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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be upset by this 'joke'?

27 replies

volvocowgirl · 26/12/2013 18:02

Other half is wankered. We're at his family Boxing Day do (which consists of the men getting stupidly drunk and the women knowing their place and looking after them/preparing food/cleaning/looking after kids/etc) - I don't usually mind this as I can drink them under the table and handle the sexist/stupid comments quite wittily (usually). However I'm nearly eight months pregnant so I'm relegated to Des and having to listen to the stupidity.

Anyway, OH's nieces and nephews (under 10s) were playing about, jumping around, being loud, etc. and OH said, very loudly, "Is it too late for an abor...." (Stopped there as he had realised what he'd said) at which point drunk (and usually lovely) BIL said repeated OH's 'joke' though completed it!

I'm livid. I know he didn't really mean it. But considering he knows two of my closest friends have had their babies die in utero in their last trimester over recent years and my paranoia over the same happening to us, AIBU to expect OH not to be such a dick and not to have made this joke?

OP posts:
Rachelx92 · 26/12/2013 18:06

Sorry but I don't find that funny at all even if he is plastered. Many couples crave to even carry a baby and something like that would break their hearts

foreverondiet · 26/12/2013 18:07

He is drunk what do you expect???

Tinkertaylor1 · 26/12/2013 18:08

It's a very very bad poor taste joke. I hope you told him so.

ElloGuvnor · 26/12/2013 18:08

Oh Volvo, how horrible for you. As you say, he's drunk and didn't mean it but he was out of order all the same. Hope your evening improves.

Topaz25 · 26/12/2013 18:08

YANBU, I would be livid too. It's extremely insensitive, especially considering your friend's losses. I guess you just have to weigh that one comment against his attitude to your pregnancy in general and how repentant he is now he realises he has upset you.

Gossipmonster · 26/12/2013 18:08

He won't be thinking about your friends he's a bloke - they would need to be there in front of him for that?

Sounds like he said it without thinking as he regretted it before he'd completed the sentance?

Glimmerberry · 26/12/2013 18:09

Well in a way YABU aren't you, since you're having a child with a man who thinks it's reasonable to take you into this situation -getting wankered, making you des while 8 months pregnant, in a setting where the women are subserviant...if you've chosen this, why expect more than a pathetic "joke" about abortion in front of DC?

SilverApples · 26/12/2013 18:09

He and his family sound unlovely.
But you know they are pissed, sexist, stupid wankers with attendant handmaidens, so why are you bothered? Let it go.
You seem an odd addition to the family TBH. Mismatch.

CSIJanner · 26/12/2013 18:09

YANBU - he isn't just a dick, he's a fucking disgrace. I hope he has his tail between his legs in abject horror at how m

Topaz25 · 26/12/2013 18:10

I didn't realise you were still at the party. It's best to wait to discuss it till he is sober. Hopefully he will really regret it tomorrow.

CSIJanner · 26/12/2013 18:10

YANBU - he isn't just a dick, he's a fucking disgrace. I hope he has his tail between his legs in abject horror at how much a twat he was. Drunk or not, that's a nasty thing to say

CSIJanner · 26/12/2013 18:11

Sorry about double posting and language - new iOS on the phone plus vino do not mix :(

cantheyseeme · 26/12/2013 18:12

Hes pissed and showing off, not funny but not the end of the world. I kinda think yab a tiny bit u Confused

Just remind him in the morning, i bet he'll be horrified.

Wibblypiglikesbananas · 26/12/2013 18:12

How horrid. Can you leave? He thinks it's funny to joke about aborting his unborn child?! Being drunk is NOT an excuse.

MichaelaS · 26/12/2013 18:14

YANBU. The correct response is "yes, but it's not too late for a divorce".

The fact he stopped does seem to me like he realised it was a stupid thing to say and I would give him some credit there. But I would be chewing his ear off when he sobered up.

ENormaSnob · 26/12/2013 18:16

I would have walked out tbh.

I can laugh at the crudest stuff but that is really really nasty.

PacificDingbat · 26/12/2013 18:16

YANBU.

Being drunk disinhibits people, it does not give them different personalities to their usual one.
They may be successful in maintaining a veneer of civility when sober, but they are likely to think similar stuff 'funny' when not drunk.
Hmm

complexnumber · 26/12/2013 18:22

Maybe he could have said 'Can they go and play in the traffic now?'

I heard a restaurant owner say that a while ago, addressed to small children running around during a function.

I confess I did giggle a bit, as did all others within earshot.

astyinmyeye · 26/12/2013 18:27

What a dick Sad

harriet247 · 26/12/2013 18:29

Get in the car drive home nice snuggly pjs and bed. That is what you need. Wanker.

glasgowsteven · 26/12/2013 18:40

In vino veritas

In wine comes the truth

Am tee total and hate the way it turns normally lovely people into bunts

complexnumber · 26/12/2013 18:42

But considering he knows two of my closest friends have had their babies die in utero in their last trimester over recent years

The 'joke' may well be out of taste. But you are being unreasonable to expect him to carry around every single event that you might be sensitive to.

IMO of course.

LynetteScavo · 26/12/2013 18:44

Being drunk is no excuse.

At least he stopped himself...

Not funny at all and I would be Angry for quite some time.

YANBU.

DziezkoDisco · 26/12/2013 18:47

I'ld be more fucked off at having to run around drunk men on boxing day, unless of course they cooked, and washed up and ran around after the kids all yesterday.

Sounds a total pratt.

Holdthepage · 26/12/2013 20:08

Why don't you leave & let him pay for a taxi home. Maybe he will think twice about using such tactless & vile comments to a pregnant woman in future.

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