Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Gendered toys- why so bad?

94 replies

ThePollyAndTheIvy · 26/12/2013 23:53

I just don't understand why they're such a problem.

Don't get me wrong, if my DS (once born) wanted to play with barbies or dolls I would have no issue with it, I just genuinely don't understand the MN dislike of gendered toys?

Please don't think I'm being sarcastic or facetious, I honestly don't know enough of the reasoning to form an opinion and would like to know more!

OP posts:
sleepywombat · 27/12/2013 02:47

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Alisvolatpropiis · 27/12/2013 02:53
Sad

I do think it's more difficult for boys to not like "boys toys" than it is for girls to not like "girls toys".

At least with you sleepy your boys have a mum who understands and knows what they enjoy. That is important, I think.

daisychain01 · 27/12/2013 03:17

A lot of the toys marketed at girls are either to improve appearance or play at domestic duties, which socialises girls into what's expected of them as they become adults They narrow the horizons for young girls

How is that so? Surely to goodness the toys don't narrow horizons? Not if parents are there reinforcing the expectation that girls and boys should care about appearance and are capable of doing domestic duties. Their messages are going to be more powerful if backed up by actions - getting boys involved in housework, for a start!

Defnotsupergirl · 27/12/2013 03:39

I'm going to stick my neck out here and say it doesn't matter what you do - centuries of hormone originating outcomes from birth for children I.e. Carer and mother for girls, protector and provider for boys cannot be wiped out in a couple of generations. Nor do I think they necessarily should be..... It would be going against nature to suggest a woman is not the gender that gives birth and primarily looks after the children.

I was a girl child that hated dolls and wanted Lego though......

What I do find really, really anger inducing is any suggestion that girls be limited in their life choices and not have the same opportunities as any boy. So what I am really saying is toys don't bother me, adults conditioning children through attitudes and teaching do. As long as the primary carers of a child always promote equal opportunity based on achievement I really don't think it matters what toys a child plays with.

JapaneseMargaret · 27/12/2013 03:56

There are none so blind as those who will not see.

All around us we an see society is geared towards women as nurturers and care-givers and men as the workers with the higher salaries and greater opportunities.

All round us we can see examples of families where the women do the lion's share of the housework while the men opt out of many tasks.

We are socialised down gender lines from the start of our lives and on a continuous basis.

And if you don't think the marketing of toys along gender lines has anything to do with this much bigger picture which is all around us, you are, at best, naive.

However, as is so often the case when it comes to issues like these, there are too many people who just can't, or don't want to, think about it. Who can't join the dots and make the links between the seemingly 'small' things and how they feed into the bigger issues.

There is no explaining to these people. They simple will not see it.

In any case - why cling to the idea hat toys need to be labelled as 'for boys' or 'for girls'? Why can't they be labeled 'cars' or 'trucks' or 'prams' or 'dress-ups'?

Why limit your market?

TokenGirl1 · 27/12/2013 04:21

When my 2 year old ds dressed up in his sister's pink tutu my dbs partner referred to him as a "gay boy"!!!

I absolutely hate this perception that boys should like one type of toy and girls another.

My in-laws on the other side have also made comments about my him playing with "girls toys" (their wording, not mine).

My dp thinks that I steer him towards pink toys to make a point but that's not true.

My gorgeous 3 year old ds loves his new toy buggy (his sister got one too), his new toy train, the Minnie Mouse colouring pad and his digger jumper. I got him things for Christmas that I knew he liked. He likes almost anything that his big sister likes because he looks up to her and wants to be like her. It's sad that society in general brownstone this and I'm conscious that he will receive more comments in the future and for his own protection, he won't be wearing pink socks to nursery despite them being his favourite. At home he can wear and play with whatever he likes....

Sadly his 5 yo sister has already been swayed by boys/girls things and was horrified at receiving a digger at Christmas.

TokenGirl1 · 27/12/2013 04:22

Frown on not brownstone!

GoodnessKnows · 27/12/2013 04:43

Irrespective of the toys, children aren't born you-gendered. My DS loved to dress as a bride or fairy while playing in the kitchen. My DD likes dinosaurs and cars (DS didn't). With the exception of one toy I saw in this year's local Xmas grotto (named Girls' Stuff - containing make up and cleaning materials, including a mop n broom), I find some of my closest friends to have worryingly biased ideas. They are too scared/ wary of having girly dressing up, a toy kitchen, etc. for their boys and this is exacerbated by their husbands protestations. Really! I find THAT more shocking.

GoodnessKnows · 27/12/2013 04:43

Toy-gendered - not 'you-gendered!

JapaneseMargaret · 27/12/2013 04:56

But that's the clincher: the husbands and male partners are only like this because of years of ingrained messaging telling them X is for boys and Y is for girls.

That people can't join the dots and see what is going on is incredible.

annieorangutan · 27/12/2013 04:58

Although they are named by shops as girls and boys toys everyonr knows its just a marketing technique and does what they want anyway.

Sparkletshirt · 27/12/2013 08:11

Everybody's different but everybody wants to fit in. Dd decided herself she wanted girlie pink things although I've given her Thomas the Tank Engine etc, so whilst she loves dinosaurs as much as fairy wings and animal fancy dress as much as girlie dresses, it's a huge worry some idiot will eventually have a go that she likes toy cars and trains and her feelings will be hurt at being rejected, so she won't do what she enjoys doing anymore.

MrsWembley · 27/12/2013 08:24

Morning, Caitlin.

Yes, in some parts of society it is still difficult to step outside of the gendered norms and opt for some jobs that are seen as 'men's/women's roles'. Only when no-one, absolutely no-one raises an eyebrow at a girl who wants to work on a building site or a boy who wants to just stay home and look after his DCs will we have a completely sexually equal society.

MrsWembley · 27/12/2013 12:38

Don't know if anybody heard it, sure it'll be available on iPlayer, but Woman's Hour had a very interesting piece on exactly this subject this morning.

mrsjay · 27/12/2013 13:12

just because shops gender toys doesn't mean buyers need too it is a bit of a hooha over nothing imo if you don't want your little girl playing with a pink teaset dont buy it but what if your little girl wants a pink teaset what do people do then ? i have dds I just bought them toys regardless if they were in the boy or girls section

mrsjay · 27/12/2013 13:14

sparkle my eldest would play with cars and whatnot as a little girl she had no problem fitting in she just found friends like her, dd2 thought unicorns shit glitter as a little girl now she is into graphic novels and Batman but she still loves a bit of glitter and getting dressed up ,

Tuhlulah · 27/12/2013 14:24

Before I had children I would have argued until the cows came home against biological determinism. However, experience shows me (at least) that things aren't that simple.

When DS was about 3, he saw a doll in a charity shop, and asked for it. I bought it even though it was the ugliest doll I have ever seen. How did he play with it? Did he nurture it? Did he cuddle it? No. He ran it over with his truck on its head, and then rescued it dressed as a fireman. None of this was taught behaviour. He had a range of dressing up clothes from fairies to policemen, angels to builders and wizards.

Unfortunately, now (at 12) his peer group have more influence over him than I. So he scorns anything 'girly', despite once loving pink and liking to wear fairy wings.

Gender is something that we as a society impose on children, not just individual family units. You have little chance of creating truly non racist, non sexist men and women whilst we are exposed to bigotry of others, and while children are just conveniently manipulatable units of potential consumption.

Sparkletshirt · 27/12/2013 16:44

That's good to know mrsjay. When I was a teenager, still very impressionable I was delighted to get a try at a car mechanics. All I ever wanted was to wear a boiler suit and be covered in oil. Everybody there thought I was a freak and on the 3rd day one of the younger men told me to 'go home and take a bath'. I didn't have the heart to go back.

I love that unicorns shit glitter! That is briliant! I really need dd to ask me where glitter comes from now Xmas Grin

aGnotherGnuletideGreeting · 27/12/2013 17:01

Because play is massively important in developing a child's interests in the real world, and early exposure to different types of toys can influence life choices.

Preschool children are comfortable playing with anything, however it is labelled, but this is not the case as they get older. Science and construction toys clearly target boys. Women are massively underrepresented in the physical and engineering sciences; when you talk to people who are engineers or scientists, they often tell you that their interest was sparked by their chemistry set or meccano. So yes, I think gender-categorisation in toys is a real issue.

Rachelx92 · 27/12/2013 17:04

I have a nearly 3yo dd and most of her toys are pink and feminine but I bought her a pirate ship for xmas as she loves Jake and the neverland pirates and she absolutely loves it. I wouldn't hesitate to buy her "boys toys" in the future. She's also got toy cars which she plays with but at the same time she's very girly

feelathome · 27/12/2013 19:57

The way toys are marketed is only one part of the drip drip effect in our society that 'tells' us what girls and boys, women and men 'should' be like.
However, toys are a huge part of a child's life, and play is the way they socialise with their friends and learn. As parents we may choose to buy our children toys from any section of the shop, but until society agrees that there are no 'sections', peer pressure will have more impact than a parent.
So whilst toys may seem a tiny, minor part of the fight for equality to an adult, to a child they have a massive impact, and once things are learnt and attitudes formed at such a young age it is very difficult to 'unlern' tem.

ouryve · 27/12/2013 20:03

I wanted to get DS1 a particular craft set, when he was little but he decided he didn't want it because the packaging was pink and it was on the "girl" shelf - he came to the conclusion that he wasn't supposed to have it. Argos had all their craft materials on the "girl" pages at that point, which was equally offputting to him.

Similarly, it's a bit bloody ridiculous, not to say insulting to put chemistry sets on "boy" shelves while girls have make up sets in the same sort of position. The gender division is just unnecessary. It just needs to be packaged neutrally, organised on shelves by topic and people entrusted with the common sense to decide for themselves whether it would be suitable for their children.

mrsjay · 27/12/2013 20:07

love that unicorns shit glitter! That is briliant! I really need dd to ask me where glitter comes from now

Grin

sparkle that is such a shame you gave up your course my eldest is doing what is considered a male degree and she loves it and has been doing a few jobs connected to it and building up contacts for when she graduates

formerbabe · 27/12/2013 20:08

Its very interesting to see how boys and girls react to the same toy. I bought a toy Santa...my dd sat him down and got out the plastic food and plates and 'made' him some food. My ds used him for karate practice!

I am easy going, they can play with whatever toys they want, but I feel strongly that boys should not be denied their masculinity.

Swipe left for the next trending thread