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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu - she gave it to my sister

91 replies

CaptainTripps · 26/12/2013 16:39

I'm not sure I am prepared to be told I am being unreasonable. Anyway... today I gave my mum a lovely and expensive and designery jumper that has only been worn a few times. It isn't a xmas present. It is gorgeous and it was pricey but I just haven't been wearing it. I mean - I might wear it at some point but I thought I could make good use of it by giving it to mum.

So I gave it to my mum - specifying it was for her and her alone. If she didn't want it, I would have another use for it. Keep it for a special occasion maybe? I asked her if she wanted it and she said she would indeed love to have it. I laboured the point that it was for her etc.

She has given it to my sister.

I feel incredibly awkward about it. Not that I don't love my sis but it was for mum.

Aibu to specify who it goes to? I mean - once you give something to someone, does it become none of one's business? I wanted to gift it to my mum and my mum alone. Is that unreasonable? Fgs if she wan't that fussed she could have said. But she didn't. She accepted it. And I did labour the point.

OP posts:
givemeaclue · 26/12/2013 17:20

Borrow it back if you want it to wear in future

MellowAutumn · 26/12/2013 17:22

Its a second hand jumper ffs - get over yourself and get over the jumper

Original poster
CaptainTripps · 26/12/2013 17:24

Nice idea, givemeaclue Grin

OP posts:
Vivacia · 26/12/2013 17:25

Why did you feel the need to labour the point about it being for HER and only HER and that you were gifting it to HER?

DeckTheHallsWithBonesAndSkully · 26/12/2013 17:26

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
CaptainTripps · 26/12/2013 17:27

Viva - sorry if not clear. From my OP (because) if she didn't want it, I would have another use for it. Keep it for a special occasion maybe?

OP posts:
wakeupandsmellthecoffee · 26/12/2013 17:27

Are you listening .You come across as very rude.
I understand your issue completely but the tone you use on here is condescending.

Original poster
CaptainTripps · 26/12/2013 17:28

Deck - I guess that's what I was wondering.

OP posts:
KingRollo · 26/12/2013 17:28

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Changebagsandtinselrags · 26/12/2013 17:30

The jumper is special, so it will be nice that your sister wears it.

Original poster
CaptainTripps · 26/12/2013 17:31

Rollo - your two last points are a distinct possibility. I'm grrr -ing at the thought that if she didn't like it, she could have / should have said.

OP posts:
Coconutty · 26/12/2013 17:35

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
CaptainTripps · 26/12/2013 17:37

Coco as per my OP, keep it for a special occasion maybe?

OP posts:
Original poster
CaptainTripps · 26/12/2013 17:38

And Coco - you are another one who says once you give something away you no longer have a say. I take the point.

OP posts:
Vivacia · 26/12/2013 17:38

sorry if not clear. From my OP (because) if she didn't want it, I would have another use for it. Keep it for a special occasion maybe?

Well, I don't think it was clear. It's odd to say, "do you want this? I don't wear it. But if you don't want it, I'll keep it for another purpose, such as wearing it".

TheGhostOfPortoPast · 26/12/2013 17:40

I can see a scenario here were you were pushing this jumper at her as a big favour, and she didn't want to hurt your feelings that she didn't actually want it.

Original poster
CaptainTripps · 26/12/2013 17:41

It's a good paraphrase, Viva. Except your last bit. I specifically said 'Keep it for a special occasion maybe...'. I have been very clear that this was the alternative.

OP posts:
pixiepotter · 26/12/2013 17:42

'Sigh - are we all listening? It was something nice for my mum. I wanted my mum to have it.'

sounds like your mum didn't want it! There must be a reason you don't wear it.

Original poster
CaptainTripps · 26/12/2013 17:43

An absolute possibility, Ghost. looking back...yes. I will have to ask her at some point. I just wish she could have been honest and said 'No dearie. You keep it. I don't want it...'

OP posts:
Lweji · 26/12/2013 17:43

You're not making much sense.

Special clothes I like, I keep for special occasions.

If I don't like them, I set them free to anyone who likes them, but they can give them away.
If you wanted to give something special to your mum, why not a proper gift?

How did you come up with the idea of giving her this jumper? You either wanted it or not.
And you still didn't say why did you think she'd like it. Yes, I know she said she liked it when you asked, but how did the whole idea come about?

Personally, I wouldn't think a hand me down would be that special that I couldn't give it away. Regardless of what people said to me when giving it.

Vivacia · 26/12/2013 17:43

I was quoting from your opening post, "Keep it for a special occasion maybe?".

TheSmallClanger · 26/12/2013 17:44

I absolutely think that your mum wasn't that keen on the jumper, but didn't want to hurt your feelings, or sound like she was questioning your taste by refusing it.

If you had lent her the jumper with the intention of getting it back, you wouldn't be BU, but you gave it to her, so it was hers to do what she wanted with.

foreverondiet · 26/12/2013 17:46

Speak to your mum and ask her to ask sister for it back. You were clear that it was only for her.

If she won't then tell sister your mum misunderstood you and that your mum had only borrowed it and you want it back, although if she has a special occasion shortly that she wants to wear it to, thats fine.

Don't overthink - your mum misunderstood.

MimiSunshine · 26/12/2013 17:50

you were lending the jumper to your mum? Seen as you say you may want it back to wear at an unspecified date in the future.
But it doesn't seem like she had actually asked you if she could borrow it, more like you forced it on her thought she'd appreciate it. Either you gave it to her or you didn't not some half way house of "here have this but I want to retain a degree of ownership over it".

Original poster
CaptainTripps · 26/12/2013 17:50

Clanger - I think that's it. But if only she could have said.

I am getting some good feedback re the concept of once you have gifted it, it's up to the recipient as to what they do with it.

OP posts: