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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Aibu - she gave it to my sister

91 replies

CaptainTripps · 26/12/2013 16:39

I'm not sure I am prepared to be told I am being unreasonable. Anyway... today I gave my mum a lovely and expensive and designery jumper that has only been worn a few times. It isn't a xmas present. It is gorgeous and it was pricey but I just haven't been wearing it. I mean - I might wear it at some point but I thought I could make good use of it by giving it to mum.

So I gave it to my mum - specifying it was for her and her alone. If she didn't want it, I would have another use for it. Keep it for a special occasion maybe? I asked her if she wanted it and she said she would indeed love to have it. I laboured the point that it was for her etc.

She has given it to my sister.

I feel incredibly awkward about it. Not that I don't love my sis but it was for mum.

Aibu to specify who it goes to? I mean - once you give something to someone, does it become none of one's business? I wanted to gift it to my mum and my mum alone. Is that unreasonable? Fgs if she wan't that fussed she could have said. But she didn't. She accepted it. And I did labour the point.

OP posts:

wetaugust · 26/12/2013 18:01

OP - you've been on here for 90 mins bleating about a bloody jumper that you wanted -
but didn't want -
but actually might have wanted after all -
but didn't want your DS to have?

If this was me, I'd be seeking professional help.

sykadelic15 · 26/12/2013 18:01

Nope not BU. I suggest you get it back from your sister or have your mum get it back. Your mum gave away something that was not hers to give away.

You essentially loant it to your mum for her use. If she didn't want it your OP makes it perfectly clear you would have kept it and you make it clear you actually SAID those things.

I would simply go to your mum and tell her there was obviously a misunderstanding. You weren't giving your mum the jumper to give away. You were loaning it to HER. If she didn't want it, you would make use of it so she needs to get it back off your sister.

Snowdown · 26/12/2013 18:08

Maybe it didn't suit your mum and it suited your sister better and given that you didn't want it why would it matter who wore it?
Does your mum find it hard to say no to you?

moldingsunbeams · 26/12/2013 18:08

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

DoItTooBabyJesus · 26/12/2013 18:11

I think you need to decide if there was malice in it? Did she do it to spite you?

Why didn't your sister pipe up?

Are they joking?

Is your mum hard of hearing?

Does she have form for this?

Weird though, whatever the motive.

VonHerrBurton · 26/12/2013 18:15

You said you were prepared to be told ywbu, I don't think you were.

I have a sister, and a mum, we're all similar sizes and im desperately trying to imagine a scenario where I would sit in a room, with aforementioned, and insist over and over that it was for mum. I think that in itself is rude.

As someone has said upthread, you do sound slightly controlling and a bit aggressive - maybe your mum didn't want to say no, but your sister really wanted to say "ooh, I love that, id love to try it" but was maybe a bit, erm, intimidated?

Jemma1111 · 26/12/2013 18:27

Op you really do need to have a word with yourself over this .

It's a 'jumper' Ffs , get over it

StillNoFuckingEyeDeer · 26/12/2013 18:37

I think I get it. You have a lovely jumper, but you don't wear it. It's something you might wear for special occasions. It seems a shame to have a lovely jumper in your wardrobe that isn't being worn. You think your mum would like it and it would make a lovely gift. You think it's better that your mum have it and wear it once a month, than for you to keep it and wear it once a year.

VonHerrBurton · 26/12/2013 18:49

Yes, Still

VonHerrBurton · 26/12/2013 18:50

Yes, Still,

VonHerrBurton · 26/12/2013 18:51

Sorry, phone gone bonkers!!! The thing is, Still, why not her

VonHerrBurton · 26/12/2013 18:51

Sorry, phone gone bonkers!!! The thing is, Still, why not her sist

sweetmelissa · 26/12/2013 18:53

It was a lovely thing you did to give your mum a special jumper. I hope that the gesture was taken well and she was pleased.

Maybe now she has passed it onto your sister who was equally pleased.

One jumper. Two happy people??? Just a thought x

perfectstorm · 26/12/2013 19:06

I think what you're saying is that it wasn't unwanted, in fact you love it, but you love your Mum more and wanted to give her the chance to wear it as you don't get to very often, and it's obscenely expensive. Is that right? So it was actually a bit of a sacrificed possession to someone you love very much to treat her, and you strongly worded it so she knew you didn't want it regifted, and she then did just that the same day and to someone in the room at the same time you explained all this?

I think that's a bit different to giving an unwanted item to someone, at which point it does become theirs. I also think passing a gifted item on that same day to someone in the same house is cheeky. We all regift, but surely we try not to do it tactlessly - this would be, even if it had been with a brand new Xmas present IMO.

LookingThroughTheFog · 26/12/2013 19:17

I'm suddenly really pleased that all my clothing is crappy, and I'm saved the trauma of gifting things on.

Original poster

CaptainTripps · 26/12/2013 19:27

perfectstorm - you put so eloquently what I struggled to convey: I think what you're saying is that it wasn't unwanted, in fact you love it, but you love your Mum more and wanted to give her the chance to wear it as you don't get to very often, and it's obscenely expensive. Is that right? So it was actually a bit of a sacrificed possession to someone you love very much to treat her, and you strongly worded it so she knew you didn't want it regifted, and she then did just that the same day and to someone in the room at the same time you explained all this?

YES! Yes.

VonnHerr You said you were prepared to be told ywbu, I don't think you were.
No - I said the opposite. I said I'm not sure I am prepared to be told iabu.

It may just be a jumper to some jumping on me on this thread but perfectstorm sums it up perfectly.

OP posts:

Caitlin17 · 26/12/2013 19:27

Unbelievably unreasonable. Basically you gave away a used jumper.

Vivacia · 26/12/2013 19:31

Basically you gave away a used jumper

No Caitlin she gifted it.

Caitlin17 · 26/12/2013 19:37

What sort of special occasion would it be appropriate to wear a jumper to?

wetaugust · 26/12/2013 19:44

'Sacrifice' Oh please!

It was a jumper, not a fucking kidney.

Get a grip.

Lweji · 26/12/2013 19:49

I think we need to see this special gold lined jumper to evaluate how precious it was.

perfectstorm · 26/12/2013 19:50

Yeah, I understand. My mum gave me a cashmere coat once as she no longer wore it, but still loved it, and she'd have been gutted had I given it away. It was a sacrifice on her part. And I wouldn't have dreamed of handing it on to anyone else - I'd give it back if I didn't wear it.

I don't think you're being unreasonable at all. It is a sacrifice to give away something you love to someone else, even if they will get more use from it. Sorry wetaugust, but I think your post is rather facile.

wetaugust · 26/12/2013 19:58

And loving clothes to this extent is not just facile - it's also very shallow.

Caitlin17 · 26/12/2013 19:59

I love clothes, I spend a lot of money on clothes. I had accumulated a large wardrobe of beautiful, classic, timeless, tailored clothes which I reluctantly admitted will never fit again. I gave 5 suitcases of really beautiful pieces this year to 2 grown up daughters of a friend, who unlike me , are slim enough to wear them. I said I was more than happy for the girls to share them with friends, I just wanted the clothes to be worn. They loved them.

Cabrinha · 26/12/2013 20:01

Do I have a different understanding of what a jumper is?!
It's just a top, that you wear, right? I have owned items of clothing that I've loved but... I'm just amused and confused at the specialness of this item! It's a jumper.

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