Funeral cars and traffic

[Messupmum]

I was just driving back from the sales, came to a busy roundabout. The hearse had already piled out and there was a funeral car behind so I signaled to the driver to let him out to be behind the hearse.

Then I noticed the next car behind the funeral cars tried pulling out infront of me but I'd already started moving and was blocking traffic so carried on. This car was then behind me, driving closely and obviously annoyed I hadn't let her out. I then guessed she was part of the funeral. She then took another turning off the road, suddenly appeared at a side road and tried to pull out infront of me! I couldn't stop suddenly, so she beeped at me, looked like she was shouting and was really angry. I beeped back as she can't just pull out infront of traffic.

Sorry this is long-winded and boring, but do all cars heading to a funeral need to stay one behind the other? I felt bad as obviously they aren't having a very nice time of it, but her attitude just annoyed me. She ended up behind them anyway after I turned off. I won't put her appearance on here, but I locked my doors! Think she was out of order driving like that and beeping infront of the hearse and close family/friends in the funeral car.

I like the idea of of little black flags otherwise there's no way of telling whether a private car is part of a funeral procession or not.

Inevitably as the procession makes its way to the crematorium it will get stretched out over hslf a mile as some people make it across traffic lights and not others.

Where my parent live the crematorium is about 30 moles away and the route involves fastish dual carriageway. To expect to drive bumper to bumper that distance isn't realistic.

So op YANBU.

The woman obviously had the hump because they didn't let her sit in the limo

I think you were both in the wrong, it was extremely inconsiderate and disrespectful to not give way to a funeral procession.
It was awful of both of you to be beeping horns!

Perhaps the lady was upset losing a dear friend and didn't know where the Hearse was going so she was trying to follow it and wasn't familiar with the local area?

I think you could have cut her some slack TBH and let her out.

You beeped while in a funeral procession?

How fast was the procession going, and how close were you to the family limo to not be able to let this other mourner in the procession out?

Fuck me.

I was just driving back from the sales, came to a busy roundabout. The hearse had already piled out and there was a funeral car behind so I signaled to the driver to let him out to be behind the hearse.

I'd do the same, this is respectful.

Then I noticed the next car behind the funeral cars tried pulling out infront of me but I'd already started moving and was blocking traffic so carried on.

This is where I feel OP is getting unfairly slated. If she was already moving, then she could have caused an accident by suddenly stopping. (I added italics here.)

She then took another turning off the road, suddenly appeared at a side road and tried to pull out infront of me! I couldn't stop suddenly

Again, I don't think the OP was necessarily wrong here. She couldn't stop, and it's clear the driver knew to local area.

And if people are driving normal cars, how can you tell if they are part of the funeral procession or not? It's not always obvious, and yes I do know of funerals where the only mourners have been in two limos, so no other cars to worry about.

I can see the respect implied in pulling over to let a funeral procession past, but how long do you wait? How will you know when all the funeral cars have gone and the cars going past are just people going about normal business?

I know where the local churches/crematoria are now, so I always say I'll meet people there. I don't do funeral processions unless I am in someone else's car. Seeing people panic about keeping up with the procession just adds stress on an already stressful day.

I don't think anybody would really try to barge into a funeral procession, would they? I get that procession followers might be grieving but beeping is not ok, it's disrespectful whoever does it and it's meaningless really and not necessarily obvious that somebody's gatecrashed the procession and that's what they're being 'beeped' for.

Black flags seem eminently sensible to me. Ditto the dipped headlights if that's the convention. If they're not there, it's not obvious. You can't be expected to check out what occupants in following cars - who may or may not be anything to do with the funeral - are wearing.

Instead of leaping to conclusions that people are out to be disrespectful, why not get black flags? That's what I would do now that this has been highlighted. End of problem then.

I think the only thing YWBU about here was beeping back at the woman, that was disrespectful. You weren't to know that age was one of the funeral party and actually you still don't! Maybe she took the short cut just because she was annoyed with you.

Yes cars do need to stay together, they make up the funeral procession.

And I do think you should have let her in. You were in the wrong here and I understand her being angry.

But respect for funeral processions seems to be one of those things that is slowly regrettably disappearing.

I think I mentioned it before and my emotions may be a bit raw seeing as I buried my mother just before Christmas, but I would take a very dim view of a funeral cortege follower in an unmarked car who got into a beepy, gesticulating roadrage incident with someone who appears to have inadvertently blundered into a procession.

Anyway, as I also said, the undertaker walked the two miles from my mother's house to the church in front of our procession.

I can understand people getting frustrated that afternoon and I wondered about it while I was in the car. But not one person tried to overtake or even beep.

If they had, I like to think they had an important appointment. Definitely if it was an emergency vehicle. Life goes on.

But as it was, I thank them .

"I don't think anybody would really try to barge into a funeral procession, would they?"

Yep, some people really are that self centred. :( Had it happen at my grandad's funeral a few weeks ago. They tried to barge in between the hearse and the official funeral car, luckily the driver of the funeral car wouldn't let them.

limitedperiod - yes, really. It has never occurred to me. I give way to emergency vehicles of course. But funeral cars? I can't see a reason to, they aren't rushing to an emergency, in fact they're usually driving very slowly. I can see why you would make an effort to let a funeral party stay together but I wouldn't think to pull over if I was in front of a hearse no. Luckily, I've never seen a hearse when I've been driving, except for funeral parties that I have been a part of myself, so I've never made the mistake. I don't think! I need to pay more attention to what cars actually are.

YANBU. If you can't tell how long the procession is, then it's fair enough not to let out cars that aren't obviously part of it. Agree with the suggestion of a black flag or other way to identify vehicles in the procession, otherwise how are you supposed to know?

At one time everybody used to accept that you did not overtake a funeral procession. My parents were shocked when some people overtook the funeral procession we were part of when a relative died.

Overtaking a funeral procession (unless on a dual carriageway), I wouldn't but inadvertently joining unmarked cars in one, probably. I wouldn't do it on purpose but if there's no way of knowing then I might have.

But Greenie I imagine that in your parent's day the the funeral procession would be from the person's home to a local church, covering three miles at most with most of the mourners walking behind.
Now that most services are held at a crematorium, 30/40 miles it is not realistic to be able to process at walking pace. As I mentioned above the route from the crematorium most of my relatives have been cremated at involves fast dual carriageways and multiple roundabouts and traffic lights. I don't thonk I have been to a funeral there where all the mourners in ordinary cars have managed to make it in close formation.

All the funerals I have been to have involved no more than a 5 mile journey.

And of course dual carriageways should be treated differently.

I thought the undertaker would walk to the end of her road and then we'd drive at normal speed to the church.

But he walked in his top hat and tails all the way to the church. It was fantastic.

And yet again, I really thank everyone who got caught up our cortege that day and didn't say a thing.

I know undertakers are efficient and fierce so they wouldn't let someone cut in either deliberately or by accident.

But followers aren't that good so if someone did cut in by accident I'm not going to blame them.

I was in a funeral car today.

We had other cars stop for us. The council who were working on a house stopped their working and stood there with their heads down until we left.

Cars on the other side of the road slowed down too. It was all very respectful.

OP didn't realise that the other car was a part of the funeral procession and I am sure the woman was just full of emotions, so I don't think anyone was being U.

I really think that because 'times have changed', as limitedperiodonly and greenie have indicated with the walk to the end of the road, churches being local, etc. people are generally quite unsure. I'd hate to think that people would purposely do anything to cause extra stress to a grieving family but I can quite see how it could happen inadvertently because the 'old ways' haven't caught up with 'modern' traffic flows, long distance journeys to crematoria/churches, etc.

I also think that perhaps people are very caught up in themselves, what they're doing and are therefore quite oblivious to what's going on around them, ie. they'll recognise other vehicles on the road and avoid hitting them but they won't necessarily notice the type of vehicle unless it has sirens and flashing lights.

The black flags are absolutely a necessity and, if the funeral director didn't provide them, I would make a point of it. Anything to assist other road users in recognising non-obvious vehicles involved in a funeral procession and avoid unnecessary angst to mourners.

If I were caught up in grief, I wouldn't even notice anybody bowing their heads, stopping work or joining the procession; I'd be wrapped up in my own sad thoughts so wouldn't even acknowledge it. I'm not sure what the form is for that.

"If I were caught up in grief, I wouldn't even notice anybody bowing their heads, stopping work or joining the procession"

Not necessarily, I became hyper aware of those things when in the funeral procession as a way of dealing with my grief.

Lying, we all noticed today and we were all very caught up in grief today.

Even my kids commented on it and they are broken hearted.

Like Murder said, it can help to focus on what is going on around you too.