Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4

Original poster

To think this level of drink is too much.....

100 replies

Feckadeck · 28/12/2013 14:20

...and that I am not wrong in worrying about my daughter growing up around it?

Mil and step FIL visiting us for month. They drink every single night...not drunk but think because they have high tolerance due to levels they drink. It's not just one or two either. They do same at home so nothing to do with them being here. On last visits I let it slide as not really my business but now I have a 10 week old dd. I am so worried about future family events and fact drink will always be involved....actually will like be involved every single time we around them in evening or anytime we out fork unch (eg drank at lunch in family cafe yesterday!) I don't see that as being a good situation for my daughter to grow up around. I realise I can't control what other people do. But it. Des concern me.

As a secondary issue my DH drinks more when they here as always being offered drink. I told him my concerns about my alcohol but he dismisses them. Him and step FIL went put last night and came home drunk...I was asleep thankfully but woke to sound of husband vomiting in ensuit then baby woke up and I struggled to settle whilst he slept like log! I know that is not in,was fault and I will speak to DH about it but I just know he will dismiss me. He doesn't go out more than maybe monthly but does drink too much when he does go out, he doesn't regularly drink in house.

I think inlaws have a drink problem but realise I am in danger of seeming judge!am just worried for my dd. AIBU?

OP posts:

MissDawn · 28/12/2013 21:26

I don't think he is giving himself the whole month off if he is having a couple of beers over dinner or something like that. As far as I am aware OP hasn't expressed the quantity of alcohol her DH is consuming but I presumed (possibly wrongly) that it wouldn't be enough for him to not be responsible for his child.

Anyway to be honest my original post was more to do with her issues with his parents than her DH. That was only responded to as an after thought.

LadyJx · 28/12/2013 21:31

Name changed for another post... Forgot to change back oops.

MrsKoala · 28/12/2013 21:44

I think YABU i'm afraid. This sounds like totally normal drinking to me. It is exactly the way DH and I drink - every night, but not drunk. I would also think it's fine to drink with lunch 'in a family cafe!' I see drinking within your limits as a lesson i would like DS to learn, rather than him be brought up with it as a mystery. I also think the occasional parental shitfaced/puke scenario is no bad thing to witness - it can be a lesson against over indulgence.

violator · 28/12/2013 22:05

YANBU.
Have you asked the inlaws why they drink every day?

Or your DH why he gets shitfaced?

The question is why. I'm always suspicious of folk who drink every day. Is it that they love the taste (hardly) or is it that they need to be numbed from reality.

Grennie · 28/12/2013 22:09

I don't drink every day. I love the taste of a good red wine and wish they made a good non alcoholic version, as I would then drink it everyday.

MrsKoala · 28/12/2013 22:09

Actually violator, I do drink because i love the taste, yes. You may not, but others do. And if you aren't getting dunk then you are not very numbed from reality really. If you needed that then you'd be shitfaced everyday. Which these people aren't.

violator · 28/12/2013 22:18

I do like the taste. But alcohol affects me, as it's supposed to.

If you could find a perfectly palatable non-alcoholic version, would you drink every day?

MrsKoala · 28/12/2013 22:21

if it tasted the same and was the same price, yes i suppose so - but wouldn't make a difference really as i don't think there is anything wrong with drinking alcohol. I have tried and spent fortunes on non alcy drinks which don't taste nice in the past.

Ladyglamalot · 28/12/2013 22:29

Yanbu op-my dh has issues with alcohol.His parents have told me over the years that they are concerned over it but yet they are continue to pour alcohol down his throat!

He is at inlaws tonight and I am missing a planned girls night out because he insisted on getting shit faced with fil and I could not leave dcs with him as planned

violator · 28/12/2013 22:37

There's nothing wrong with alcohol, I've had two glasses of red tonight.
If I was doing that every day I would question why I was doing it.

I have a background in addiction studies so I do know just how 'acceptable' it is in society to numb oneself on a regular basis. The question is why the need for the numbing.

TwerkingNineToFive · 28/12/2013 22:39

My god my views on alcohol must be very unusual.

Your dh goes out once in a while and has a little too much fun. Sounds fine to me, let him let his hair down. If he's not able to look after the DSc do it yourself and demand a payback day where you can do something 'selfish'. Sometimes when your a sensible grown up all the time it's fun to be irresponsible occasionally.

Your inlaws are adults they can do what they like as long as they are not hammered around your kids IMO.

thepig · 28/12/2013 22:41

Oh no they drank at lunchtime over the christmas period in a cafe that sells alcohol!

Not quite sure what a 'family' cafe is. But have you wondered why it's licensed?

Either way you are worrying far too much. I really don't get these 'my child's second cousin twice removed is a murderer will this affect my child' threads.

WilsonFrickett · 28/12/2013 22:49

Your ILs alcohol consumption is not your business. It really is as simple as that. You need to separate the two issues out and work out if your general judgieness over your ILs consumption is affecting how you feel about your DHs drinking (which is your business, of course). If, without the influence of your ILs you do think DH drinks too much then this has to be tackled. But it sounds to me as if you are projecting.

And your dd will be influenced by you and DH, not your ILs. That's just projecting, and another excuse for judgieness tbh.

Crowler · 28/12/2013 22:51

I don't think it's any of your business how much your in-laws drink. If they're drunk and unreasonable (which you say they're not) that's a different matter.

I'd be disgusted and irritated with my husband if he drank to the point of being sick; how often has this happened?

Preciousbane · 28/12/2013 22:58

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

Feckadeck · 29/12/2013 02:36

Sorry missed lots of posts. I am not a control freak...thanks for seeing that lulu. It was not his first night out. Had a boys night not long after and came home reasonably drunk (happy drunk) and then a work conference and was out every night for 5 days until 1am. I understood certain level of this ws work relate but he was drinking fair bit and admitted he took advantage of my mum being here to stay out later that if she hadn't be here. This embarrassed me in front of my mum as seemed like h uncaring and not helping th dd when that wasn't really him normally.

Dolclatte thanks for pointing out all the other issues I should be worrying about...I am not thick for fs. I am not a huge bore I am asking for opinions on THIS particular issue not for you to suggest I should be worrying about other things!

I honestly do not see that daily drinking is a normal thing to so or a healthy thing. It's not a glass of wine with dinner it's a few wine and beers every evening. MIL stated "I need a glass to help settle ,y stomach"....to me that sounded like justifying her drinking levels. Form what it is worth I have never mentioned it to them and don't think I ever would as no of my business. I think they bore. Thu retired and do nothing much so I think they enjoy drinking! None of my business though really....however I do think dh's drinking is my business. I think I did mention that inlaws drink wasn't my business!

I think not drinking myself for a year made me realise how much DH does drink to excess ie drunk when drinking and not just a friendly couple. Obviously having a new baby I am thinking for future and what sort of influences will be in her life and how it might affect her. Interesting to see different views as to what people think is normal drinking levels so thanks for,all you responses.

OP posts:

LadyJx · 29/12/2013 10:15

Feckadeck

Kind of wish you had more clearly explained the volumes in your earlier posts of DH. My ExH was/is an alcoholic and I would say knowing the full details that your husband is raising a couple of red flags for borderline alcohol dependency.

Why not suggest a dry Jan? Quite common for people to do this after Christmas/New Year etc. See what his response is, if I'm right his response will give you a stepping stone for the conversation about him drinking a bit much. From what you have said I don't think he'll be happy about the dry Jan... I do not think he has a alcohol problem as such but he could be on the cusp.

In future, maybe you should keep your IL's visit to a week or two? Is it your alcohol they are drinking or do they bring their own? Their drinking really isn't as you've said your business but don't be out of pocket for it.

I apologise for my earlier posts.

HowardTJMoon · 29/12/2013 10:56

MrsKoala, are you drinking a bottle of wine every day like the OP's MIL?

Original poster

Feckadeck · 29/12/2013 15:32

Thanks for the apology ladyjx though not needed as I obviously hadn't been very clear in my op. Reading my last post about his nights out had highlighted to me that it might be a problem. I tend to dismiss his drinking as "one offs" but they aren't really. Now he's not sick every time but he is drun.k. Generally he is a happy drunk or gets a bit depressive so I feel bad for him....whereas if was aggressive etc I wouldn't put up with it.

I have suggested "no more drink" but usually after a night out and I am saying more in a "nagging" way though we have hand conversations in last about quitting. I think I will bring up dry January idea and. See if he is on board, he desperately wants to lose weight too but thinks nothing of having beers which obviously as a major contribution to his overweight state (I am also overweight so it's not a dig about that - we could both do with being healthier and have discussed in past that we want to lose weight but he doesn't think cutting down or out booze plays any role in that!)

In laws I think is probably a red flag in a way as it's more DH I can see is my issue. I still think in,was drink excessively but it's their choice and isn't impacting me so I'd never bring up with them. They are staying here for another 2.5 weeks then home. Later this year we are moving back to home country so will no longer be living under same roof as them for weeks at a time just visiting as normal families do....I think when visiting I won't worry quite so much as one offs and dd (when older!) probably won't be aware of daily drinking aspect.

Thanks for helping me get some focus, I am definitely going to speak to my DH though from past experiences I think he will just dismiss my concerns.

OP posts:

Crowler · 29/12/2013 15:35

I agree that a dry january is a great idea for nearly everyone.

Sallyingforth · 29/12/2013 15:45

I'm surprised at some of the casual responses here to getting drunk.
I enjoy a drink or two myself and it's a great way to relax with friends.
But getting shit-faced drunk once a week is not only bad for your health, it's personally shameful and demeaning.
Drinking so much that you vomit is a clear sign that your body is affected, quite apart from being messy and degrading.
But it seems I'm in a minority.

themaltesefalcon · 29/12/2013 15:53

Is there anything more joyless than daily drinking, especially if done at home?

I'm with you, OP. Your husband is a being selfish and pathetic.

As for the in-laws, their drinking is their problem. Your duties as host include not commenting on this. I wouldn't leave my baby in their care, though, not in a million years.

themaltesefalcon · 29/12/2013 15:54

(Please excuse the dodgy grammar. Am a bit pissed.)

MrsKoala · 29/12/2013 16:31

Howard - yes i can do quite easily. 4 glasses of wine with ice and soda over a 5-6 hour period where i also have dinner is probably quite normal for me most week days. Weekends we probably have a pub lunch where i'd have a couple of pints of guinness/glasses of wine. I don't get drunk. I have no problem with that amount of alcohol, regardless of the 'recommended' weekly unit amounts.

MrsKoala · 29/12/2013 16:33

And maltese, i don't think drinking at home is joyless, well it certainly isn't for me. A nice glass of wine with dinner or while reading my book in the bath is lovely.

Flip

1 2 3 4

Swipe left for the next trending thread