different to the teacher"

She would generally go back to basics with them, play lots of maths games, give out stickers every time they got something right and generally give them an hour a week where maths was fun and they were really good at it. Usually there would be something that they had missed at age 4 / 5 which was leading to the problems. (Maths is like building a wall. If you miss a brick at some point the wall is going to fall down.)

It wasn't about trying to make the child a genius. It was about stopping a young child from spending their life believing that maths is too hard.

Oblomov · 28/12/2013 19:21

Oh and the reason why I'm hiring a tutor, despite being fantastic at maths and doing it for a job. Is because I am very ill.
So do F off whistleblower.

Oblomov · 28/12/2013 19:21

For ds1(10)

Iwillorderthefood · 28/12/2013 19:28

My 8 year has one, it's great she is so confident. I missed a lot in maths somehow, no idea how went to most of the lessons, but just did not get it, and even if I understood what was taught at the time, then promptly forgot it, and could not do anything I had been taught again. We wanted to try to prevent these types of holes developing. Nearly failed maths at 16, but was tutored at this point. I think it is worth it. Not understanding maths is a great handicap.

Whistleblower0 · 28/12/2013 20:03

I'm always disbelieving of parents who say that their children's teacher told them that their child is 'top of the class'. What a silly phrase! I know no teacher who would say this, and i know a fair few teachers..

WorraLiberty · 28/12/2013 20:08

I thought that nonsense only happened in the grammer school world!

Whistleblower, If your child attended a school that was happy to leave kids lagging behind because they either won't or cant provide the extra teaching, to bring them up to standard...what would you do?

If tutoring your child yourself wasn't working out, would you ignore their stuggling like the school is, or would you pay for private tutoring?

Lovecat · 28/12/2013 20:16

DD had some maths tutoring in the summer holidays last year (Y3/4) because she was totally lacking in confidence, calling herself stupid, saying it was 'no use' and giving us both that blank-eyed stare of 'I'm here but I'm not listening to you at all' when we tried to help. Like SB, there were tears and shouting from both sides.

Turns out she's massively dyslexic and has extreme processing problems with short term memory. Following the recommendations of her assessment we're now looking at getting specialist tuition and in-school assistance to help her cope.

When you see your child falling behind her class, drowning in her inability to understand, saying she'd rather die than go to school because she's 'so stupid' :( then you don't just wash your hands of the situation and say well some children just aren't as academic or whatever bollocks Whistleblower came out with (and with kids at the top of their classes you have NO idea of the damage to a child's confidence and self esteem that being at the bottom of the class can do), you do what can to get them help.

DD isn't stupid, or particularly less able- when she's in a 1 on 1 situation she totally gets it and is able to do the work - she just can't hold the concepts in her head from one lesson to the next. So to return to the OP, YANBU. Good luck :)

notanotherusername1 · 28/12/2013 20:19

Mumoftwoyoungkids. Your Mum sounds just like the Maths tutor my dd has. A truely wonderful lady that has more patience than anyone I know. Your ' maths is like building a wall ' statement is so true and my dc had missed a fair few bricks.

My dd will never be a maths whizz but she has a very good understanding of the basics now and has progressed at a great rate. She is a very quiet girl and was getting left behind in lessons due to fear of putting her hand up. We had more storming out of the kitchen and crying ( dd not me Grin ) than I want to remember. Of course she would never do that with a tutor.

Snowdown · 28/12/2013 20:21

And the foundations of that wall are the most important and all this bollocks with "they are too young for a tutor" does them no favours at all!

Oblomov · 28/12/2013 20:27

Sorry that it bothers you whistleblower. I'm sorry this was what I was told. And he has the top grades and top predictions , in his class. But not in the year, because there are 2 children in the other class who are higher.
The children know their grades and the grades if others.
I spoke to teacher, senco and head. Who all told me that there was nothing to worry about because he was top.
But I said I didn't care if he was top. I didn't want him top. What bothered me was his gaps and his lack of confidence.

Sorry this grates you so much. But it is the truth.

Oblomov · 28/12/2013 20:35

Lovecat, I too had ds1 saying he was "crap at maths. Hate it. Want to give it up" . "Want to die".

This is his anxiety of Aspergers speaking. But it hurts me terribly to hear him. Makes me cry. His confidence lacking . Sad
why whistleblowers Lack of understanding and empathy ( are you asd too whistleblower?
(No that's a joke . Too good for you. I shouldn't lower myself by comparing my lovely son and horrible you and using asd as a joke)

Liara · 28/12/2013 20:41

A good tutor will help to find the reasons that your daughter is struggling and make her confident and excited about the subject.

If you can afford it, by all means do it. Some children just need a little bit more attention than most teachers can manage in a group setting.

My sister goes to her dc's school and helps with those who have fallen behind. All it takes for most is a few sessions of one to one attention and they can catch up with the class and start enjoying it all over again.

Whistleblower0 · 28/12/2013 20:50

What a strange post Oblomov you sound a bit hysterical about the whole thing!

My dd has no idea of the grades of her classmates. It's not something they ever discuss., but then it is completely different in secondary school.

You certainly wont have teachers using phrases like 'top of the class'
Might be a bit of a culture shock for you!

SquinkiesRule · 28/12/2013 20:56

Dd was struggling at 6 and 7 so we had her use www.khanacademy.org/ we took her back to basics and now she's doing well. She's 9 nearly.

starlight1234 · 28/12/2013 21:10

I think the people that are missing the point is the ones who think it is about been top of the class, top group...My DS year 2 does know which group he is in despite them not been called group 1.2 they all know who is in the top group...

My DS had help not because he was in bottom group fro literacy..His reading age is two years above his own, but his writing was really holding him back,,,More importantly it was the way he felt about writing...He had a very nurturing teacher in year 1 but still he didn't want to write...

a little support can go a long way.... My son does some maths games online and is learning as he goes along...

BraveMerida · 28/12/2013 21:49

I've been monitoring dd's maths closely since year 1, she's in year 4 now and confident with her maths in the top group, with minimal support at home ( no tutoring) but it's not always been so or taken for granted.

i'll share what I believe worked in way of support at home, as I remember thinking in year round about year 1/2 when they were doing number bonds that, even though she understood the concepts, she was not getting enough practice at school to have the speed and accuracy to do adding an subtracting mentally without using fingers and counting. I bought couple of Kuomintang work books and worked through those, it was repetitive and boring, but dd's now glad she worked through them.

The next big hurdle was times tables, we basically spent year 3 doing no other extra maths at home apart from times tables...a combination of chanting ( not so successful), squeebles (massive hit) and random quick fire testing whenever we remember.

Also, maths whizz! Highly recommended. Dd did it on and off in years 1, 2 and 4. Good value compared to a tutor at £130 (?) a year and it worked for dd, worth a try.

BraveMerida · 28/12/2013 21:50

Kumon not Kuomintang

Joysmum · 28/12/2013 21:53

I've not read the rest of the comments but if my daughters teacher thought it would help then I would do it.

Quite often, younger kids need to be taught in ways they can best learn with and aren't so adaptive as they can be when older. Getting 1 to 1 help will allow the tutor so see how best to tap into what will work for your child and do help to catch up and regain vonfidence so why the hell not?

Lairyfights · 28/12/2013 23:12

I am a primary school teacher for year 2 (ages 6-7), a maths tutor is definitely not a bad idea if your child is struggling! It's such a crucial age to grasp basic concepts of number, these under pin our whole maths learning. Understanding these basics and keeping up that love for learning at this age will undoubtedly help your DC! If you can afford it, I would say go ahead. Nothing that takes over her life or becomes a chore, maybe even just an hour a week - but I guarantee it will help! Good luck!

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