to think that SIL should not take it upon herself to tell my son off

[olympicsrock]

Another delightful thread about in laws at Christmas time. Yesterday we went to Bil(DH brother) and SILs house. DH and his brother have not been getting on we'll recently but we went because they wanted to play happy families for pil. I need a rant....
We have DS aged just 2 , bil and sil have DC aged 21 months with 'borderline' Developmental delay, walking at 19 months, poor dexterity, no words can't or doesn't use a cup. So as not to dripfeed, around 6 months ago the extended family were concerned about this child ( trying not to out myself by being too specific) but bil and Sil were reluctant to involve health professionals. SIL and I were never great friends in the past as v different but became friends when pregnant . SIL went to a lot a trouble cooking a special meal yesterday the full on Christmas dinner but was v controlling about the plans for the family get together. It irritates me that she never suggests toddler friendly plans (previously suggesting evening meals as her DC loves staying up til 10 pm as one example and then assuming that if we drove 90 mins around lunchtime that our DC would still go for a long afternoon nap while the adults ate. He sleeps in the car if you time it roughly with nap time. So I suggested driving over after lunch spending an afternoon playing with grandparents cousins etc and an early evening meal. I got a text on Christmas day saying that due to some relatives not coming evening meal was now late lunch and could we come earlier. This was despite several emails between me both Sils and MIL making plans. We went at the time arranged previously which was just before time food was being served.

DS was very good sitting in a high chair during the long meal and then played quite nicely with their DC imo. Their was a fair amount of MINE when playing with toys, he didn't want to share toys that he was already playing with. Of course the toys belonged to their DC but DS can't differentiate between the Lego at home and a cousins. Neither child was crying or tantrumming
I was saying things like share nicely but of course he didn't like seeing something he had just done being knocked over. Sil said several times. They are not your toys they are DN' s toys. Then they were very sweet sitting at a little table having a tea party, DS giving DN cups and pieces of cake etc. Then they each had a soft ball sitting at the table. DS loves pairs of things and we play snap. He was pushing his ball to the middle of the table towards DN's ball and saying 'snap' . When DN didn't respond he leaned over further and banged his ball against theirs two or 3 times. Sil said stop that it isn't nice and when I said he's trying to play snap she said 'he had a mean look on his face' . I said nothing but took the ball away and starting playing something else. There were other minor irritations such as SOL give giving DN a biscuit and not DS. He saw and said me wan bic bic. She ignored and then he said me bic bic in my mouth and she still ignored. In the past she has made comments about how boisterous DS is and it annoys me that the differences between the two children are made out to be that DS is anything other than an average 2 year old.

Can't be bothered to repeat what pp's have said but I have to say I just LOVE the parent who thinks blandly saying "share nicely" is parenting. Those are the ones we tend to avoid at social gatherings and their children rarely know what sharing is but their parents can smile smugly at their amazing super nanny stylee parenting.

Hardly - what a load of rubbish!

Yes tikka forgot to mention as OP was long and then was getting flamed.

Old bag I.'ve never said that I don't give DS these things. That would been been seen as critical when we were last together. Both quite young.

I took food as he is a fussy little beggar and previously sil has made cheese on toast which DS hates. No other choices were on offer.
Luckily he had eaten a couple of mini sausages and carrot sticks for the late lunch . He was a bit but not v hungry ie snack would been great

Was that to me Goldenbear?!

OK so your DS is fussy with food but your SIL should have catered especially for him?

Now you really are starting to pick fault.

I suggest you take a break from your SIL and maybe see each other again when the kids are up a bit.

Hazeyjane, nothing whatsoever to do with aspirations, It is the 'reality' of life- who occupies positions of power now and in the future and if you want to change that or you want your child to have evey available opportunity, then you better ensure your child does not get hung up on things that don't matter!

It is not the 2 year old's responsibility to accommodate the DD. it is unfair to expect him to behave anything other than his age.

Look, OP, this is all getting silly.

You don't like your sister in law. That's fine: plenty of people don't like their in-laws.

You don't think your sister in law is very good at raising her own child, and you're not happy about the way she treats yours. That's OK too, you know.

Why not leave it at that at not bother seeing her?

Instead, you've got an endless litany of whinges about apple juice, biscuits, cheese on toast, breaded chicken pieces, all of them with the subtext of "I'm right here, she's wrong, yes?" Why does it worry you so much? You don't like her. So don't see her, then. Where's the hard part?

then you better ensure your child does not get hung up on things that don't matter!

getting hung up on things? like the OP is?

No old bag I took food as it was my responsibility and had learned from only cheese on toast experience. but having presented the wine cake and toddler food it was her kitchen. Don't mess with a busy hostesses oven. I said nothing just fed when we got home. He had eaten something anyway.
Had no idea that I would have to justify every tiny point as thought iwnbu when I posted...
Will certainly be taking a break though.difficult to decline at the risk of offending by not attending next family gathering.

No things like pointing out to a 2 year old that the toys he's playing with, specifically Lego, that is good for playing together with, is not his and he should as a 'guest' realise how important this is??

Is this the same sil who offended you by wanting to give Christmas presents?

Personally, I can't stand the parents that make an issue out of a non issue!

You both clearly dislike the other and are as bad as each other. Apart from the biscuit thing, she did nothing wrong. You keep dragging up loads of old stuff and it's making you look very petty. Let it go!

Goldenbear, we just have different views. I don't look at the children who attend the huge public school at the end of our road, and their parents, and think that my family have to emulate anything they do.

What is wrong with trying to teach a 2 year old to accomodate for their younger cousins delays? I have always tried to teach my dds to be kind, especially if a child is younger or is struggling.

It's not emulating- I can't think of anything worse. It's understanding that some people are not very nice and won't care about feelings or be kind to get what they want. Being highly sensitive about every slight is a disadvantage as whilst you're fretting about all of this, they would've moved on and be enjoying themselves- no doubt! Being kind and not being highly sensitive are not mutually exclusive.

There is nothing wrong with trying to teach a 2 year about patience with a a younger child with possible DD but there is something very wrong and nasty about insisting in that level of maturity from a 2 year old!

Sorry I think it's you. Poor SIL.

Now I am completely confused - surely it is the op who is being highly sensitive, about her ds being told off by her sil!

Had no idea that I would have to justify every tiny point as thought iwnbu when I posted.

Nobody's asking you to justify everything. YOU'RE the one bringing up more and more little things all by yourself, so there's no wonder people are asking for some clarification as it's all a bit at the minute!

Frusso I think you win the thread. I'm bowing out as have had a nice email from MIL who said how nice the afternoon was and how delighted that her 2 GC played so nicely together. So despite all being a long afternoon at least we achieved the goal. As she was right there at the time of the ball banging I think her opinion counts for
more than you lot.

so why did you ask olympics? I'm confused.