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AIBU?

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Original poster

Funeral cars and traffic

101 replies

Messupmum · 27/12/2013 13:13

I was just driving back from the sales, came to a busy roundabout. The hearse had already piled out and there was a funeral car behind so I signaled to the driver to let him out to be behind the hearse.

Then I noticed the next car behind the funeral cars tried pulling out infront of me but I'd already started moving and was blocking traffic so carried on. This car was then behind me, driving closely and obviously annoyed I hadn't let her out. I then guessed she was part of the funeral. She then took another turning off the road, suddenly appeared at a side road and tried to pull out infront of me! I couldn't stop suddenly, so she beeped at me, looked like she was shouting and was really angry. I beeped back as she can't just pull out infront of traffic.

Sorry this is long-winded and boring, but do all cars heading to a funeral need to stay one behind the other? I felt bad as obviously they aren't having a very nice time of it, but her attitude just annoyed me. She ended up behind them anyway after I turned off. I won't put her appearance on here, but I locked my doors! Think she was out of order driving like that and beeping infront of the hearse and close family/friends in the funeral car.

OP posts:
tinyturtletim · 27/12/2013 16:31

I never ever speed past the dead. If a hearse is on the other side of the road I slow right down.

limitedperiodonly · 27/12/2013 16:48

everlong It's give and take.

everlong · 27/12/2013 16:50

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

limitedperiodonly · 27/12/2013 17:30

Apparently it was a mistake by the OP everlong

I've lost my parents; my mother very recently. Beeping and gesticulating wouldn't be my response.

As someone in an official funeral limousine I'd be furious with a follower who started a road-rage incident with another driver in the funeral procession.

I know that you've lost a child. It's not the same as losing a parent because it shouldn't happen that way. My mother told me that when I dodged the bullet 23 years ago.

People make mistakes and IME reacting angrily to them doesn't assuage our grief.

BrevilleTron · 27/12/2013 17:31

Limited Victor is a British Racing Green Rover 75
( looks like a Jag)
He is my pride and joy and when he dies I shall have him stuffed.

everlong · 27/12/2013 17:36

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

limitedperiodonly · 27/12/2013 17:37

Or you could be buried in him breville.

Or set light to on a pyre.

limitedperiodonly · 27/12/2013 17:39

It doesn't assuage my grief.

I've no right to talk about anyone else's.

limitedperiodonly · 27/12/2013 17:55

everlong I get it. And sometimes, no.

Grief is a very individual thing.

I hope you understand and respect my position

AlwaysOneMissing · 27/12/2013 18:00

I agree everlong.
I'm shocked by the harsh words against this woman, she was in the middle of a funeral! On her way to see a loved one get buried or cremated. It would be stressful in that situation to be cut off from the funeral procession , we don't know her connection to the deceased, it could have been a really traumatic time for her.
OP, I think you were inconsiderate and disrespectful and I would feel embarrassed if I were you (sorry).

everlong · 27/12/2013 18:02

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

limitedperiodonly · 27/12/2013 18:06

Thanks everlong.

I've inherited my mum's cat.

Frankly, I was hoping for a better bequest.

Have a good new year Smile

AuntieMaggie · 27/12/2013 18:11

TheZeeTeam Hazard lights on here too.

TunipTheUnconquerable · 27/12/2013 18:18

I just remember my dad getting very, very stressed on the drive from the church service to the crematorium for my great aunt's funeral, because he thought he knew the way but there was a new one-way system and it was very difficult to follow all the other cars.

The poster that is in response to is the one who said, 'If she thought she would get lost if she couldn't follow a few cars behind the hearse then she shouldn't be driving'. That part is bollocks.

PennySillin · 27/12/2013 18:20

I would always give way to the whole (as far as I could tell) funeral procession, just out of respect, they are going through enough. But that's just me!

Original poster
Messupmum · 27/12/2013 18:25

Always how was I inconsiderate and disrespectful? I'd like to know? I was asking whether cars following a hearse need to stay in line, and I would have felt worse if she hadn't responded the way she did. As someone said, she knew the short cut so must have known the area. It's not as of hearses race ahead so she wouldn't have lost sight. I think she was disrespectful beeping and driving like that. However if I find myself stuck in a line of funeral cars again, I'd pull over. But I wasn't embaressed, the roads were busy and there are loads of roundabouts and junctions in thag area, so they probably struggled to stay together anyway. Being upset doesn't mean you can drive aggressively.

OP posts:
pickledparsnip · 28/12/2013 11:20

We got cut up on the way to my Grandpa's funeral, and we were the car directly behind the hearse. We were all pretty shocked and angry at the time, but if anything it made the driver look like a massive twat. There was nowhere to overtake, and the funeral director walked for ages, so they didn't get anywhere quicker.

Have a fucking heart, the woman was on her way to a funeral and was grieving.

AlwaysOneMissing · 30/12/2013 09:36

I would have been embarrassed to have cut into a funeral procession, and ashamed of myself for beeping at her and getting angry. I think her reaction can be excused as she was obviously in distress and grieving. Her impression must have been that by cutting in and then not letting her back in when you had the chance, you were deliberately disrespectful (even if you didn't mean it that way). I think it was unobservant of you in both situations.
The other lady had a reason for acting aggressively (rightly or wrongly) but I don't know why you did! You were driving home from the sales - hardly important, and if you had been respectful at the roundabout and let them through and it had resulted in other cars beeping you - then so what?!

SmilingHappyBeaver · 30/12/2013 10:15

YABU - OP your driving was thoughtless and inconsiderate. You should have paid more attention to the cars immediately behind the hearse to see if they appeared part of the procession.

When you realised she was part of the funeral why didn't you do the decent thing and pull over to let her catch up with the procession? It sounds like she was having a shit day.

MadeOfStarDust · 30/12/2013 10:32

On a busy road with everyday traffic about it is not always easy to stop /pull over/whatever - not all the people around would know YOU were stopping to let someone in for a funeral procession.... does everyone else live in a nice suburban sprawl with few cars on the road....

ChillieJeanie · 30/12/2013 10:39

I think it's quite difficult to know when a car is actually in a funeral procession or not, unless it's the funeral car. Both times I have driven cousins from the church to the crematorium (paternal Grandad in one case, maternal Grandma in the other), I've simply opted to get there the best way I could without worrying whether I was directly behind the hearse and main funeral car. For Grandad's the crematorium was a long way from the church and to be honest I don't think it would have been practical to do in a long procession. With Grandma I just checked which route the undertaker was going to I didn't inadvertantly take a longer one. In both cases they waited for all the family to arrive before taking the coffin into the crematorium itself.

MrsBennetsEldest · 30/12/2013 10:49

Empathy and compassion.....seems to be going out of fashion..as is respect.

Tobagostreet · 30/12/2013 11:05

Where I live (Glasgow), most undertakers will advise you to use your dipped headlights to indicate you're part of the funeral, though I appreciate that some other drivers may not be aware of this.

I do make sure when I'm driving, not to break up a funeral procession, even in a built up, busy, urban area.

OP, I do think YWBU. How many funerals have you seen/been to where there is one hearse and one family car, then no other cars? I've never been to any, and never seen any like this. It stands to reason that there would be at least a couple of other cars, trying to get out at the junction together. It's 'the done thing' to give way to them, even when they don't have the right of way.

If I inadvertently 'joined' in the middle of a procession, I'd pull in at the earliest opportunity to allow them to pass me. It would add minutes to my journey, but would show respect, and allow them to carry on together.

If I was the other driver, I'd be berating you too for being so disrespectful (intentional or otherwise). And I'd probably be a bit emotional too, so whilst its not OK to sound her horn, or gesticulate, it's not completely beyond understanding.

I hope that in future, you consider this should you find yourself in that situation again.

BooBudolphMeowson · 30/12/2013 11:13

A lot of people follow the funeral procession and have no clue where they are going. She may have had cars following her. If you go in front of her, and decide not to push through at the lights etc, she is a bit scuppered.

At a funeral a few years ago there was a huge procession, and we all had plain black car flags. It worked really well

UnicornsNotRiddenByGrownUps · 30/12/2013 11:27

Sorry I think you were in the wrong here. You cut in to the middle of a funeral, it was really obvious and she was obviously angry. I have to say my immediate reaction was - WHO cuts in to the middle of a funeral? I'm in Scotland and as far as I'm aware its hugely disrespectful!

Yes you give way to hearses and funeral processions.

A lot of families can't afford more than one or two funeral cars. In my family the oldest generation gets a car where possible and if there is space then others are allowed in. So you could easily have someone burying their parent but because all the great aunts/uncles/grandparents are in the official cars they have had to be in the next car down the line.

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