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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Aibu - she gave it to my sister

91 replies

CaptainTripps · 26/12/2013 16:39

I'm not sure I am prepared to be told I am being unreasonable. Anyway... today I gave my mum a lovely and expensive and designery jumper that has only been worn a few times. It isn't a xmas present. It is gorgeous and it was pricey but I just haven't been wearing it. I mean - I might wear it at some point but I thought I could make good use of it by giving it to mum.

So I gave it to my mum - specifying it was for her and her alone. If she didn't want it, I would have another use for it. Keep it for a special occasion maybe? I asked her if she wanted it and she said she would indeed love to have it. I laboured the point that it was for her etc.

She has given it to my sister.

I feel incredibly awkward about it. Not that I don't love my sis but it was for mum.

Aibu to specify who it goes to? I mean - once you give something to someone, does it become none of one's business? I wanted to gift it to my mum and my mum alone. Is that unreasonable? Fgs if she wan't that fussed she could have said. But she didn't. She accepted it. And I did labour the point.

OP posts:

Caitlin17 · 26/12/2013 20:03

wetaugustI don't think loving clothes is facile or shallow. I have some really lovely stuff and the girls I gave the stuff were thrilled to get clothes way out of their price range.

TheSmallClanger · 26/12/2013 20:03

Giving someone a jumper you never wear is not a sacrifice. Seriously, it isn't. As you don't seem to have other problems with your family, I think you are being a drama llama. Just forget about the bloody jumper and move on. In future, don't give things away.

fivegolddeblooms · 26/12/2013 20:09

I get it, OP.

Your Mum didn't have to take it, but she did.

Your sister sat there in the same room, watching the exchange, then basically snaffled it.

So what if some snidey gobshites on here consider it not good enough as it was 'only second hand' it had worth to you and you gave it to your Mum, who was then demonstrably unappreciative.

YANBU.

pianodoodle · 26/12/2013 20:11

I wanted my mum to have it. From my OP - I just haven't been wearing it. I mean - I might wear it at some point but I thought I could make good use of it by giving it to my mum.

This just seems a really complicated way to "give" something to someone. It's too ambiguous. Either you are lending it or giving it.

If you say you might wear it at some point you are lending it and should have just asked your mum if she wanted to borrow it. That would have made things clearer than giving it with conditions attached.

Mignonette · 26/12/2013 20:11

DH gave a really cool pair of Wayfarers to his son after the son mooned over them and said if he got tired of them he'd have them back (because son follows trends and might not wear them for long). The son gave them to his sisters BF (who admired them) and the BF dumped the sister two days later.

GRRRRRRRRRR

Caitlin17 · 26/12/2013 20:27

I was wondering about the jumper too. All I can think of that would be so special would be something like a genuine hand knitted Fair Isle or Arran which can cost hundreds of pounds, but they're not special occasion wear and you can get loads of wear out of them.

PosyNarker · 26/12/2013 21:21

I get it OP.

There's a difference (income dependent of course) between giving away something you got in Primark randomly and something you picked up in Harvey Nichols or really fancied for a long time before buying maybe with a small discount.

I have a dress that's the latter. It's a gorgeous bandage dress that is a just a little too tight now, although it was a perfect fit when I got it. If I gave it to someone and they regifted it, I'd be royally fucked off because it would genuinely be a gift and I would probably prefer to hold onto it in the hope of weightloss than gift it to a random (special occasion dress, not well worn). If on the other hand, it's a jumper I randomly picked up in M&S, I probably wouldn't give a shiny shit.

GrendelsMum · 26/12/2013 21:29

No, I get this (I think)

You love your mum, and wanted to share something lovely with her. You know that your mum tends not to treat herself to expensive / high-quality clothing, whereas your DSis has lots of expensive things already. You wanted your mum to have one high quality jumper, but you know she has a habit of giving away things she thinks are expensive, because she thinks that she's an old lady and doesn't need anything nice for herself. So you gave her the expensive jumper thinking she would value it as much as you did. And she gave it away straight away to your DSis who already has a wardrobe of expensive clothes.

I'd get it back from DSis, sell it on ebay, and buy your mum something more to her taste.

Can you tell this has happened in our house?

CrapBag · 26/12/2013 21:31

I get it op. Yanbu. Sounds like sister couldn't wait to jump in and have it given that heard the whole exchange.

I swear some people on here are deliberately obtuse at times.

FredFredGeorge · 26/12/2013 21:58

Your mum didn't want it - your sister did, YABU.

You did something nice for your mum, you helped her give something nice for her daughter.

You sound a bit bonkers (mind you so do your sister and mum for not simply having the conversation about who wants the jumper that nobody else really likes)

perfectstorm · 26/12/2013 22:08

And loving clothes to this extent is not just facile - it's also very shallow.

Whereas posting on MN in a way calculated to belittle and demean others as a way of not-too-subtly validating yourself is evidence of a deep and grounded nature? You'll forgive me if I take your proclaimed set of values with a fairly sizeable pinch of salt, on the sole evidence available to me here.

TheSmallClanger · 26/12/2013 22:23

This is seriously not worth causing a family row about. It's a bloody jumper.

When I first clicked in this, I assumed that this was something the OP had lent, or been left in a will, or left at her mum's house accidentally. All of those situations have happened to me, and she would have had my sympathy. However, she GAVE THE JUMPER AWAY. It is no longer hers.

Original poster

CaptainTripps · 26/12/2013 22:23

Thanks perfectstorm. How do you do it? I mean - you just get brilliantly to the point re all the things I want to say but can't due to too much xmas indulging.

I was fully expecting to be told iwbu and was prepared to meet my own idiocy head-on. But honestly, some people just take it too far. Thanks for all the understanding from you and the decent folk on I've encountered on here.

I have eaten a huge slice of humble pie and wished my sister happy days with the garment - not that she knows the trauma.

OP posts:

InSpaceNooneCanHearYouScream · 26/12/2013 23:24

'Are we all listening?'

Er....yes, we are. Listen to this....' YOU ARE BEING UNREASONABLE'.

BrianTheMole · 27/12/2013 01:17

No we about it inspace, so speak for yourself. Personally, I don't think the op is being unreasonable.

LouiseAderyn · 28/12/2013 20:43

YANBU! It was rude and hurtful of your mother to give it away and rude of your sister to ask for it/accept it, given that she was privy to the initial conversation you had with your mum.

I think you should tell your mum how you feel. It is not 'just a jumper' and some posters on here are being deliberately mean obtuse!

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