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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not let my partners son lounge about in our bedroom ?

72 replies

StandingInLine · 28/12/2013 13:34

At the weekend partner has his kids round ,they're all teenagers. They share a bedroom as we're in a 3 bedroom place with two kids of our own but as but has tv and because it's bunk beds it's overly cramped. His youngest son will spend all weekend in our bedroom playing on his laptop and initially I thought it was for our tv as we have sky and they have freeview, and also if one of the other kids was watching something else he couldn't watch what he wanted to watch. But his dad noticed that he wasn't really watching it so could use our bedroom but doesn't need the tv on in the background. Didn't mind as he always vacated when I asked him to ,and would put a cover over the bed as he's a typical teenage boy who may not be the most hygienic sometimes. Anyway ,I've always said NO food in our bedroom ,they can eat in tiers as they're responsible for keeping it tidy but my kids room and mine are a food free zone. Last weekend I found a selection box wrapper and then the next day some more wrappings even though he'd even told not to (numerous times ). The times coincided with when his dad was out so now I feel he's sneaked up food which I think is worse than just forgetting !!
I've now said he's not allowed in our room and partners ok with this but I feel like I'm being a bit unreasonable but the other room is usually empty as everyone else goes out and of they're watching tv they watch on their laptops as they do catch up tv and netflix. I'm not overly close to them so don't want to seem I'm trying to mother him as he knows it isn't going to come from his dad (he'd live in squalor if it wasn't for me ). I've even in their lives for 6 years now ,I'm exactly the same with our kids so isn't like I'm favouring. I don't want to cause a rift if I am being unreasonable ...

OP posts:
Original poster
StandingInLine · 28/12/2013 13:36

*its NOT overly cramped I meant

OP posts:
usualsuspect · 28/12/2013 13:39

It was only a bar of chocolate just tell him to clear up after himself

HappyMummyOfOne · 28/12/2013 13:40

I dont see the big deal tbh. Given all three are expected to cram into one room its little wonder he enjoys the space to spread out.

Unless you are saying he smeared chocolate everywhere then its hardly the end of the world. It sounds like you begrudge having them there tbh.

Original poster
StandingInLine · 28/12/2013 13:41

I think it's more a case of it was timed when his dad went out so feel like he's purposely going against rules. Also ,have you ever seen how much a small drop of chocolate can smudge !! lol

OP posts:
DoYouLikeMyBaubles · 28/12/2013 13:43

YABU

Original poster
StandingInLine · 28/12/2013 13:44

Well others are usually out during the day ,living room is free ,we have a very big kitchen / dining room. They're all very well behaved and have had no conflicts with them so definitely don't begrudge them being round which is probably why I'm feeling uneasy about setting this one room ...

OP posts:
grobagsforever · 28/12/2013 13:44

Maybe your partner could engage with his children during their contact time rather than leaving him on the laptop all day?

livinginawinterwonderland · 28/12/2013 13:44

I think it's unfair to expect three teenagers to be happy in a cramped room all weekend. Of course he wants to spread out, but by doing so, he doesn't get the same "freedom" as his siblings to eat what he wants, when he wants.

I don't see a problem with him being in there so long as he cleans up after himself and doesn't leave the wrappers everywhere.

BruthasTortoise · 28/12/2013 13:45

YANBU - if the bedroom's a good free zone then it's a good free zone. The consequences of breaking the rules are that he's not allowed in your bedroom.

BruthasTortoise · 28/12/2013 13:45

D'oh - food not good!

maddy68 · 28/12/2013 13:45

I think you need to get over yourself. He's a teenager, needs some space. It's only, a wrapper. You sound like step parent from hell.
I loved my step mum you need to build good relationships with your step children. Teens are hard. Just wait until yours are teens. You won't care if it's only a wrapper you find !

Alwayscheerful · 28/12/2013 13:46

I tend to disagree, your bedroom is your private space, I think it is reasonable for it to be out of bounds to older children and I would apply the same rules to your own and your stepchildren.

You sound as if you are doing your best to accommodate them in limited space. I don't allow food or drinks in bedrooms but do allow water when thy get older.

Your home, you set the standard.

redcaryellowcar · 28/12/2013 13:49

I think yanbu to have a no food rule in bedrooms, we do here, but with a little flexibility on christmas morning for stocking chocolate, and thursday morning toast, as that is our sheet changing day!
I do think it sounds like 'doing more' might be a good idea, less lounging opportunities?

hhhhhhh · 28/12/2013 13:49

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

WooWooOwl · 28/12/2013 13:49

I think it's a bit mean to stop them using your bedroom if they have always been allowed to before. It's a punishment that is not proportionate to the crime.

I don't allow any food upstairs in our house, even in the dcs own rooms, but if they did take some chocolate up there then they would be told off and that would be the end of it.

Lulu1083 · 28/12/2013 13:54

My dc aren't allowed in my room, (because they've taken over the rest of the house) my room is my space.

If you were nice enough to let him use your room and he broke the rules then the consequence is he isn't allowed in there anymore.

I don't think this is too harsh, it sounds from your OP as he doesn't need to be in there for the tv anyway, he can play on his laptop elsewhere and it's not like they're confined to a small room anyway!

Original poster
StandingInLine · 28/12/2013 13:54

Don't think a "stepparent from hell" would be on here asking with others opinions on case she's being unreasonable ....

OP posts:
Vivacia · 28/12/2013 13:57

I think it's fair enough to have some space that is yours and your rules apply.

Are they made to feel welcome elsewhere in the house? In the communal rooms? It sounds a bit sad that they are glued to their screens, catching up on tv.

BruthasTortoise · 28/12/2013 13:59

Yep "stepparent from hell" because she doesn't allow any of the children, step or bio, to eat food in her bedroom. I must be a parent from hell then because I don't allow my kids to eat in my bed either...Hmm

ChippingInLovesChristmasLights · 28/12/2013 14:00

I don't actually see any need for any of them to be in there - New Year New Rules - no-one goes into your room.

Step parent from hell... ha ha ha ha ha.

Original poster
StandingInLine · 28/12/2013 14:01

They're always welcome. They can pop round whenever and never have to ring the bell they can come straight in. Their half siblings (their mums younger kids ,not partners ) also get on very well with our kids so sometimes pop round ,and my kids to theirs. They have free run of the living room ,dining room etc...and can always help themselves to whatever they like so not as if I treat them like outsiders.

OP posts:
maddy68 · 28/12/2013 14:03

It's a wrapper from a selection box! I agree if he was taking a meal upstairs in your bedroom but a bloody chocolate bar? Hardly crime of the century

For the record I have never allowed my kids to use my bedroom as a room for them to use, but if you have always allowed it it seems unfair to single him out and change the rules.

BruthasTortoise · 28/12/2013 14:06

But the rule is he can use the room as long as he doesn't eat in there. It's not the crime of the century but it's not the punishment of the century either. He can hang out in one of the other rooms.

hoppingmad · 28/12/2013 14:08

Yanbu. I don't see the difference between a chocolate bar and a full meal either - food is food and he broke the rule. He is a teenager and fully aware of what the rule was. Stick to your guns. Besides I'm quite sure you'll appreciate your room being off limits anyway!

Original poster
StandingInLine · 28/12/2013 14:11

Think that's what I'm concerned about is that if he's sneaking food up there will he be sneaking up other foods. It's not the first time I've found stuff ,like crisp crumbs etc...but have let it go but I don't like food in my bedroom as it's on the bed as well. But suppose because we were never allowed as kids it's rubbed off on me ...

OP posts:
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