Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think my 21 month cannot stay up till midnight at mil 70th party??

128 replies

Cazm2 · 27/12/2013 07:44

Hi all my mil birthday party tomo at a local members club. I have 21 month old DD, we are all going but I am going to bring her home prob 930-1000pm. DH and mil think this is early it's a one off so should stay later! She has just had an exhausting Christmas with 9pm bedtimes and no day naps Christmas or Boxing Day, she is knackered. I cannot get babysitter as everyone has been invited so will bring her home and have to stay home whilst DH stays at party- again getting hassle for!!! Someone please help me out!!!!!!!

OP posts:
BlackDaisies · 27/12/2013 08:48

I completely agree with you. I also used to be the one who had to deal with miserable children the next day after any sort of late night while ex happily slept off his hangover. I remember getting incensed once when he raved on about what a marvellous night we'd had at a friend's dinner party, where he drank and ate and ignored our children and I spent the night chasing after my young dc's protecting them from the various dangers in their non child friendly house, missed most of the meal dealing with them and then ferried us all home at midnight. (And of course had to get up at silly o'clock to deal with two cranky kids while he slept in.)

Luckily as a more assertive LP now I make my own decisions and never have to put up with such rubbish!

My dc were never ones to fall asleep calmly and happily in a buggy either. Loud music and adults drinking til midnight is no fun for a toddler. If I were you, be more assertive than I was, go, have one drink, say a few loud and ostentatious hellos, go home EVEN EARLIER than you suggest, get her to bed and put your feet up in front of the tv Grin And repeat and repeat "no, it's ok. thanks for the invite but she'll be miserable all day tomorrow from about 5 o'clock in the morning if I keep her up. Don't worry she'll have fun earlier in the evening" etc etc etc

annieorangutan · 27/12/2013 08:55

Yeah its fine god even dh has had all 5 kids on his own whilst we all go on weekends on the piss. Its what we do here.

SirChenjin · 27/12/2013 08:58

What - go 'on the piss' every weekend?

annieorangutan · 27/12/2013 09:00

Not every weekend but whrn we do dh will take everyones kids and not struggle. They will do same for us I have quite a few friends that do this for us or vice versa

200Cigarettes · 27/12/2013 09:01

Yanbu I would leave at 9.30-10pm as planned.

fluffyraggies · 27/12/2013 09:01

None of my 3 would ever sleep in their buggy in a noisy room. They would have just cried. They got tried and fractious by 8ish even.

XILS were always Hmm about me not being prepared to ''strap them into their buggy in the corner and hope for the best''. I wouldn't do that to a pet!

Is it such a big ask to be home from social events by 10/11 for the few years while they are so little?

MrsCampbellBlack · 27/12/2013 09:02

You know your child and if she needs to go to bed at 9pm then just take her home to bed. I wouldn't make a big deal of it but would just slope away quietly.

One of my children would have slept anywhere, one would only sleep in his cot and one - well it was a play it by ear situation.

SirChenjin · 27/12/2013 09:03

I don't have friends who I go 'on the piss' with and we don't pass our DCs around while we do.

I'm with GodRestTEEMerryGenTEEmen

annieorangutan · 27/12/2013 09:05

Hardly passing them around. Suppose its the benefits of always having worked in childcare your best mates are always wanting to look after children!

SomethingkindaOod · 27/12/2013 09:07

I work in child care, there's no bloody way I'm looking after anybody else's kids at the weekend... Grin

SirChenjin · 27/12/2013 09:11

I don't work in childcare - and thank god I don't if it meant I had to look after other people's kids while they went 'on the piss' and vice versa

FirstStopCafe · 27/12/2013 09:13

I don't think it's fair on your dd to keep her up too late. YANBU. You know your dd and know she won't be able to sleep in pushchair so you're doing the right thing to take her home

annieorangutan · 27/12/2013 09:14

I think if you have worked in childcare all your life you just think if you have your own there what difference is another 1 or 10? Grin Its just normal to you well it is to me anyway.

AlaskaNebraska · 27/12/2013 09:15

Mind never slept in buggies. Just agree with mil them do what you want

junkfoodaddict · 27/12/2013 09:18

Go to the party and see how she fairs.

I'm off to a party with my 23 month old tonight and we went last year too when he was a few days shy of his 1st birthday.

We had plans to leave 'early' about 9pm (took his PJs with us so thought dress him for bed, fall asleep in the car and straight to bed). In reality, our DS was having too much fun to leave and 'naturally' got tired at 11pm and so we left.

We're doing the same tonight. We'll take his PJs and watch him for signs of getting tired - usually, yawning, dummy, falling over, whingy at the slightest thing - and go home when he dictates.

Enjoy your night out.

Original poster
Cazm2 · 27/12/2013 09:20

Thanks all I will take buggy to show willing but no she won't sleep, see how it goes just puts me on edge as I know what she is like! I don't leave my kids either to go on piss! I don't think that makes me a bad person!

OP posts:
AmberLeaf · 27/12/2013 09:21

your MIL is unreasonable to expect anything really.

I would play it by ear and have a cab number ready if need be.

out of my 3 children one would have happily slept in his buggy, one would have cried once it reached bedtime and he wasn't at home. The other would have stayed awake as long as I did!

They are all different and you know your child best.

Original poster
Cazm2 · 27/12/2013 09:22

Also I think it's not fair on her to keep her up for everyone esles benefit, esp later when people get drunk roudy etc there are no other kids going as far as aware. Sil has also now jumped on bandwagon no kids herself

OP posts:
AlaskaNebraska · 27/12/2013 09:22

Agree. Just say yeah yeah yeah. Then slope off

SirChenjin · 27/12/2013 09:23

It really, really doesn't make you a bad person if you don't leave your kids to 'go on the piss' Grin

Stand your ground Cazm2 - you are your DD's mother, not your MIL. Go, say hello to everyone, have a nice time, leave when your DD needs her bed. No debate, no discussion - sneak out if needed, but your priority is your DD and not your MIL.

Original poster
Cazm2 · 27/12/2013 09:40

Thank you for reassurance it's now just getting this into DH head too!!!

OP posts:
SirChenjin · 27/12/2013 09:51

Maybe once he's there and tipsy socialising he'll not be too bothered if you just quietly say that your DD is getting fractious and you'll just pop home with her? Tell everyone in advance you'll play it by ear, but have the cab booked for 9pm and sneak off then.

Tractorandtree · 27/12/2013 09:53

Yanbu at all, my 20mo would be a nightmare beyond about 7pm especially in an environment where he can't just run around/explore/play/get into everything.

What I would do to get it through to your dh is as soon as your dd starts to get grumpy/difficult is hand her over to your dh and say she is entirely his responsibility - his job to chase after her/stop her getting into stuff she shouldn't/calm her when she cries/try to get her to sleep/stay in the buggy etc and tell him that when he's had enough you will take her home - if it was my dh he would last about 30-45mins Grin

I cannot see who would benefit from having a grumpy, miserable baby/toddler at a party until midnight - certainly not the baby.

SomethingkindaOod · 27/12/2013 09:54

Just tell him. If he's going to start drinking and leave it all to you then just tell him what you're doing, say breezy affectionate goodbyes to everybody, get your DC to give lovely goodnight kisses to GP's and go. Nobody can get huffy at small children's goodnight kisses Smile

Original poster
Cazm2 · 27/12/2013 10:32

Lol no true I think everyone will be drunk anyway so won't notice if we leave!

OP posts:
Swipe left for the next trending thread