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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think that SIL should not take it upon herself to tell my son off

282 replies

olympicsrock · 27/12/2013 06:11

Another delightful thread about in laws at Christmas time. Yesterday we went to Bil(DH brother) and SILs house. DH and his brother have not been getting on we'll recently but we went because they wanted to play happy families for pil. I need a rant....
We have DS aged just 2 , bil and sil have DC aged 21 months with 'borderline' Developmental delay, walking at 19 months, poor dexterity, no words can't or doesn't use a cup. So as not to dripfeed, around 6 months ago the extended family were concerned about this child ( trying not to out myself by being too specific) but bil and Sil were reluctant to involve health professionals. SIL and I were never great friends in the past as v different but became friends when pregnant . SIL went to a lot a trouble cooking a special meal yesterday the full on Christmas dinner but was v controlling about the plans for the family get together. It irritates me that she never suggests toddler friendly plans (previously suggesting evening meals as her DC loves staying up til 10 pm as one example and then assuming that if we drove 90 mins around lunchtime that our DC would still go for a long afternoon nap while the adults ate. He sleeps in the car if you time it roughly with nap time. So I suggested driving over after lunch spending an afternoon playing with grandparents cousins etc and an early evening meal. I got a text on Christmas day saying that due to some relatives not coming evening meal was now late lunch and could we come earlier. This was despite several emails between me both Sils and MIL making plans. We went at the time arranged previously which was just before time food was being served.

DS was very good sitting in a high chair during the long meal and then played quite nicely with their DC imo. Their was a fair amount of MINE when playing with toys, he didn't want to share toys that he was already playing with. Of course the toys belonged to their DC but DS can't differentiate between the Lego at home and a cousins. Neither child was crying or tantrumming
I was saying things like share nicely but of course he didn't like seeing something he had just done being knocked over. Sil said several times. They are not your toys they are DN' s toys. Then they were very sweet sitting at a little table having a tea party, DS giving DN cups and pieces of cake etc. Then they each had a soft ball sitting at the table. DS loves pairs of things and we play snap. He was pushing his ball to the middle of the table towards DN's ball and saying 'snap' . When DN didn't respond he leaned over further and banged his ball against theirs two or 3 times. Sil said stop that it isn't nice and when I said he's trying to play snap she said 'he had a mean look on his face' . I said nothing but took the ball away and starting playing something else. There were other minor irritations such as SOL give giving DN a biscuit and not DS. He saw and said me wan bic bic. She ignored and then he said me bic bic in my mouth and she still ignored. In the past she has made comments about how boisterous DS is and it annoys me that the differences between the two children are made out to be that DS is anything other than an average 2 year old.

OP posts:
Original poster
olympicsrock · 27/12/2013 12:07

Yes we did say what time we were arriving.
No I don't correct DN' s behaviour.
Prepared to accept that I overreacted about the telling off and that my frustration about the backstory is colouring my judgement. You can't include everything on here. Dh doesn't think iabu by the way and he saw it all first hand.
I asked for some perspective as I realise that I may be over reacting

OP posts:
hobnobsaremyfavourite · 27/12/2013 12:14

god you sound like hard work.
don't go next time it's an invitation not a summons.
oh and fwiw ds3 didn't have 50 words til he was 4 and I had an interfering bat in my life who kept telling me that there was "something wrong with him" he's 9 now and doesn't shut up. He is fine.but I have never forgiven the interfering cow.

neunundneunzigluftballons · 27/12/2013 12:20

I am from a big family I regularly hear some one involved in conflict negotiation with one of mine or me with theres I love my nieces and nephews and it is reciprocated by my siblings for my children. All of it is done with love so no one minds. If something needed a parent to intervene then we would ask the parent but generally not. Tbh I see 2 people who are stressed out by the others input or perceived lack or input and it comes across clearly that you don't get on which is the real issue.

RhondaJean · 27/12/2013 12:22

So 6 months ago when this child was what 13 months the family were on to get her assessed for dd?

And I presume the apple juice is in a bottle because she struggles with a cup?

Yabvvvu and ignoring the whole story around it if you react in this way to someone gently correcting your child or your child not getting something when everyone else is, and keep this up, good luck with the teenager you will end up with. Tbh all the rest is utterly irrelevant.

CalorHousewifeoftheYear · 27/12/2013 12:23

You sound like hard, hard work. Silent raised eyebrow?

You have valid reasons for not liking her, but on what you've posted you were BVU. And I say this as a Nursery teacher of many PFB - normal toddler play can be REALLY annoying to others and sometimes the adults need to intervene.

CalorHousewifeoftheYear · 27/12/2013 12:25

Also, to be fair to SIL if you are all silentas fuck raised eyebrow about apple juice, she may well have assumed that your eyebrows would get talkative about a biscuit.

Original poster
olympicsrock · 27/12/2013 12:26

Something thanks for understanding the upsetting religious comments about my dying friend. I am certainly not completely in the wrong here.

Wish we did not have to play happy families. All for pil' s benefit. We've already been given dates for 2 more occasions :-(

OP posts:
ChristmasCareeristBitchNigel · 27/12/2013 12:27

I thought you said you SIL told your son off ? Did you miss the punchline off your OP ?

hobnobsaremyfavourite · 27/12/2013 12:28

oh stop playing the martyr. dont go if you hate it so much. and I find your ability to acknowledge the few "supportive" posts whilst ignoring the majority that disagree with you quite enlightening.

everlong · 27/12/2013 12:29

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
olympicsrock · 27/12/2013 12:33

So who else on here thinks it's ok to give a 9 month old baby neat Apple juice in a bottle regularly. No prob with baby taking milk or water she just though DN might like it better. I said nothing but may have looked surprised.
Yes can't drink from a cup.

OP posts:
ItsBiggerOnTheInside · 27/12/2013 12:33

Nice try everlong!! Mine does do these things, as it goes Grin I have learned to take a step back and chill about it. Which is exactly the advice I have given op

There are seriously more important things in life to get worked up about. op is over reacting

RhondaJean · 27/12/2013 12:34

Is this baby 9 months or 19? Are there two babies?

hobnobsaremyfavourite · 27/12/2013 12:35

ITS NOT NEAT VODKA AND IT ISN'T YOUR CHILD
HTH.

Original poster
olympicsrock · 27/12/2013 12:35

Much easier to acknowledge supportive posts individually as there are so few :-))

OP posts:
everlong · 27/12/2013 12:37

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
olympicsrock · 27/12/2013 12:37

DN is now 21 months have referred to earlier differences in parenting styles

OP posts:
vestandknickers · 27/12/2013 12:39

Why are you banging on about the apple juie now? Has the penny finally dropped that the poor woman didn't actually do anything wrong at this lunch party?

Gileswithachainsaw · 27/12/2013 12:41

I did give apple juice occasionally. Felt the relief from any constipation justified it.

D0G · 27/12/2013 12:41

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

RhondaJean · 27/12/2013 12:42

So you're dragging up something from a year ago? I'm really confused now sorry.

Look I think it's better just to admit you don't like her and you don't particularly want to spend time with her and not go in future. There is nothing wrong with not liking people but the truth is sil hasn't done anything wrong here so yabu.

Whether you like it or not.

And yes sil was bu about your friend but that's not what the thread was about?

ChristmasCareeristBitchNigel · 27/12/2013 12:44

Everlong, DHs family regularly tell DD off, in my presence. I don't have eyes in the back of my head and if i don't see what is going on then i am grateful for another adult intervening. We all tell each others children off. Nobody bats an eyelid.

IMO this "some horrible person dared to tell off my little angel" attitude is why there are so many badly behaved children with the attitude of nobody tells m what to do.

carrotcakeandwine · 27/12/2013 12:44

Much easier to acknowledge supportive posts individually as there are so few

Take a hint then perhaps? Hmm

ChristmasCareeristBitchNigel · 27/12/2013 12:45

easier to acknowledge supportive posts individually as there are so few

And this doesn't tell you something ?

ItsBiggerOnTheInside · 27/12/2013 12:46

Fabulous cross posting there Grin

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