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AIBU?

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Original poster

Funeral cars and traffic

101 replies

Messupmum · 27/12/2013 13:13

I was just driving back from the sales, came to a busy roundabout. The hearse had already piled out and there was a funeral car behind so I signaled to the driver to let him out to be behind the hearse.

Then I noticed the next car behind the funeral cars tried pulling out infront of me but I'd already started moving and was blocking traffic so carried on. This car was then behind me, driving closely and obviously annoyed I hadn't let her out. I then guessed she was part of the funeral. She then took another turning off the road, suddenly appeared at a side road and tried to pull out infront of me! I couldn't stop suddenly, so she beeped at me, looked like she was shouting and was really angry. I beeped back as she can't just pull out infront of traffic.

Sorry this is long-winded and boring, but do all cars heading to a funeral need to stay one behind the other? I felt bad as obviously they aren't having a very nice time of it, but her attitude just annoyed me. She ended up behind them anyway after I turned off. I won't put her appearance on here, but I locked my doors! Think she was out of order driving like that and beeping infront of the hearse and close family/friends in the funeral car.

OP posts:
firesidechat · 27/12/2013 13:44

How are people supposed to know that it was a funeral car unless it was an official, hired one?

We have a crematorium on the busy road where we live and funerals pass by all the time. It is impossible to know who is attending the funeral and who isn't. If I know that it is a funeral car then I would always let them go first.

The woman in the car was totally unreasonable.

limitedperiodonly · 27/12/2013 13:50

At my Grandpas funeral we had one family car and and BT van pushed between the hearse and the family car.

If it had been an ice cream van and a genuine accident that would have made me smile.

Especially if it started playing Greensleeves.

But that's me, and my reaction at family funerals Grin.

Other people can feel how they want, of course.

At my mother's funeral the undertaker walked the two miles to the church in front of us.

I actually wondered whether anyone might try to overtake but bless them, nobody did.

ThatIsIt · 27/12/2013 13:54

Everyone must have been Shock at the sight of a hearse followed by a BT van then the family black cars. Or thought your relative worked for BT and it was some fitting tribute?

ineedanexcuse · 27/12/2013 13:55

Besides the hearse and family car it just isnt possible to tell if there are other cars following the funeral procession. Often the 2 main cars are all there is so its not a given that there may be more to come.

I think it would be a great idea for Funeral directors to start a trend for giving/selling black flags or ribbons specifically for procession followers . I have heard this happens in some oparts of the country but Ive never seen it myself.

Of course it might end up giving some people an increased sense of entitlement so that they expect others to stop for them at all points .But at least the other drivers would know why they were expected to stop.

Kundry · 27/12/2013 13:56

Personally I wouldn't assume that a normal car was part of a funeral procession. I'd try to stop for a limo but there are occassions in traffic when you just can't. Sometimes you just don't notice it's a funeral procession until it's too late and all you can do it sit in you car looking embarrassed.

It's lovely that so many people show respect for a funeral but neither can you stop at a roundabout to let several cars follow a hearse. None of the cars behind you can see what you are doing and then will start beeping their horns which isn't exactly respectful either.

She was presumably having a bad day but YWNBU.

ineedanexcuse · 27/12/2013 13:57

It appears there already are some flags on the market

bearleftmonkeyright · 27/12/2013 14:00

Driving into the middle of a funeral procession is known as undertaking. True fact.

BrevilleTron · 27/12/2013 14:06

Ha I've had this happen to me!
At my Grandads funeral. I was driving Victor ( who belonged to grandad originally)
Black ribbon bow on front grille and black ribbon streamers on his ears (wing mirrors)

Still got cut up by a white van as I was following the hearse.

ReginaldBlinker · 27/12/2013 14:08

In the states, if you're driving in the funeral procession, you all have your headlights on. It helps cut down on the confusion as to who's part of the procession and who isn't!

Highly recommend starting the trend here Grin

Tuhlulah · 27/12/2013 14:12

It could be that she was worried about getting lost, if they were going to a reception afterwards and she didn't know where it was? (Have been in that situation many times).

But am intrigued as to what kind of personal appearance you don't want to mention -why- and why it caused you to feel unsafe -why?

Mamf74 · 27/12/2013 14:27

At my Uncle's funeral we were given dark red / brown flags to attach to the windows by the funeral directors so we would be acknowledged as part of the procession. Was quite discreet (like a sober version of the England / Union Jack flags that are sold during the World Cup etc). Really helped at things like junctions and roundabouts plus also helped us as we weren't entirely sure where we were going.

limitedperiodonly · 27/12/2013 15:23

Victor, breville? What is he?

He sounds grand, even without his black ribbons.

I'm all for giving anyone who deliberately cuts up a funeral procession a mixture of pitying looks and Paddington hard stares to try to shame them.

Probably wouldn't work but it might take your mind off things.

Skogkatter · 27/12/2013 15:33

At my mum's funeral, we had a car, with some bikes on the back, luggage on the top bit, and two children waving out the window, cut in between the hearse and our car (an official funeral car). About twenty minutes later, they were still there, and suddenly we heard a loud 'OH MY GOD! IT'S A FUNERAL!' from the car. It then turned off on a side road to let us rejoin the procession. You had to be there to appreciate it probably, but it made us laugh (on a pretty shit day).

limitedperiodonly · 27/12/2013 15:35

Also IME undertakers are good at making people behave themselves. A bit like bouncers in better-fitting suits.

My friend married at Westminster Cathedral. I didn't realise it was for ordinary mortals, but apparently they behave like a parish church and if you qualify, you're in.

You do feel a bit conspicuous in such a large church if you're in a small wedding party but they're very welcoming to everyone apart from the aggressive beggars who harass wedding, christening and funeral guests on the steps and threaten to disrupt the proceedings unless you pay them to go away.

They have ninja priests. They are really skilled in discreetly telling gits to fuck off while ushering the guests inside.

My own wedding photographer did the same to an aggressive bag lady on the steps of Marylebone Register Office. Except he wasn't quite as gracious Wink

People like that really take as much stress as they can out of the day. I feel a thank you letter to my mother's undertakers is overdue.

.

limitedperiodonly · 27/12/2013 15:36

Skogkatter Grin

ErrolTheDragon · 27/12/2013 15:48

When we've had family funerals, apart from the 'official' car we've always managed to sort people out to lift-share and/or provide with postcodes/directions so that people can make their way between church/crem/bun-fight without having to stay in convoy.

YANBU, a funeral is no excuse for driving badly.

Thisismyfirsttime · 27/12/2013 15:52

Whenever I've been part of a funeral procession we've all had headlights on and had no problems. Makes things a lot easier for everyone!

limitedperiodonly · 27/12/2013 15:53

here's the cathedral

If ever I marry again I'm going for an annulment so I can do it there.

I'm a Catholic, DH was a divorced C of E whatever and we married in a grand, yet godless town hall, so I imagine my marriage doesn't count and the priests would welcome me back into the fold Wink

The lighting is very flattering to the older complexion but I might wear a fetching lace mantilla to hide the wrinkles.

manicinsomniac · 27/12/2013 15:54

Wow, I didn't even know we were supposed to give way to hearses! Hope I've never done anything too awful.

Don't worry OP, it doesn't sound like you did anything wrong.

TheZeeTeam · 27/12/2013 15:56

Here, people put on their hazard lights to show they are part of the procession. It would be a huuuuuge no no to separate the procession.

That said, in your situation I would just chalk it down to a stressed, upset person who was driving badly.

limitedperiodonly · 27/12/2013 16:02

Wow, I didn't even know we were supposed to give way to hearses!

I am very forgiving, but really?

How do you behave with emergency vehicles?

Oldraver · 27/12/2013 16:10

No she was being an arse. I do think it good driving etiquette to try and not break up a proccesion of the official cars, but you cant tell who is and isnt in the cortege and its not always safe to let them all through

Aintnobodylovesnanbetter · 27/12/2013 16:14

Our local funeral parlour give you black flags to put on your car if you want to follow the other funeral cars.

everlong · 27/12/2013 16:21

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

HungryHorace · 27/12/2013 16:29

Black ribbons don't work as we had them for the procession cars for my Nan's funeral and people still cut in.

Some people just drive like arses with no consideration for others, no matter if it's obvious to considerate drivers how best to behave.