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AIBU?

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Original poster

To think my 21 month cannot stay up till midnight at mil 70th party??

128 replies

Cazm2 · 27/12/2013 07:44

Hi all my mil birthday party tomo at a local members club. I have 21 month old DD, we are all going but I am going to bring her home prob 930-1000pm. DH and mil think this is early it's a one off so should stay later! She has just had an exhausting Christmas with 9pm bedtimes and no day naps Christmas or Boxing Day, she is knackered. I cannot get babysitter as everyone has been invited so will bring her home and have to stay home whilst DH stays at party- again getting hassle for!!! Someone please help me out!!!!!!!

OP posts:
NurseRoscoe · 27/12/2013 10:41

LunchLady sorry if I am repeating things but please don't judge!

I've done this - my children would sleep through a hurricane. Granted not all children are the same however if they HAD of been miserable I would of taken them home, if they were fast asleep in their prams I would of stayed with my family.

OP Only you know your child. My 2 year old stayed up til this time at a family wedding and had a lovely time, it was a one off and he didn't need to be up for anything the next day. Play it by ear, let them see for themselves if DD is grumpy then it won't seem as unreasonable to them

MadeOfStarDust · 27/12/2013 10:53

would just go with the flow... I have been "lucky" with mine , they just went places and had fun from an early age... but I didn't really care about having to deal with a fractious child the next day - they get that way sometimes ANYWAY, so may as well go out and have fun....

also "lucky" with family - the kids were looked after by everyone... if they got grumpy with gran, then uncle took over, then aunty, then grampy etc etc.... or hubby/me/any of the family would go off round the block with the buggy and calm things down...

I would go - assume that things will be fine, if they are not, deal with it - don't worry the night away before it has even happened....

Peacesword · 27/12/2013 11:19

My dd grew up sleeping in corners of parties in her buggy. She was a great sleeper as a tiny baby and would sleep anywhere no matter how noisy. And it never affected her the next day, she was not only a great sleeper, she never had a tantrum. I was very very lucky. Not sure what there is to judge there Lunchlady!

If she hasn't been like that though and I was in the op's situation I'd just go to the party and slope off when she'd had enough. It doesn't matter what others think, as long as you are happy with what you are doing. And to keep the peace I'd just say ok, I'll see how it goes rather than insist that you'll be leaving at a certain time.

mrsjay · 27/12/2013 11:23

why don't you play it by ear take her buggy if she starts getting tired and cranky try and get her to sleep there if not take her home , don't make a thing of it and it wont be an issue, personally them expecting you to just stay regardless is wrong but just see how it goes it is one night

Original poster
Cazm2 · 27/12/2013 12:14

I am happy to play be ear but know within reason when she will be tired and miserable just think her welfare is more important than keeping her up for sake of it. Also being told be in laws what I should do with my own child!!

OP posts:
DamnBamboo · 27/12/2013 12:29

Just take a buggy and some blankets.
She'll be fine.

SirChenjin · 27/12/2013 12:34

If you know she'll be tired and miserable then it's a no-brainer - it doesn't matter what anyone's children/babies are like, your DD won't settle in her buggy and will be tired and fractious. Book your cab in advance so that you're prepared, and if by some miracle she's fine you can phone and cancel - otherwise just quietly make your excuses and leave.

mrsjay · 27/12/2013 12:47

it is annoying when people try and organise you I think the Il just want her at the party I wouldn't get into themtrying to tell you what to do just smile and nod and take her home, OR give her to them when she is crying with tiredness and you can slink off and have a dance Grin

maddy68 · 27/12/2013 13:40

I would just pop her in the pram, it's a one off, she will sleep eventually.
I don't understand people who are so precious about such matters, it's not cruel, it's. One off!!!

Minnieisthechristmasmouse · 27/12/2013 15:40

Bet your tone would be different if YOUR family. One night. There's 365 in a year you know....

pumpkinsweetie · 27/12/2013 15:45

Take a pushchair and stay until 10pm and go from there, she may nap in her pushchair & allow you to stay a bit longer or she may be fractious.

Play it by ear, it's a one off

Original poster
Cazm2 · 27/12/2013 16:00

Actually Minnie it wouldn't be different we have left events with my family, if it was my mum I would maybe expect DH to take her home but I think that is fair! It's the idea generally I wouldn't drink much anyhow as I believe I one of us should remain fairly on the ball in case something happens

OP posts:
Original poster
Cazm2 · 27/12/2013 19:04

.

OP posts:
bakingaddict · 27/12/2013 19:23

My kids have never had a problem sleeping in their buggies and parties have never been a problem for me. Same with being on holiday they have happily slept in their prams while we have some after dinner cocktails. I would never delibrately keep a tired child awake but dont understand ladylunchs judgemental attitude. As long as the parents arent getting shitfaced drunk what business is it of hers to condemn other parents for trying to have a bit of a social life

StarlightMcKingsThree · 27/12/2013 19:27

Toddlers are portable and flexible. Bring a blanket, when toddler drops, put on blanket on floor/sofa or buggy.

StarlightMcKingsThree · 27/12/2013 19:27

I'm going to NYE party with 7yr 5yr and 18month. It STARTS at 10pm.

SirChenjin · 27/12/2013 19:34

This is an event at a social club, so nowhere to just put a blanket on a floor or a quiet sofa somewhere.

The thing is, there are plenty of kids who don't just settle wherever you put them - 2 of mine did but one didn't - and the OP has said hers won't. Regardless of whatever other children do, she doesn't want to have to try and settle hers at an adult party in a social club, and why on earth her MIL can't respect that I don't know.

StarlightMcKingsThree · 27/12/2013 19:36

You'll find somewhere if you want it to work. Mine's in a bar.

StarlightMcKingsThree · 27/12/2013 19:37

You don't 'settle' the kid, you just let them be until they drop, then you put them somewhere.

SirChenjin · 27/12/2013 19:39

No - not if the kid doesn't drop but instead becomes hysterical, fractious and grumpy. If you've never had one like that then thank your lucky stars.

StarlightMcKingsThree · 27/12/2013 19:40

That's learned behaviour.

dietcokeandwine · 27/12/2013 19:43

But starlight what if they don't just 'drop'? What if they simply get progressively more and more exhausted and whiney and whingey and eventually just scream inconsolably? And refuse to sleep at all?

My eldest would have obligingly 'dropped', and slept in the buggy. The other two-no way. No 'dropping' and they would have refused to be 'put' anywhere-they would have just cried, and cried, and cried. I have tried it. With some children it just doesn't work.

SirChenjin · 27/12/2013 19:43

Rubbish.

SirChenjin · 27/12/2013 19:44

That 'rubbish' was for Starlight.

jazzandh · 27/12/2013 19:44

If you are desperate for children to attend your parties then you would arrange something reasonably child friendly in the first place. Evening parties are for adults and arranged as such. If it were my parents or my in-laws my 3 year old would not be going in the first place and I would just stay at home (and have done in the past.) DH is quite capable of attending a party by himself!

i don't see a problem with this.....you are responsible for the child and her physical well being. Those wishing her to be there are concerned for themselves not her! They won't be chasing her around...or dealing with the fallout!

I would stand my ground.......