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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Gendered toys- why so bad?

94 replies

ThePollyAndTheIvy · 26/12/2013 23:53

I just don't understand why they're such a problem.

Don't get me wrong, if my DS (once born) wanted to play with barbies or dolls I would have no issue with it, I just genuinely don't understand the MN dislike of gendered toys?

Please don't think I'm being sarcastic or facetious, I honestly don't know enough of the reasoning to form an opinion and would like to know more!

OP posts:
Celticlassie · 27/12/2013 00:44

In toys r us, there was a black/grey keyboard with mike with a boy playing with it on the box and a pink one with a girl. A purple drum kit for a boy, and pink for a girl. Since when were musical instruments gendered?? There was also a pink feckin bow and arrow ffs!

JassyRadlett · 27/12/2013 00:45

Alis, in my experience (I used to be a nanny, lots of friends with older kids), the period in which parents are the primary-to-sole influence on their kids' choices is pretty short. Peers (influenced by their own parents, exposure to marketing, etc) are a pretty powerful influence.

Alisvolatpropiis · 27/12/2013 00:51

Jasey

That is true. But parental influence in formative years is strong.

I will concede I did not "fit" with people my own age until my 20's.

I don't think my parents had a strong "no gendered toys" mindset at all, it just didn't cross their minds that I couldn't have them because I was a girl nor that my brother couldn't have certain toys because he was a boy.

BIWI · 27/12/2013 00:58

It's not just about parents though, is it? It's about how children are exposed to these things. And you take your children shopping with you from a very early age, when they see things segregated into pink and blue. And they very quickly learn that pink is for girls and blue is for boys.

JassyRadlett · 27/12/2013 01:00

I don't disagree and I'm doing my damnedest too! But as someone else said, it feels like the explicit gender ring of toys has got much worse since I was a kid and it's inevitable that will affect children's (and some parents') choices. Why do there need to be clearly labelled girls and boys sections in toyshops or toy departments? It makes an uphill battle that much harder for no good reason.

Alisvolatpropiis · 27/12/2013 01:04

I don't recall being overly effected by pink/blue aisles as a little girl.

Perhaps times have changed but my parents most certainly did have more influence over me than the colours in the aisles of Toys R Us.

BIWI · 27/12/2013 01:04

But it isn't about being gay, at all!

It's about pigeon-holing girls and boys as being 'suitable' for certain types of toys. So girls are pushed towards 'domestic' kinds of toys, like cookers, ironing boards, babies, etc whereas boys are pushed towards cars and science stuff.

So perpetuating the myths that girls/boys are only good for certain kinds of interests - and ultimately jobs/careers

Being gay doesn't figure in any of this at all. Being gay is something that is part of who you are - it isn't anything to do with how we programme our children.

MrsWembley · 27/12/2013 01:18

It's all very well for people who, like me, say 'I don't give a shit what they say, if my son wants to play with dolls/daughter wants to play with cars, he/she can', but society, unfortunately, can have a pretty dim view of these things.

My DS loves to walk around in his sister's dress-up shoes, little slip-on shoes with heels and sparkles and stuff. It makes me giggle, an act which in itself is a display of social norms, letting people know that I know that this is an unnatural act.Sad My DP expresses concern in his 'oh ffs.' This is his way of telling society that he knows it is unnatural too. Neither of us actually care about what he plays with, as long as he is happy. Neither of us really believe in the idea that one toy should be for a girl and not a boy and vice versa, but we are both aware that this is not how society behaves and society is slow to change.

So, if he still wants to play with high heels and princess/fairy wands at the age of ten, we know we have to be prepared for the treatment he will receive from his peers. This is why the gendering of toys is wrong.

Maybe when my DCs have DCs of their own, they will be able to continue past babyhood playing with anything they chose to without any fear of any kind of stigma. Maybe then a girl will be able to say that, when she grows up, she wants to be a plumber, with none of her peers mocking her or a boy can tell his friends, without worrying about their reaction, that he wants to become a nurse. Maybe then the idea of worrying about equal rights will be the thing that gets strange looks, because it's completely unnecessary to worry about it.

IneedAsockamnesty · 27/12/2013 01:19

I don't recall being overly effected by pink/blue aisles as a little girl

That's because if your over 30 they didn't really exist

Alisvolatpropiis · 27/12/2013 01:22

sock

I'm not over 30...

IneedAsockamnesty · 27/12/2013 01:39

alis

Well you should be Xmas Grin because then my post would make sense to you and you would have fond memories of proper Lego,the stuff that came in huge boxes and you could build what ever you wanted without feeling obliged to follow a stupid picture on a box and it was all multi coloured

MrsTerrysChocolateOrange · 27/12/2013 01:42

It's all a drip drip drip. DD (now 3, then 2) was playing happily with a toy car in Walmart and a little boy came over and said, "that's a boy's toy". I kid you not. So, at 2 she is being shown that a boy is allowed to tell her what to play with based on her gender not on my watch, thankfully. His parents didn't seem to mind him saying that to her Hmm.

Where did he get that idea? I was holding car keys at the time, it's probably not observation of adult roles.

Alisvolatpropiis · 27/12/2013 01:44

sock

I flipping hated Lego as a kid. And mechano. I so wanted to make things but I'm so unartistic Sad

Alisvolatpropiis · 27/12/2013 01:46

sock

The fairly recent pink Lego think did make me Hmm in all fairness.

There are toys I think - it's been popular for years, why are you faffing with it?!

IneedAsockamnesty · 27/12/2013 01:48

When I was a kid mechano was metal and sturdy and I was sure if I had enough I could build a truck, I would have shown you how to build cool stuff

Alisvolatpropiis · 27/12/2013 01:51

Mechano was metal when I had it.

Some passed down to me from my Mum. I simply have no artistic ability. Zero.

Give me some Play Mobil and I'll give you zoo's, parks, ships (and then not touch them because I "imagine" all the actual playing).

sleepywombat · 27/12/2013 01:59

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Alisvolatpropiis · 27/12/2013 02:05

sleepy

Is that a case of not knowing them very well as individual people?

If you don't want them to have guns, I would make that clear.

I disagree with gun usage outside of work necessity so wouldn't want my children to have toy ones.

sleepywombat · 27/12/2013 02:10

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Alisvolatpropiis · 27/12/2013 02:18

sleepy

That's quite sad for your boys.

I'm not sure if it is a working class thing to stereotype or a geographical thing.

I know a few women in my area, who have bought their boys "smoking slippers" with cat faces on them, high street versions of the Charlotte Olympia shoes.

I appeared image it's a fine line between encouraging your children to be themselves at all times and opening up an avenue for teasing but perhaps as they get older giving people set things to buy your sons would avoid disappointment?

sleepywombat · 27/12/2013 02:18

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Alisvolatpropiis · 27/12/2013 02:19

Ahem - *i appreciate that it's...

I blame alcohol and autocorrect.

sleepywombat · 27/12/2013 02:25

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Caitlin17 · 27/12/2013 02:27

Mrs Wembley does anyone still think there's anything odd about a boy saying he wants to be a nurse? Or a girl a plumber for that matter.

Alisvolatpropiis · 27/12/2013 02:29

sleepy

Like these charlotte olympia cat flats

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